Being forcibly ejected outside of societal norms, or consensus reality, is always an intensely uncomfortable experience. Forcible ejection is not the same thing as choice. For instance, when I left my marriage I left my son with my ex-husband, a choice I felt was best for all three of us. I chose work that satisfied my heart and soul but that did not have a large financial return. I chose not to advance in my work (at least in terms of monetary return) at the expense of the horses and people involved in my work. I chose the work that satisfied me over having a family. All of these involved choices that were direct collisions with American societal norms for a woman.

MS was not a choice, but an event of force. The person I am would never have chosen to surreder her financial and physical independence, and self-reliance. Any lesson I may have learned would never have been worth the cost of this suffering, frustration, spiritual pain, and the forcible surrendering of my essential self. Maybe there are lessons involved in all of this, maybe even worthwhile lessons, but when I die you'll find a big "SO WHAT?" carved on my heart. Or maybe "YEAH,YEAH,YEAH."

Chris