I don't really have any what you would call truly "good' days anymore. It is hard to not get terribly discouraged and depressed. I used to turn to art to help, but my inspiration and desire are almost gone. I haven't posted new paintings here because I haven't done any for so long.

I got discouraging news when my doctor added peripheral neuropathy back into my diagnosis of transverse myelitis. And now I am showing possible signs of slightly elevated blood sugar. Oh, goody, as if my dietary restrictions because of Crohn's and my cranky j-pouch aren't enough. I can't do fresh, raw fruits and vegetables, have to skin apples, pears, peaches to eat them, and can't tolerate fiber and roughage. I live on processed food because that is what my digestive system can handle. My blood values are always okay, with no deficiencies. I have hernias and adhesions that my surgeons urged putting off surgical correction for as long as possible due to its degree of difficulty and how fast I am likely to grow back more and worse scar tissue.

But it is my spirit I am seeking prayer for. When I can no longer move forward to begin a new painting, I know I need outside help. I have had a couple of friends pray me through tight spots, and I know I can feel it when they do. Answers to prayer can come in amazing little packages . . . today it was a lovely songbird reminding me of my friends on Facebook and their love.

I have many things to be thankful for, but at those exact moments when the pain hits 10+ that I feel so much despair. It is at those times that I know I need prayer . . .