I have a close friend (in another state), who has been through a lot. Her son is a full blown alcoholic who will not stop.

My friend started drinking to cope with her son's problems. I have encouraged her to go to AA (first she went to Alanon).

She didn't like Alanon and got no support from her husband. Her drinking got out of control and I said "you need to go to AA".

I know there is nothing I can do to get her to stop drinking. It's on her. I completely understand this.

What I need to know is what kind of response I am supposed to give someone who says

"I don't know what I have to live for, my son won't last, he's my world, why should I stop drinking, I can't cope. etc.etc."

When a person is so down and says these things, what is the person on the other end of the phone supposed to reply?

I've been a good listener but I found myself saying "You need to go to a meeting. You'll see that you are not the only person dealing with these things", etc. etc. She has gone, but hasn't gone to many meetings. I think 2 or 3. I don't think she thinks it's for her.

Should I be saying anything else?


She's going through quite a bit and has absolutely no support from anybody except me. I really don't know what else to do.

Thanks much

Melody

Your friend needs to get into therapy. Maybe with some therapeutic support she could then go on to AA. But there are people who do not go to AA and manage but they typically have psychotherapy instead or some other support, such as a church community. (Pastors often give therapeutic support in a way).

It is way beyond what a friend can do for a person when they get this severe in their addiction. It is too hard on YOU, and also, the tools therapists use are carefully managed so as not to trigger excessive guilt or other negative feelings.

I know it is painful for you too, watching this unfold and not being able to help.

She has a phone therapist (at least this is what she said a long time ago).She also said "my therapist told me I don't have to go to AA"

I don't believe this for one minute.

Oh well, just wanted to get some opinions.

Thanks Mrs. D

Melody

Hi Melody..Sounds like your friend is not ready to stop drinking yet..You are absolutely right in not believeing her..Phone therapy is, for lack of a better anology, is bull****

You can talk to her untill you're blue in the face, but untill she has had enough, she will not stop drinking if she is a real alcoholic

Alcoholics have a high tolerance for pain, and the irony is that, alcoholics drink to run away from the emotional pain, and the alcohol makes, and causes the pain to get much worse

There was a guy I knew who was an alcoholic, that couldnt stay sober..One night he crashed his car into a building, and split his head wide open..They did not expect him to live, but he did..He ended up with a scar that went from the top of his head, down to his chin..Now one would think that this experience would be enough for anyone to stop drinking, and never look back..He sobered up for a few months, then and he drank again!!..That is how insane addiction is..He got sober again, and after a few years of sobriety he and his wife got divorced..He moved to Florida, and he drank himself to death out there

One has to want to get sober, and be willing to go through any lengths, to stay sober

I wish your friend will one day awaken, and see her alcoholism for what it is, and be able to stop drinking

AA has the best success rate for helping each other maintain sobriety