(I have edited this in the morning because I don't seem to be able to type with Ambien and other calming meds in me)

Well, in 15 days I will be 50. I was big in the TBI forums for a while. Financially I am not able to keep up, no matter how hard I work. And I try to work the best I can.

Some of you may know Chloe and Boo, Chloe is on my lap now.

I want to give up, move to a cave, just have internet, my dog (someone can have my cat), and food. That doesn't seem like reality.

I do amazing things at work, but the IRS and NY State have me crushing me with taxes (today, they said I owe another 3200$ from 2011), amazing since i have had same job for 20+ years.

My job wants to promote me, but its a government job, so they get so many roadblocks.

My disability claim with the VA is in limbo, and I've been told another 2+ years. I've been trying to hold on.

I am paranoid and shy.

Tomorrow I want to take me and Chloe to Bellevue Hosipital and turn us in (I did not do this, not saying I don't want to, it is I don't trust anyone, and I am afraid they will take Chloe away from me)

I want to give up. Problem is after goign though all the crap, I just do not beleive any one. Going through Sandy was hard, I got to work from home, but it wasn't as great as it sounds, just cannot type it here. Others did have it worse but others also don't have my problems.

Being a disability veteran working for the VA, I help, give and do amazing things for the VA hospital, and in return they hid me in a closet (probably a lot of it is my choice)

Can someone call me (email me JLSTREET33@gmail.com) and I will send phone number. I thought about this, and the paranoia kicking in, I don't think I should talk to anyone, I'd just be whining and there is no solution anyways.

Right now, took some meds to calm this lonely one down.

I'm in NY, and tomorrow I think I will not be a work (edit: I went to work, but I feel like I want to leave, and emailed my boss that this morning; he will probably ignore the email and wait me out).
MY work is amazing, my ability to pay bill, not do. I also gained weight I'm 260 pounds now, and can you imagine size 40-42 underwear on a 260 pound guy.

Botttom line: I need help and I cannot stop thinking my life is The Truman show.... HELP. Every week, it's another eposide. Every week, something else. I cannot remember one full day I was ever happy. There may have been times, but a full day, nothing comes to mind. Wonder when the season final will be.

I resepct all you people who help, but I may not be worthy

love you all.... Jeffrey!!!