Thanks you two. The meds side of things is really getting me down. I have tried and tried with both the GP (who would be happy to prescribe me anything with the pain clinic's say so) and the pain team. The only way forward is a new pain team. I don't know if that would mean giving up on the pain management programme I've just started as that comes under my current one (although they had to refer me even though it's run by my doc, so maybe it's separate enough to keep if I changed pain team?). There is another local GP at another practice who specialises in chronic pain but because I've only been with this current one a short time I really don't want to leave and be suspected of drug seeking again which is what happened with this one. It was awful and I'm not as strong as I was then for coping with that.

I suspect I'll end up in A&E tonight. I've been trying to get a GP appointment for a month now and have to wait til Friday and this pain is too much. The hospital were great last time but it involved being admitted and I really didn't want that.

I've tried to be productive today. Waiting for a call back about a referral for a wheelchair assessment (GP was against it last time we talked about it but that was ages ago, but even so I've rang the OT to do it instead). Now need to ring about getting a bus pass but that's not massively important right now - it's just yet another bloomin' assessment that I'm not up to and the wheelchair one has to take priority.

Now I am going to load myself up on valium and buprenorphine and try and distract myself with a film. It's so hard today because I need to move to reposition and it hurts too much to do it but noone else is in so I have to get on with it. I just don't want to faint again!!