Thank you
 

Icehouse, your comment is most welcome, I will try and have that conversation tonight when he gets home from work. Nothing seems to motivate him right now, he is well and truly down in the dumps and his depression seems at an all time low. I'm going to suggest he try yoga classes over in the next suburb run by a lady who has overcome much adversity.

It may also help to tell him it won't always be this way. After you build some sober muscle, those urges become less and less frequent, and less and less profound. It does get easier. A lot easier.

Also, those urges don't last as long as one might think. Even though it feels like they last ages, they actually last minutes, and if you can either ride them out (and be amazed at how short lived they actually are) or keep your mind busy with something totally different, you can successfully tackle them.

Good luck, the season is not a great time for the newly sober, but it can be done. Also, maybe you can find some inspiration in this article: http://www.soberrecovery.com/recover...-the-holidays/

Sober muscle....lol....that's a good one. Stealing that. :wink:

120 days sober
 

Not been a good week at all. Alcohol not on DB mind at all, if anything he is angry. He has had the week from hell with extensive dental work done in the chair without sedation and still needs more in early January. Has got 20 stitches and his face is swollen like 2 golf balls shoved in his cheeks. And, we got the results of his blood tests. LF is high and he has elevated lipase indicative of something going on with the pancreas. Ultrasound booked for Wednesday. These are the symptoms he has and they are increasingly getting worse since he stopped drinking, they were present in the last months of drinking but masked by the consumption. Extreme fatigue, belching, pain radiates through just above solar plexus, reflux and terrible taste, fever, night sweats, irritable, dark urine, his eyes are not jaundiced but nor are they clear, his skin isn't yellow but greyish colour and big panda black rings under his eyes and nausea. Very fearful of what the results will be.

Sorry to hear that PJ. Let's hope the medical results will bring some good news or at least no bad news. For what it is worth, the year after I stopped drinking was the most painful ever on a physical level. Alcohol is many things but sadly also a great pain killer. So once you get sober for a while you start to feel the pain of the ailments with a vengeance - one of the stumbling blocks of sobriety. For me it took 9 months to even be able to walk again, and things like gout - something I never had when still drinking - popped up when I was newly sober. Energy levels were zero. I went to a great number of tests and scans (could it be hemachromatosis? Lyme? etc. etc.) to find out what was wrong with me, all to no avail.

Things cleared up after about 9 months of sobriety, at the same time as I started to follow a healthy diet (in my case Zone - as documented in the PN forum), but even that may have been a coincidence.

All this just to say that it's possible things may still turn for the better, and that it takes time to heal the damage the years (or decades) of drinking has done. You were right to remark that drinking masked the symptoms.

Pam,
I can't imagine having all that dental work without meds during or after. There are SO many nerves in the mouth area, the pain, on top of what he is already dealing with. I'd be angry too. My pain doc always said to me, whenever I am in high pain or a high anxiety situation that I cannot control at the moment, to keep repeating the Lords Prayer, over and over and over. (if you are Christian, and the Lord's Prayer is second nature and means something to you). It has always worked for me. When I do MRI's, I am terrified, and I say the LP the entire time.

If not that, anything he knows by rote that is soothing or distracting.

Pam, can he take any herbs that are soothing like valerian root? Or chamomile tea? I know it is a nit compared to before but at least it is something.

Is he allowed to take anti depressants?
If not, I find S-ame works quite well.

Did the rehab place give him any direction for what to do when the cravings come, or did he get a buddy? If not, maybe can you ask at your Alanon group how your hubby could get a buddy going through the same thing?

Thinking of you both. What a difficult time with all the festivities around Christmas.

Prayers and hugs, D.

Zero days
 

Stopped the Antabuse a week ago, has not yet had the scan results from his GP but told by the radiologist no growths but very fatty liver and the liver is a wonderful thing it can repair itself. No mention from her on the pancreas. I always thought they were not allowed to say anything at All? Anyway it was enough for DB to try the old chestnut, held up with work will be a little late. Home and a hug and an old familiar smell. I check the car and find a water bottle filled instead with straight vodka. I ask have you been drinking, NO. So I emptied the water bottle and replaced it with water. Will see the GP next week, hope he hears enough to get back to building sober muscle again.

Oh no....

