My pain level is through the roof

My night a nightmare

My Meds to be taken at allotted times
Never a high

I know how far my Meds will go to cover my pains

It is the feet knees hip mostly right side
My knees out of control pain

And then there is my addiction

Already a physian induced addict
Make no mistake
Meds that people who turn to heroin or alcohol
because they cannot see a doctor
My one medication OxyContin over
ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS
$1,009.00 to be exact
That is only one of the five
medicines I take

Alcohol is and would be my ultimate choice of
DRUG

Why couldn't there be a pill of all pills in this world

Now you hear my disease talking

A pill like my three vodka martini's

Those who do drink

Understand
The first drink
You start to unwind
All those tight muscles
begin to relax

The second one hits you in a different way
You start to feel numb
From your head to your toes
Jeez Louise my feet and legs something I'm
known to be complimented for
comes from my dad
Anyhow
In my case a good conversation with drink
number two

Then that third martini
You begin to feel that warm fuzzy feeling
I can still remember

In the end
Would take a swig right from the bottle

When I recognized my privilege to drinking alcohol
was ended
I could not believe it

I COULD NOT STOP AT THREE

For the longest time
I never got
"It's the first drink I must
stay away from

Why not in a pill
What a sick way of thinking
As if I would stop at one pill

Can you hear my disease

I am one of those people who respect
My Meds
All of them

And it doesn't make it easier
As I know how it would feel to
pick up a drink
Just to get rid of this throbbing


To continue...

Pain
Last night was difficult
My knees kept me up
8:30 this morning took my
Meds

There was relief
It is still painful
As my pain in other parts of my body
also cry out in pain

My child asked to return back into
our home
The babies mother
Not to enable
But to understand respect me
and the home you asked to return to

My heart is wrenching
When I speak with her
New to understanding
taking someone else's inventory
such as mine is not the way to go
especially if we will be under one roof

Now there are three generations under my roof

I love my family too hard
there is such a thing
I will do most anything they ask
if in my power

I have much going on always
Am careful what I ask for

Both my girls will be at meetings
tonight

I too would loooooove to make my home group
meeting
It's a Sunday 9:00 morning meeting
Maybe to tomorrow
Lets see if they think about me
I might bring my granddaughter with me
To thy self be true
A
M
E
N
Me