Hi Jesse,
Thank you for your post. I could not have articulated it better. Everything you say rings
true for me except the part where you say if your PN worsens you will probably end your own life.

I have shared here previously that my sister committed suicide 2 1/2 years ago. I'm sure I will never do it. I am one of the people that lives behind with all that pain and what if's the suicide victims don't think about when they do what they do. Trust me at times my PN pales in comparison to the pain in my heart at the loss of my closest sister. She took part of me with her and I will carry this pain for the rest of my life. I will also live with the guilt that maybe there was something more I could have done. I also lost my mother to a certain extent that day. She will never be the same. If you have to, print this out and keep it handy for when you are feeling that way. People believe others will be better off with them. TRUST me that is NEVER true. I have participated in many suicide survivor meetings and people are devastated. So if you are able please try to get past you impulses. The next minute, hour or day will usually be better. Oh by the way, I worked with teenagers who were suicidal so I know a lot surrounding this issue. That made it even harder for me that I could not save my sister. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't ever do it.

You talked about beliefs. I consider myself very spiritual since my PN began. I was raised Catholic and still practice but for me now it is more a spiritual thing. I actually believe that no matter what religion we are all speaking/praying to the same higher power.
Again, I thank you for your post. It is my sentiments exactly!

Suzanne,
I too have always been a people pleaser. I became a nurse to be a caregiver.
I think it is very difficult for those of us who live their lives this way to accept the help given to us. We don't like that helpless feeling. I struggle with that everyday. I actually told my husband yesterday that I felt like a loser because I had yet another doctors appt.

I think we need to believe that those who care for us welcome it. They know we've cared you them all their lives. If only my mind could believe what my hands type.
I don't come here everyday but I know I have appreciated your and others postings here. It gives me the hope I need when I need it. So, hang in there and keep posting.
Hopeful