That scene is all too familiar to me. :(

GP Appt booked for 15th
 

I can't say for sure how many days he has but I do know DB is conscious of the need to find and build his sober muscle again. It could be day 5, day 3 or even be day 1. And tomorrow NYE it could be day 0. The facial hair growth has put in an appearance again, same as last time he contemplated and began his sober journey. It came off last time after 10 days or so, maybe it helps when he looks in the mirror, maybe the itch becomes so unbearable its stronger than the urge and it gives him courage, I just don't know. But for now, he is home, unkempt yes, but clean and home from work each night around the usual expected home time and he is safe. I can be and am grateful for that. I'm sure this won't be the first lapse and I was warned repeatedly to expect it, so no surprises there, and no real devastating disappointment. It happened, time to move forward with tried and tested approach with the resources and support already in place. No need to reinvent the wheel. Sincere gratitude to those who read and comment on these posts. You all face these times and more but still reach out. Thank you.

Day Zero again
 

What's the harm blah blah blah says the very physically ill alcoholic.

Even though stopped Antabuse well over 3 weeks ago he had a terrible flushing reaction to 2 beers (that I know of, I suspect more earlier before I got home from work as he "popped into the pub to place a bet" and says he didn't have 1 (lol probably true he more likely had 3 but truthfully said he didn't have 1)

TBH I was /am too tired to care. Next thing he suggests we go out for Mexican dinner which we did and on arrival States I'm having a beer, then orders a 2nd and then wanted a margarita and I at that stage I said No, we are finished eating lets go home, on the way the usual dribble... I'm the party spoiler, I'm the one who says no. I said it shouldn't be me at all to say no, say no yourself, you are the alcoholic, don't ask me, but deep down you ask me as you want me to say no, that then justifies you being rebellious and having one to spite me.

Anyway by then he looked very ill, it clearly was time to leave so the margarita went by the wayside. I find it hard to believe it's remnants of Antabuse, he stopped it 3 weeks ago, skulled the vodka last week and drank wine Christmas night, no flushing then. I think it's his liver or pancreas screaming out whoa dude, you're hurting us.... Sober today though only through me accompanying him to the gym, scuppered his plans for gym and then the bar. Work tomorrow, maybe he can start building his 1 day at a time again.

I'm truly sorry to read all this, the more so as, in the past, I've been guilty of some of the things you describe myself.

About those test results: when you are in the active phase of alcoholism, those results don't dictate logical thinking either way. If they are OK, the alcoholic will say "see, it's not so bad, we have been exaggerating, it's OK to have a few." Whereas a really bad result will make him say "it's too late now to become sober and healthy(ier), I might as well continue drinking."

And that is the crux, of course: somehow, somewhere, the will to get sober no matter what, must be present. It may not be enough - there are other things like actively seeking help, doubting your inner voice/addicted mind (not as easy as it sounds), but it is a crucial ingredient.

Anyway, those festivities are gone now. I can only hope that your DB sees the writing on the wall, and uses this new start to give it the best effort possible.

PamelaJune, I am sorry to read about all that you are dealing with.

This is not about me but when I was in the early stages of dealing with my addiction I behaved in a similar way to DB.

My partner was great (the fact that she is, among other things, a psychologist probably helped). She bluntly told me that she could not stop me from drinking but if I made that choice she would support and encourage me. That, with help from my mental health care team worked for me.

I am sure that you are doing all of those things with DB but it is his choice and his consequences. Please remember to look after yourself first - it is not a selfish thing to do.

With care.

Thank you Kiwi, your wife nailed it. I have told him I won't / can't stop him drinking, it must be his choice and I will support him on his path. I have told him I won't be going on our 7 night cruise come March if he hasn't got some sobriety behind him. That stung, he knows I mean it.

I went into this with my eyes open and my head and heart steeled. This is his journey and I / we know and accept there will be lapses, hopefully each lapse will get shorter as he begins to wrap his head around the learnings his psych team offer. It is as we know, day by day. Today he has 3 days sober, his mental health team are all back on board from tomorrow, fortunately I see a mental health team to help me deal with the traumas I have experienced both before marrying DB and those he has caused through his alcoholism.

DB doesn't get to see his team until next week. Today is being very dismissive and sarcastic of my going to tomorrow's group. Acting out... Not sure if planning on drinking tomorrow as its his day off, deliberately haven't asked.

As Quote Wide-O says
About those test results: when you are in the active phase of alcoholism, those results don't dictate logical thinking either way. If they are OK, the alcoholic will say "see, it's not so bad, we have been exaggerating, it's OK to have a few." Whereas a really bad result will make him say "it's too late now to become sober and healthy(ier), I might as well continue drinking."

