Hello Kittypaw
So sorry you are not getting the help you need from doctors and SS, but I hope you will reach out to others here who will offer you support.
We have a special forum related to suicide, so please do talk to others there. Here is the link
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html
Because of the very sensitive and triggering nature of suicidal discussions, we prefer that only that forum be used for that topic.