Hi,
I'm sure many of us have felt like you do now. I know for myself I've contemplated suicide but, I never acted on it.
I agree with others SSI is an option and an entirely different application.
I know it would be difficult but, if you can find a part time (or full time) job that you can manage with your disability it would give you earned credits so that you could apply again. It would change your date to qualify for benefits.
Be well.
Trudi