I'm glad you're feeling better - it's just so important to let loose and vent, and this is a great place to do that. One of the worst things is that people around you just don't understand - but here, we do.

I wanted to add something about the mother aspect : you're worried about how you can give her a normal mother, and I understand that. I have 3 kids. Yet I've found, over and over, that when I meet new people, the ones that are the kindest and most compassionate and wisest are those that have been through hard times. If you keep loving them and working things through, you are giving your kids really valuable lessons and developing a deep and wise and compassionate character in them. It's not easy, and I wish we were all healthy, but there are beautiful things that can come out of this. Keep loving them and talking with them, and best wishes and prayers to find a good treatment that helps you!!!