((((((Bethy)))))),
Don't be so hard on yourself
My Mom used to live in another state. I tried and tried to get her to move closer to me. She refused -- absolutely.
I couldn't reach her by phone for a few days so I got the neighbors to let the police in. They called me at home and told me to get there immediately. BIG mess. I, too, had to put her in the hospital.
My Mom was strong and opinionated -- a lot like your Dad, I'll bet. They lived the life they wanted to live -- unless we wanted to get out the old baseball bat
To live to be 87 -- and older -- in his own home. Sounds like he's had a nice life.
You'll do what you need to do because you have to. You'll put up with his 'cantankerous-ness' because you have to and because you love him. Don't fault yourself because he's living the life he wants to live.
I'll say a quiet prayer for him tonight that he comes back from this 'setback' with no ill effects.
BIG HUGS. Take care of yourself, too, Bethy.
Barb