I'm an atheist too. Believe too much in science. No way to I believe in any higher being at all, except the force of nature if anything. I don't think that matters at all when it comes to getting support for yourself. I don't want to get too much into it, because I don't want to insult those who do believe in their "god".

Go outside, watch a bird do it's thing, appreciate the flowers growing. Know that they come back year after year even though they die back in winter. They go through hell just trying to live, they die, but their genetic makeup allows them to flourish again in the spring. You can do that too. There are plants that live like 10 months out of the year under snow, but come out for that brief period.

Just because everything is sucky right now doesn't mean you won't blossom later on. Your genetic makeup will allow that to happen, but you have to wait for the snow to melt around you. That snow will melt with the right meds and help from an awesome doctor.

And yeah, I had a period in my life that the pain was so bad and my mental state was so off from the pain I wanted to jump off a bridge. But I got through it. It didn't seem I would until I was past it and I could look back at it.