I am so sorry to hear about your delimma. I am hoping your last paragraph is only an expression of momentary despair and not a serious thought. I once said "i might as well just die" and did not have any intention of doing away with myself, just felt like the only way to express my despair. If you are really in such a place, PLEASE, reach out for help professionally. I believe a lot of us have reached days when there seems to be little hope, but there is always a tomorrow and you never know how things will be tomorrow if you are not around to see it.

I know your frustrations with SS and how they can make you feel. Don't let some governmental agency get the better of you. How far did you fight them? It sounds like you filed a second claim for benefits after being denied on the first. How far did you go with the first claim?

Is it your health, SSDI, finances, or all of them getting you so down? When many things are piled upon us all at once, the despair can be overwhelming. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring so we need to be here to see and deal with each day as it presents itself. Tomorrow may be a better day but we need to wait and see it each day. If it is not, then we can always hope the next one will be the better day.

You can see from my "name" here, I have some days of depair but I am FAR from throwing in the towel. I refuse to let the government control my life. I will stick around for spite. I will show them. Of course, that is not always my attitude. Some days they get to me, too. It is a roller coaster and can make you nauseated but I am staying on for the entire ride.

Please respond. I would love to hear from you and know how you are doing. There are many forums here that you might find beneficial. Send me a PM if you wish.