I have made a complete and final modified updated version of my explanation regarding my chronic depression regarding these thoughts. And since I am unable to edit that into my opening post, I will explain it all here in this post. It gives more insight into my depression from these thoughts and why I am experiencing and can't get over the depression from these thoughts. It also gives the reader a better understanding in terms of trying to come up with a solution to my problem that may help or even rid of the depression from this thought. So here is the explanation. Read all of it and see what solution you can come up with. The only way to help or even rid of the depression from this thought is for me to sit here and explain it to others in order to hopefully obtain a solution that will either ease the depression from this thought or even rid of this depression. Because all other ways of dealing with the depression from this thought have failed for me and this is the only way and the only opportunity for me to obtain a solution that will, again, either ease the depression from this thought or even completely rid of the depression from the thought.

Here is the explanation:

Once a thought that I perceive I cannot control or escape enters my mind, it is too late. No matter what I do or what positive thoughts I think and no matter how long I think positive and do positive things, that does not ease the constant depression that lasts all day everyday from that thought. Proof that nothing eases up the depression from these thoughts is with one of my other previous thoughts I had which was that depression can last forever (including all the other depressive thoughts I had regarding depression). It was not simply knowing that depression can last forever that made me depressed all day everyday. It was that I perceived I could not control or escape the thought of depression lasting forever that made me feel that the thought was becoming a reality that my depression is going to last forever which made the depression from this thought last all day everyday for over a year. Again, nothing eased the depression from this thought even for a brief moment. The only way for the depression from this to ease up is for it to run its course over time as it is apparent I have no choice but to be depressed just from knowing these sorts of thoughts.

This is not a matter of me obsessing or even worrying or even thinking about this thought as I know for an absolute fact my mind is always clear--it's my belief that I don't have full control over the depression from this thought that automatically keeps on causing me depression. Nothing eases the automatic depression from being aware of this thought. Again, only over a prolonged course of time will it ease up. And I think this is another reason why the depression from these thoughts lasts so long is because of another belief I have which is that the depression from these thoughts will last for over a year or 2 years or even longer and I have no choice but to be depressed all day everyday for that amount of time (due to the fact that the depression from one of my thoughts has lasted all day everyday for over a year which was the thought of not being able to escape the thought of depression lasting forever).

But after over a year when the depression from that thought of depression lasting forever started to ease up and just when I thought I was on the brink of recovery, a new thought took its place (the thought I am experiencing now) which is that I can't escape or control the thought of wanting to escape from depression. Just like with my previous thought, the depression from this lasts all day everyday as well and nothing eases it. And also like with my previous thought, the depression from this new thought might last all day everyday for over a year or even 2 years or even longer. And that amount of time is a belief in regards to this new thought due to the fact that, again, the depression from my previous thought lasted all day everyday for over a year.

The reason I can't overcome or even ease the depression from these thoughts is because of, again, two beliefs I have which is that once such a thought enters my mind, I have no control and no choice when it comes to the depression from that thought. And another belief which is that I have no choice but to be depressed from a thought I can't escape for over a year or more. Again, my previous experience with that thought of depression lasting forever is proof I have no control and no choice and is proof that the depression from these thoughts lasts for over a year and that amount of time holds true for this new thought.

However, what if it is that I do, in fact, have complete control over the depression from these thoughts and I don't even know it, and that the reason I can't control or even ease the depression from these thoughts is because of my belief that I have no control and no choice? If that's the case, then someone needs to explain to me scientifically what is going on in my mind as to why the depression from these thoughts is automatic and lasts all day everyday for such long periods of time. And then from there, scientifically explain whether it is that I have full control or if it is what I said (which was that I have no control and no choice when it comes to the depression from these thoughts).

If the scientific answer is that I do have full control and I don't even know it, then that is highly likely to get rid of the depression from this thought right here and now just from knowing that I have full control. But if the scientific answer is that I don't have full control, then that will make the depression from this thought last all day everyday knowing that I don't have full control and that it's going to remain there. However, if it is a matter that I do have full control and can just get rid of the depression from this thought instantly, then I will need someone to explain to me how it is I have full control in deep scientific detail and make it convincing so that my mind is convinced that I have full control which will then instantly get rid of the depression from this thought.

If someone were to lose a loved one, the reason this person can't just snap out of the depression from that is because it is an inescapable reality (it is something embedded in his/her mind and just from knowing this makes him/her depressed all day everyday). And because of that, he/she does not have full control over it due to it being an inescapable reality. Same thing with this thought of mine--it is also an inescapable reality embedded in my mind that makes me automatically depressed all on its own all day everyday and I hardly have any control at all over it. But if someone could prove to me that I do have full control over not only perceiving this thought as an inescapable reality, but that I also have full control over the depression from this thought as well, then I think that would instantly get rid of the depression from this thought.

A way to find out if I have full control is to put myself in a temporary position where I believe I have full control. If this temporary belief in me having full control is successful in eliminating the depression from that thought for a brief period, then it is obvious that I do have full control. However, if, for example, you are an atheist (someone who believes in no God), you cannot put yourself in a temporary position where you believe in God due to the fact that your belief of there being no God is always there. Same thing with my thought. I am unable to put myself in a temporary position where I believe I have full control due to my belief that I don't have full control. Therefore, the only way to get rid of my belief and replace it with a new belief (that I do have full control) is to somehow scientifically prove to me that I do have full control--which will then get rid of the depression from this thought instantly.

