Daniella:

Thanks for your kind words. I'm afraid in my friend's case, there won't be a happy ending. She stays on the couch every day. She's in pain (from spasming in her neck). She is on the fentanyl patch but she forgets to put it on. She screws up her meds.

I once asked her mom (who's 83) and a lovely woman, I asked her 'can't they hospitalize her?" and she replied "No, there's nothing we can do, she won't go".

I asked this because my friend has 3 sisters and a brother. And her sister is married to a judge. I met him (He looks exactly like Tim Robbins) and I said "do you know who you look like?, and he burst out laughing and said "yeah, I know Tim Robbins".

I figured (to myself of course), if the sister is married to a judge, can't they take over guardianship of her and put her in a place where they can DO WHATEVER THEY DO WITH A PERSON WITH AN EATING DISORDER???"

Well, I guess no one can do anything. They once told me that she lived in an eating disorder place when her kids were teens, she lived there for 2 months, and she couldn't take it anymore, she signed her self out, but by then, her husband had had enough of her and turned the kids against her.Nothing was the same after that.

Also, there's genetics at play here. Her father commited suicide because he had depression. My friend is on Paxil, and her son (who is 35) was diagnosed with depression and is now on anti-depressants. I never knew that depression can run in families.

I have another friend who lives around the corner (she's 75). Her father hung himself because of depression and my friend (the 75 year old), has been on Paxil for 8 years.

Boy depression really takes a toll on the mind. I guess it's like feeling there's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I make it my business to check in with the friend who has lung cancer (but she rarely wants to speak), She just wants to lay on the couch who can blame her???? She paid for a nutritionist to come to the house. The nutritionist took one look at her 98 lb body and said "Hon, you have to start eating healthy, and nutritious food. When my friend took a look at the menu the nutritionist made up she said "is she kidding, I couldn't possibly eat all this food".

And she did the laxative thing. (I didn't know she was doing laxatives).
She came over here once and asked to borrow something Alan used to use. It's called Tibetan Diet Tea. It has laxative effects. WE no longer have this because Alan doesn't need this. He used it when he was on the fentanyl patch.

Well, when she found out that there's a tea that makes you go to the bathroom, (this was before she was on the fentanyl patch), well she bought boxes and boxes of the stuff.

When I told her mother, her mother started screaming "she's using laxatives again???" I said 'what do you mean?" and that's when I found out that years and years ago, she destroyed her stomach and had to have a big operation. Because she used so many laxatives.

I immediately called her up and said "Listen to me, please don't drink this tea because you want to go to the bathroom all day long". She said "OH, I'm not doing that don't worry". Yeah, right?

Well, she asked me again to find the tea for her, I lied and said 'they don't make it any more". She just said, in a small voice "oh".

I know there really is no hope for her anymoe. She's fighting too many battles, betweeen the anorexia, the stuff going on in her bowels, and the Stage 3 lung cancer (which has spread).

She will say "look at me, don't I look great at this weight'. What the hell am I supposed to say???" So I say (quite gently), I say "Listen hon. the only person you should be asking this of is your onologist. What does he say?" and she said "He said I look just fine'. The mother later told me, he's going crazy with her and her anorexia.

So give your self kudos for doing all you can do to battle this horrible disorder.

Eat healthy, take supplements, and with good thoughts and cyber hugs, you'll attain your goals.

I know, in my case, I over medicated with food, most of my life. I no longer have to do so and it's so much fun to go to the store, put on a skirt and fun blouse and people go "oh, look at you". They used to just look and point and the kids would say "look at the fat lady".

Believe me, this never goes away in your head. I remember it all!!!!!

Take care,
Melody

P.S. And thanks for letting me know she can contact you via e-mail. I did try and teach her the computer (she has 3 in her basement), she won't go near any of them.