Once my mind is trapped by a thought I can't escape from, it's too late--nothing will help the ongoing nonstop depressive feeling from it and there is no escape from that feeling. The only thing that will ease the feeling is for it to run its course and for it to get better on its own over time.

One of these feelings I became trapped by was that depression can last forever. It wasn't just simply knowing that depression can last forever, but actually feeling trapped by and feeling that there is no escape from the thought of depression lasting forever that made me feel that since I can't escape that thought, that the thought of depression lasting forever would make my depression last forever. The trapped depressive feeling from that lasted all day everyday for over a year. No matter what I did or what positive thoughts I put in my mind, nothing helped. Only after a year's worth of this feeling lasting nonstop all day everyday did it only get slightly better on its own.

But just when I thought I was on the brink of recovery, a new depressive thought entered my mind that I became trapped by (which I am experiencing right now). Which is that depression causes a lack of pleasure activity in the brain and that over time, you will lose more and more pleasure activity which will make your depression worse. In other words, since I am aware that the possibility that depression becomes worse, I feel that I have no escape from knowing this and that this feeling of no escape and no control is going to make my depression worse on its own. Even if it is that the depressive feeling from this is going to get better over time and that there will be some days I will feel worse, I feel trapped and no escape from those days of feeling worse which is why I am unable to get over this new depressive experience I am having. I feel trapped and that there is no escape from feeling trapped and there being no escape from knowing that depression can get worse.

This is not me obsessing or worrying about these things that causes these depressive experiences to continue on because I am not obsessing or worrying at all. It's simply knowing this information that keeps on automatically making me depressed all on its own. The nonstop depression from this that happens all day everyday is an automatic response I have no control over. Just like if you were injured, the pain from that injury is an automatic response as pain is an automatic response you don't have control over and is something you can't just ease up by thinking it away. The only thing that will ease the pain is for it to run its course and that over time it will get better.

In the same sense, my mind has been "injured" by these depressive thoughts of feeling trapped and no escape or control. And what results from that "injury" is the "pain" (in this case, which is the automatic response I have no control over and can't ease up on my own--the depression from these thoughts). Because if I did have control over these depressive feelings, then these depressive experiences wouldn't drag on for this long, plus doing positive things and thinking positive would ease them--but they don't, no matter how much and how long I think positive and do positive things. It's again, just like with pain from an injury--it's an automatic response that you can't ease up with will and that only over time will it get better on its own.

But since my previous depressive experience regarding that depression can last forever lasted all day everyday for over a year, this new depressive experience I am having regarding depression can get worse--it might last another year or even 2 years or longer all day everyday just like with my previous experience before it eases up. I feel that my life of enjoyment is being completely wasted away by these depressive experiences I have no control over and can't escape from.

If I then slowly get over this new depressive experience over time, what if yet another one takes over and that one lasts for another year or 2 years or longer? I'm not even allowed to make the best of my life with these depressive experiences because making the best of life is finding enjoyment in life even when things aren't going well. But in my case, I am not even allowed to feel enjoyment at all because each and every single time I try to experience a feeling of enjoyment, my brain sends an automatic response that instantly makes me depressed and prevents that feeling of enjoyment from being experienced. Again, just like with an injury, if you try and walk and function in life with it, it will only make the pain worse automatically on its own and you have no control over that pain. In my case, I am trying to get up and function in terms of experiencing a feeling of enjoyment, but that only makes the pain (in this case, the depression) automatically worse everytime and I have no control over that.

But I wish to know why the depression experienced from this is an automatic response I have no control over that lasts all day everyday for such a long time and is, in my case, an automatic response just like pain and is something I can't will away while in the case of some others, it is something they can will away and doesn't drag on all day everyday for such a long time. And even if one of their depressive experiences lasted for a long time, you would think that their minds would have adapted and such with a better perception and thinking so that the next depressive experience they have doesn't last as long and is something they can will away. But in my case, my mind never adapts and each and every new depressive trapped thought I have lasts for more than a year all day everyday no matter what I do and how I think. What is happening inside my mind that keeps on automatically making me depressed everytime all day everyday for such a long course of time and why is it I have no control over it? Again, it's not simply just knowing that depression can last forever or simply knowing that depression can get worse that causes me nonstop depression--it is feeling trapped and having no control over feeling trapped and there being no control over depression lasting forever and depression getting worse that causes me nonstop depression.