It's been calming for me to read some of these posts today...thank you.

Hello - I came across this site while searching for understanding and answers regarding TBI's.

Preface: Single mom of 18 years, no college degree, but I worked my way up and prior to the accident owned 3 companies, cycling 50-60 miles a couple times a week - Type A personality.

In 2008 I was hit by a drunk driver (5 time offender). I recall being shoved into the other, oncoming (opposite direction) traffic, and while I don't know how I got there, ultimately I ended up on the median with another car on top of mine - don't really recall that either, but I do remember my car was able to start and I just wanted to go home. The police/FD said I had to wait until they got the other car off of mine.

After my accident, within a couple of weeks I was driving and suddenly I realized I had no idea where I was or how to get home. That was the beginning.

The accident was in Oct 08 - In Dec of 08 I was referred to a licensed psychologist specializing in qEEG, neurofeedback and the treatment of TBI's. I was still in denial mode despite losing my purse several times, leave my wallet which had a large sum of cash (it was Christmas) in a cart - and apparently, according to my sister, would repeat the same question over and over. After losing my purse again (stayed up for hours in my home tearing the house apart, by 1am I finally gave up; I finally decided it was gone again, and while putting on my pj's, I threw my shirt in the corner and looked down, and wow.....my purse was right there the whole time. After that, I realized I spend a lot of my days looking for stuff; I kept my appointment. He did his testing - I don't remember what kind of test, but I started a 6 month regime of working on the brain.

It went from bad to worse. my short term memory non-existent, constant exhaustion, not finding words, not sleeping (it was like my brain could not turn off) right arm limp, right leg not working right, constant headaches/migraines, slurred words, blurred vision (in and out), constant dizziness, little balance... and my head twitches. I started PT and the result was worse than what I started. At that point, my main Dr. said it was too early and to hold off on anything else. After 3 months without change he recommended electric shock treatment. Admittedly, after the 1st or 2nd visit, my sister came over and instantly said "okay, you're different, what happened". I too had realized (unbeknownst to me earlier) that I had been unaware of my circumstances, surroundings, anything...(if that makes any sense) - which I know it doesn't. But, she said, that my eyes were now different - physically different. I just knew that I clearly have some outward defects that - It was exhausting to do anything for more than 30 m. even talking. My sister became very good at finishing sentences for me, because I can't find those words...I knew I knew it, but I couldn't get it.

At one point, I'm driving, and a driver almost hit me; I tapped my horn and the other driver was so perturbed of my action, that she drove as close to my bumper as possible. I pulled over to let her pass, and instead the passenger window rolled down and she lit into me. My response which is extremely opposite of me, responded in the same fashion, and I actually challenged her to a physical fight. I've never had this sort of behavior before - what the heck is wrong with me. I did call my Dr. in which he asked if I had looked up TBI - of course not - nothing is wrong with me. For whatever reason, this time I looked it up. I didn't know what to do. My son still makes the claim that I locked him out of the house with the reason of needing to be left alone - that I had denied, but later understood that my memory is found wanting, and he was probably right - thankfully he was 20 years old so he knew how to get in.

Here we are 2013- nearly 5 years later. Any kind of stress results in right leg dragging, not finding words, not staying on task, taking longer than necessary to do things, and while I don't understand this symptom , I have no problem understanding people talking, but if they ask a question, I hear it, but I don't understand it...it's like I hear part of the question, but have no idea what the question is. I am still constantly tired and am now taking riddlin - which has helped. I have gotten to the level that if I ensure there is no stress, I walk and talk normally with an occasional twitch. However, once there is any drama or stress, my brain revolts and migraines are frequent, head twitching constant to where I go back to wearing my neck brace, and right leg not walking right - dragging. If I cry, my right arm doesn't work - limp, almost like dead weight.

My youngest son was charged with a DUI a year after my accident- he nearly killed his best friend. At 21 years old, he was being charged with a felony and while I do not agree in helping him financially with a DUI, a felony is an entirely different ....... Thankfully, the cost, jail time and deferred felony shook him up to the level that he just graduated with a double major in less than 4 years - and all straight A's.

Currently, my daughter was engaged in August and her fiancé died 3 weeks later. She came to my home in December after a hospital incident and ended up getting a DUI (yes...isn't the irony something). She is young and subsequently broke. I have paid for all the expenses during her grief and with this DUI - Over $10k.

The result from her DUI was the courts order for her to do a 30 day (ankle monitor) in-home detention -and we are now on non-talking terms, and she stays in her room except to eat or do her laundry. We are on day 6 .

For both children I paid for their living expenses, some college and DUI's.

I can see my children are extremely frustrated with me - my short term memory, being tired all the time (I do work a full time job, but I work exclusively from home (remote)). If I forget to add information of any sort, I am accused of lying. Admittedly, I have lived alone for 3 years now. I have a son w/Asperger's and is bi-polar; shortly after the accident I put him in an apartment and hired a caregiver. Generally speaking, my house is very clean- however the company I work for has expanded greatly in the last 4 months which includes 2 offices now. Because my work load is so heavy now, my thought was my daughter could keep house while she is here - that in of itself is the reason we are on non-speaking terms.

In listening to my children of all the things that are wrong with me, I realized that I have stayed in my home since the accident. The times I have gone out people stare, come behind me and ask if they should call someone to drive me home (I do drive to grocery store). My son having Asperger's shared that he feels sorry for me because "people look and treat you like a retard... I know how that feels mom".

Now that I have realized that I have shut myself in, my ideals that I have gotten 100% better are gone. In one thought I believe the TBI is gone and over with. Then, I get around people and can't wait for my daughter to leave so that I don't have to be around anyone.

It is what it is...but now I am looking for answers....

What is this twitch I have (my right eye would twitch all the time, but thankfully that has stopped except when stressed)?

Why did the TBI get worse as time went on?

Besides keeping the stress to a minimum, are there any new medical strategies that can minimize the outward physical malfunctions?

How do I respond to people who see me as rigid, unreasonable or ridiculous? I understand my responsibility is to keep myself in check, however, my defects are extremely difficult for them to tolerate.