Ooo if you were particularly bad and needed hydration there's always that hydration doodah that hangs over your bed/chair and has a long valved tube/straw. Hang on let me find it...

http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/...hp?prodID=6290

That kind of thing. I'm not saying it will fix the chest pains as I've not had that experience myself but because you mentioned drinking when you're bad.