Well I had a heart to heart with my therapist tonight.
The truth of the matter is that I drank so much last night that I blacked out and don't remember half of the evening with jeff....She was so kind. I know that I need to get back to an alcohol free life style.I start tonight by going to the gym and taking a well needed shower.
I hope to go to the gym twice a week.
I cooked a new recipe for dinner tonight hubby loved it! not heart healthy but really good.
Chicken with onions and mushrooms and dijon mustard and half and half and butter.
yummy off I go to the gym.
bizi

edited to add that I made it to the gym and showered 2 feats! 45 minutes on the tred mill.

Good job! Routine and discipline suck sometimes, but for the alcoholic it's a good thing :D

I am not an alcoholic, I just abuse it.
bizi

the term 'alcoholic' is not particularly useful, bizi, I agree. It doesn't mean much that anyone agrees on, the term addict is somewhat more specific but still has problems. The real thing, seems to me, is whether our drinking harms us, harms others, keeps us from personal growth and from achieving life goals. Does it make you feel the way you want to feel. Does it keep you from having trouble with other people. And so on. These, to me, are the real questions about alcohol and most other substances.

And re your comments on AA, I benefited a lot when I attended AA. You don't have to believe anything you don't want to, all you have to do is say "I have a desire to stop drinking." You don't even have to say or believe that you are an alcoholic. And, like anywhere else, there are a lot of nutjobs at AA, also. It's a mixed bag, but generally, I met great people who were fun to be with and they shared the same goals I did in sobriety.

One of my favourite sayings back in the day was. "I am not an Alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings."

With that being said, I was not an alcoholic till about 2009 (after 20 years of drinking) when it dawned on me that my drinking was affecting me in negative ways. It was also affecting others around me (like Newstown pointed out).

Denial is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when dealing with an abuser of a substance.

Bizi, look back over this thread and read it from a 3rd party point of view. Does that look like "normal" behavior to you?

Blackouts, bing drinking, accelerated consumption, hangovers, etc....

This is not a place to sugar-coat things. You are here for a reason. You have a problem.

FWIW, I attend (and lead) Celebrate Recovery meetings because they work, not because they are Faith based (but that is a perk), and if you attend them with an open mind they have a much higher success rate than AA meetings.

I would give anything to be able to have just one drink. I would love to have a glass of red wine with a ribeye steak at a 5-star restaurant. A cold beer after work would be heavenly, but I was not wired for that.

Again, you are posting here for a reason. What is it? This is not meant to be mean, but to get you to think outside the box.

I guess I decided to not drink for 165 days pretty easily I might add, only a few times that I "craved" a drink. It really was not effecting my work hubby doesn't think it is a problem. I was bored many of the times and feel that I must get a life beyond just work and am trying to go to the gym and be healthier in general. Drinking does not fit into that equation. I have decided to not drink again.

Having said this, I feel it is ok that I post here.
If I am not welcome please let me know.
bizi

Nobody said you were not welcome. Let's not play that game.

Q: After your 165 day stint with sobriety, was your drinking pattern less, the same, or worse than before?

worse, not moderate at all. It was like a release and I was a crazy woman. I also am bipolar and have troubles with extremes.
bizi

Q2: Can you have just one alcoholic drink and walk away?

I never have.
I call myself a binge drinker.
Today is day 4.
This stopping and starting has been going on for years.
I must say that 165 days was my longest AF time period.
bizi