1775 days, 5 years coming up in 50 days.

I don't think I ever felt this down, hurt, and depressed after getting sober. I won't bore you with the details, but when my wife said to me - when I was driving her to the airport for a holiday in Italy - that she couldn't wait until she could drink the first Grappa after arrival, I knew my marriage was over.

Obviously, that's not the only reason - although I don't think I'm being childish when I say it shocked me - but the way it was said, and the defiance when I told her it's not something that is on my radar, makes me despair.

I will lose the house I spent a *lot* of work on, my garden, my piano, and probably my pets, but somehow I need to make my self-respect survive.

On the up side, I have no intention to restart the day-count, sobriety is just too important to me.

I had to cut the cord in my latest relationship due to alcohol and it was not an easy choice. I think a marriage is worth saving if there is room for compromise.

I've sent you a PM - I'm so very sorry to read this.

So sorry Wide-O. Perhaps the marriage is still salvageable? Maybe separation will bring clarity.

No real news here as to any progress but I am still early in recovery.
Last week I went through a terrible stretch of burning and the nerves firing and wreaking havoc. I almost gave up, had my car keys in hand and was standing by my car several times contemplating a trip to the liquor store. I just wanted a day away from my emotional and physical pain but in the end I knew it would not be a day but more likely months, years, or the rest of my life finding my way back. At my worse I prayed and vowed if the terrible burning in my legs did not stop I would buy some beer the next day as I could do this no more. Miraculously the next morning my symptoms were much improved. Maybe there is a God.

Very wise decision. At this point alcohol will only worsen the already burning in your legs.

"Miraculously the next morning my symptoms were much improved". I have often come to the conclusion coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.. ......whatcha think??


Gerry

Gerry, I was never very religious but I did very much believe in a god and that things are not just random but there is a plan and reason even though it is not clear at the time. Unfortunately I have come to believe things are just random and mostly just luck, or in my case, lack of. It took much for me to pray but I was that desperate and for just a moment considered taking my life as this is no way to live. I wonder if a higher power heard my prayers. I want to believe that. It is a lonely existence without a belief and faith in something.

Even with opioid pain meds deal with 24/7 pain. Along with other issues; the burning ankles and feet and leg pain makes walking difficult.

AA really helps people to believe in a "higher power". Although my daughter's choice of drugs was Cocaine; she prefers going to the AA meetings. She continues to go even tho her sobriety has been years. She feels you can never hear the message often enough; especially when she has her "moments", she knows she better get to some meetings.

Thankfully, my faith is very helpful to get me thru each day. I have a little magnet on my frig; it reads "Before you go to sleep, Give your problems to God....He is up all night anyway. Another magnet reads "God is never more than a prayer away.

BTW: Those magnets were given to me by my daughter.


Gerry

Gerry, was your neuropathy due to alcohol abuse? I suspect not or you would not be on narcotics pain meds.

What I am having issues with is how I did this to myself yet was warned and well knew the damage I was doing but I was in denial and day after day, year after year I told myself I would quit tomorrow. Now I am a frickin' cripple.

I apologize for being such a kill joy but I have a busy few months ahead and while today I am trying to do stuff, I find myself on the couch every few minutes. I must confess I am not doing my walking in that it is all I can do to keep up with the simple daily basics. This sucks.