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Originally Posted by JoelyH
Hi my name is joely I lost my mother in December 2011 and I tell you it has not gotten any easier for me...I was holding my mothers hand when she took her last breath...She was only 65 yrs old and I am still grieving horribly bad and I am now on depression meds cause i am having a very hard time just going about my day on a normal level...She was creamated and did not want any services I still have her ashes and I just don,t know what to do...When I think about even having a service I start to ball like a baby and don,t want to let her go......The hardest part I think is the fact I can,t pick up the phone and call her anymore....Mother,s day was the worst  ...Any help or sugesstions would be greatly apprechiated....Thanks..... |
I am so sorry for your loss. My mother and I lived together (for over 50 years) until the day she died. She was my BEST friend in addition to being a GREAT mother. I was stuck in a deep hole of depression for MANY years. Still depressed but getting better. I had lost other relatives and had grieved for them but when I lost my Mom, it was like nothing I could have ever imagined. The grief was unbearable. I left my Mom's things exactly as they were the day she died for many years. Then a natural disaster destroyed most of her items. I was FORCED to let go of her material possessions that I could not part with previously. The items that were salvagable were hard to let go but I took pictures of them and then donated to a charity.
I finally came to realize that she would not want me to quit on life. Your Mom would not want you to be stuck in a state of depression. Maybe if you think about what she would say to you if she could, it will help you to move on. Wouldn't she want you to be happy? I try to remember that my Mom would want happiness for me and I could honor her by living life. It has taken me over 10 years to reach this point. I sure hope you adjust much sooner. The loss will always be there but she wants you to have a good life.
Your Mom has not been gone very long so I know how fresh your grief. Do not expect too much from yourself. I felt like everyone else's life went on as usual but mine was stopped in its tracks. I wondered how everyone else could just go back to their lives. I wanted everyone else to be stuck too. I felt very alone, not just physically, but emotionally. No one understood my grief. After time passes, no one wants to hear about your grief. My only remaining relative once told me to "Get over it". That is probably the worst thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life. I will NEVER "get over it". I have just learned better tools to cope with it. I go to the cemetery and talk to my Mom. I have ritual days I visit her gravesite.
OK, I have said more than anyone needs to read but I leave you with these parting words. It WILL get better. It takes time, sometimes a long time but your Mom is still with you in your heart. Your Mom's life was cut short, so don't let yours disappear from you and shorten by grief. Find someone that will listen over and over about your loss without judgement. Maybe even a professional or just a friend. I went it alone, ...... maybe I should have taken my own advice.