Mari,
In my case my Mom was too busy controlling my life. She had no time to give others she was too busy being a busybody. Always quick to critisize, challange, demean. She was the control freak and I was independant.

Mother passed away 4 years ago next weekend. Now so much of it I don;t even think of. The bad stuff no longer comes to mind...like snapshots the good memories, although few are there.

Maybe your Mom thought she did such a good job that you were given independance and not in need of SMothering. May daughters friends' mother that just thought as she grew up, she didn;t need to be smothered. Instead the girl told my daughter she wished that she had a real Mom like De did.

The kind that make cookies, pies, took day trips to swim and parks.
I only can imagine what my own kids will say about me what kind of mother I was, LOL.

I think you are a special person, so loving and supportive and sharing to us here! You must have developed loving and caring someplace from some relative perhaps.

But as I use to hear from my husband, some day you won;t have ehr here to fight with and will wish she were....
I use to forget and sometimes I would go to the phone to call her. We talked three times a day, even though she was as she was....she was the only Mom I had.....

Maybe make a lsit of the good points of your Mom. Does she keep a clean home, visit shut ins, give to bake sales, help you spring clean, There must be something positive?
Did she ever help you with a school event, or make a dress, buy a special dress, send birthday cards she picked out just for you...the unspoken way to communicate between mother and dauther.

But remember, our mothers grew up in a different time...things were different, they were limited in jobs, education, suppressed....maybe even resentfulness happen to get into them from that supression. We have to be proud of our generation of Hippis, lol that faught for a voice, equal rights to do any job we wanted, and have a big mouth...

Our mothers grew up when there was tradition, now a path to forge.
Hugs to you today for being a wonderful daughter and friend to us.
di