The brain is an amazingly powerful muscle. Thank you for caring enough to comment, I am most grateful. Real help comes from the valuable virtual NT support network experts who have all been there together with actual people I see.

Not sure where DB is at day wise, might be 5, could be 7? I know he has appeared to be sober, definitely at home and been active after we had a little "set to" when he goaded and laughed at me going to carers group on Tuesday. Sadly he does little in and around the house nowadays, spends most of his days off in a deep depression funk and in bed, but, does manage to drag himself out and attend the gym and pump weights for a session (Used to be an active time to attend the pub, gym for 30, pub for 60). Our "words" prompted him to blow vac outside, vacuum inside, clean the pond pump filters, empty the dishwasher and brush the dogs. A very pleasant surprise when I got home at 10pm. This weekend he is off and it will be challenging with 40c temperatures, he will be wanting to go to the gym and that challenge to resist the pull pub wise will be enormous.

PamelaJune, on balance that sounds good about DB.

One point which my clinical psychologist made to me is that when somebody is dealing with depression or alcohol addiction then "back to basics" is a good plan.

What DB has done (emptying the dishwasher, etc) are all examples of that which I think is an encouraging sign :).

Terrible
 

We knew the weekend was going to be a challenge with his days off and such hot weather. The Black Dog decided he was overdue for a visit and a massive funk descended over the house on Sunday.

DB had a horrible family call early Saturday 6am, his sister asking in a little tiny voice could DB go get her. Being in another country it was a tad hard, DB spoke with her for over an hour, she was back home in their bungalow and safe but divulged she has been put on 100g serequel and is now only drinking 1/2 a bottle of vodka a day, instead of the whole big bottle, says she can't give it up. Her husband checking how much she drinking so let's him know about the 4 beers. Sadly we learned his sister had been hospitalised with seizures just prior to Xmas with DT's, been released but still drinking, longest she has ever gone is 3 days. He thinks she will drink herself to death.

PamelaJune, that sounds really hard for you and DB about his sister.

I don't have much wisdom to offer beyond saying that Seroquel and alcohol is not a good combination.

I have never been in the situation that he is with his sister but all that I can suggest is that you encourage him to look after himself first - that is not a selfish thing to do, he has his own things to deal with and he can not "save" his sister (not suggesting that he wants to do that) though family loyalty is always important.

With care and concern :hug:.

so much crap going on and needed a drink
 

Came home, lets go have dinner at the pub and I can have a few beers, I used Kiwi33 wife statement and added but I won't support your efforts to drink. We had a general chat, established sobriety for at least 8 or more days and a shame to see that effort go by the wayside. Gritted teeth but he stuck it out. Another day notched in the face of adversity, well done.

PamelaJune, that all sounds good to me.

It is great that DB has stuck it out for another day - if you want to, please pass on my congratulations to him for his achievement.

Fatty liver confirmed with GP
 

Very fatty apparently, but not to late to reverse it. DB reduced to tears today, maybe the 2nd time in 25 years of marriage? So hard to watch and hear. The cravings he says are hideous, he was day by day, now down to minute by minute and admitted he can spend 8 hours on the couch battling every minute with suicidal thoughts and is frightened to leave the house (fear of the pub draw). Trying a new drug (for him) Campral (Acamprosate) fingers crossed it helps combat the cravings. Very active round the house today, got lots done off his list that has been bugging him for months. Made an emergency appt with his psychologist, she will call tomorrow and confirm either Tues or Weds next week and trying to get into his psychiatrist. His group meetings don't reconvene until next week (not this as I thought), I believe the not seeing anyone over the Xmas and new year period, stopping the Antabuse, festive season with ingrained behaviours and being told it's not cancer all came together and he lapsed.
DB recounted his sober days back to the GP and to my surprise he has maintained sobriety since New Years Day, but been sorely tempted and would have succumbed had I not accompanied him to the gym on three separate occasions. Admitted he is taking his frustration out on me and that's what bought him to tears. GP was fabulous, very caring and compassionate, didn't give him the bums rush and made him feel some pride in how far he has come since he first vocally admitted his dependency back in 2011. Was hoping to get the script filled today but the pharmacy have had to order it in so will start tomorrow. 2 tabs 3 times a day with food. Won't go back on antidepressants, GP wants him to, will see what the psych says. So we start the count again in earnest at his request, day 15.

