It has been ages since I have been here. And it is always such a surprise to be back. I have been so well for so many months. And then Wham seemingly out of the blue I am thinking of suicide again. I have had two new counsellors in the past year, both nice, and the most recent one a good fit. She has had to take ten weeks off for health reasons, and I wish her well, but it has come at a very bad time for me to be without help. I have mental health check in calls coming every few days, but I am afraid to say much about how I am thinking to them as I am really worried about being committed again. I am trying to not resist the thoughts, as it is so tiring, so very tiring. I just wish I could drift away. Spent some time visiting different friends this past two weeks, trying to stay busy and around people, but I am so exhausted.