Since my belief is always there, that's why the depression from this thought is always there. If we can get rid of this belief, then that will get rid of the depression from this thought. As a matter of fact, if someone proved to me that I do have full control and that I'm just being depressed from these thoughts not because what I believe (which is that I have no choice but to be depressed), but because of what I think I believe and that I am just being depressed over this thought for no reason at all and that I can instantly rid of the depression from this thoughts at will, then knowing that would of even instantly (in seconds) gotten rid of the depression from my previous thought of having no control over the thought of depression lasting forever, as opposed to suffering the depression from that thought for over a year before it would of gone away on its own.

If somehow it were proven to me that I do have full control despite my mental disorders, not only will it instantly get rid of the depression from this thought, but also other thoughts I may feel trapped by later on. As a matter of fact, I won't even feel trapped and depressed by any other thoughts later on just from knowing that I do have full control and that if I were to be depressed from such a thought, that it would be for no reason at all.

But again, as I said before, there is no way I can make myself believe I have full control unless it is proven that I do have full control (just like with an atheist who doesn't believe in God--there is no way for this person to make him/herself believe in God unless it is proven that God exists). As long as I believe I don't have full control, the depression from this thought is just going to continue on all day everyday for over a year (or even perhaps a few years). Therefore, it is vital that it is somehow proven that, despite my mental disorders (severe chronic depression, autism, and a schizoprhenic-like disorder), that I do have full control over not only perceiving this thought as an inescapable reality, but that I also have full control over the depression from this thought. Because right now, my belief is that I have no choice and no control over perceiving this thought as an inescapable reality as well as the depression from this thought. I have this belief because I know that I have these mental illnesses and believe that these mental illnesses leave me with no control and no choice when it comes to, again, perceiving this thought as an inescapable reality as well as the constant non-stop chronic depression that occurs from this thought all day everyday. As a matter of fact, I believe that even if my mental illnesses were very mild or even close to nothing, that I still would not have full control over the depression from this thought due to the fact that since you don't have control over mental illnesses and that you can't just make them go away (you have no choice but to live with them), that makes me feel that I have no control and that I have no choice but to be depressed and to live with the depression from this thought for years (or even perhaps for the rest of my life). Especially in regards to the schizophrenic-like disorder I have which is the mental disorder that is making my depression from this thought last and making me not get over the depression from that thought. However, if it is somehow proven that I do, in fact, have full control over perceiving this thought as an inescapable reality as well as the depression from that thought despite my mental illnesses, that right there will end the depression from this thought right here and now. Also, I know for an absolute fact that the thoughts are causing the depression because I am completely fine otherwise and don't experience any depression. Therefore, the thoughts are what is causing the depression--not the other way around.

Depression isn't a choice and isn't something you have full control over and can just snap out of it. Therefore, that would mean that a thought that is causing the depression is not something you have full control over (in this case, my thought of having no control over the thought of wanting to escape from depression). The reason why most people experience months or even years of depression is because of negative thoughts they have no control over (negative thoughts that resulted spontaneously or from some negative experience in this person's life such as a loss of a loved one). Even if your depression is mild, the depression from those negative thoughts can still last months or years and you don't have full control of it no matter what positive things you do or think. Only over time will it get better on its own. And this is proof in my case since the depression from my thoughts lasts this long. In other words, depression is not having full control over negative thoughts.

So even if I were to constantly think positive thoughts such as "I am willing to change my thinking," the simple fact is that I have depression (which is, again, not having control over a negative thought). And this depression is from the belief that I don't have full control which means I do not have full control over this belief. Also, again, thinking positive or doing positive things does not ease up the depression from this belief at all. Not only is it the depression that makes me not have full control over this belief (thought), but also because of what I said before (which is that if you're an atheist who believes that there is no God, then there is no way for this person to change this belief due to the belief always being there, unless it is somehow proven that God exists. Therefore, it would be useless for this atheist to think thoughts such as "God will be with me." This also applies to me as well because my belief is that I have no control and that nothing will ease the depression from this thought. Therefore, it would be useless to think positive thoughts such as "I am willing to change my thinking" or that "I'm not going to let this bother me." It would also be useless for this atheist to engage in activities like going to church or reading the bible as that won't change this person's belief and won't make this person feel any different in terms of his/her belief. Again, same thing with me. No matter what positive activities I do to try to feel better, that does not make the depression from this belief ease up).

But if someone can somehow scientifically prove both of my beliefs false (the 1st belief being that I have no control and no choice over the depression from this thought and the 2nd belief which is that it is going to last all day everyday for years or even my entire life), then that will instantly get rid of the depression from this thought once and for all. But however, if no one can scientifically prove both of my beliefs false, not only will I experience no control over the depression from this thought all day everyday due to my 1st belief, but also that my 2nd belief is going to make the depression from this thought last all day everyday for years or even my entire life.