Taking Campral since Saturday, seeing the psychologist in the morning and psychiatrist in the afternoon. Seems calmer, says he believes the Campral is helping. Day 18.

PamelaJune, that sounds good.

I hear a lot of determination in what you have said about DB - I hope that the Campral as well as seeing his psychiatrist and psychologist will help, as well as your support of course.

DB says psychologist says he has had a breakthrough. She said best session yet, he says very traumatic but she is very pleased with him. Saw Psychiatrist in the afternoon and prescribed Brintellex for the depression. Apparently can cause severe nausea to begin with so not starting until the weekend with days off. No noticeable side effects to the Campral yet. DB is positive it is helping with the cravings. He had trouble sleeping last night, hopefully just as a result of what was a challenging day (and not the Campral).

PamelaJune, that is great to read :).

Day 22
 

Started Brintellex last night, so far no nausea, insomnia remains, fingers crossed it settles. Cravings seem to be much less and DB way less agitated.

That sounds very encouraging :).

Day 31
 

One month, it has been not without its challenges but DB has and is getting stronger.. The new antidepressant Brintellex seems to be kicking in and he reports feeling a noticeable difference within himself. We had a rushed visit to the ER on Friday early morning, he found a huge lump in the upper quadrant of his left buttock and it took on a life of its own swelling to a large really hard red and inflamed lump some 5cm by 4cm. I got the locum out and he said nope, got to go to ER it may need to be surgically removed or he needs intravenous antibiotics. It was viewed under ultrasound and aspirated, intravenous antibiotics delivered and 12 hours later we could go home, now on oral antibiotics for 2 days and back Tuesday to review. The moral of the story, don't throw away the alcohol wipes used before giving an injection. Poor DB thought he was doing the right thing but didn't think that one through. (he has to have fortnightly injections of testosterone as he doesn't produce enough if it naturally like most men)

It is good to read that the Brintellex is working and that DB is getting stronger.

I hope that the buttock infection clears up soon.

2 weeks in a row we have been to hospital. Yesterday DB had his wisdom teeth removed under GA. In considersble pain, no sleep but doing well all things considered. Seems alcohol causes considerable damage to the teeth as well. We are mid way to getting his mouth and teeth fixed, so far it has cost $15k but I'm lead to believe we will get some of that back from Medibank. At least yesterday's hospital procedure was fully covered and apparently quite a bit of the anaesthetist bill will be as well.

And an infection where the teeth were removed has set in. If this is the universe sending a curve ball to lure him back to the drink it sure is having its best shot. What an awful week we have endured. The pain he has suffered seems unbearable, swelling, pus and blood, oh and the smell.... Back again yesterday and today to the surgeon, lanced, antibiotics, more pain killers, more antibiotics and yes more pain killers. He is finally listening to the doctor and pharmacist and is in bed resting. None of this trying to go to work. He has suffered immensely and apparently the infection is that bad if not caught yesterday could have spread to the brain. It has spread way up the jawline. The good news is "still sober". I am so awed by his strength right now. In days gone by alcohol would have been the nectar of the gods medicine poured liberally down his neck.

That does indeed sound like the right kind of determination. Especially as (but don't tell him... although he probably knows) alcohol - for many - is a very potent and almost instant pain killer. Very temporary obviously, and the next day(s) it only makes things worse, but that's the rational brain talking, not the addicted one.

I hope things will get better for him (and for you) soon though.

PamelaJune, I am in awe of DB's strength in the face of all that the world has thrown at him recently.

I hope that his infection clears up soon.

If you want to, please pass on my congratulations to him for staying sober.

:hug:

DB back to work again tomorrow, he is feeling very anxious, worried they will think poorly if him for having had to have time off, this on top of all the time he had off late last year with his rehab and depression. Says if he doesn't go tomorrow doubts he will get there ever again. I know he doesn't see it, but he is so very strong right now, through all of this last 3 weeks with the infections and back n forth to hospital not once has he mentioned alcohol. Very different behaviour to past illnesses. Of course tomorrow on his way home from work will be a challenge, I believe in him, I believe the campral has made a huge difference, so I think does he.

That all sounds positive to me.

I hope that going back to work turns out well for DB.

Home safe n sound, going strong with his determination.

Great to read :).

Still in a lot of pain
 

Not sure if the infection is cleared, looks very painful and the stitches are finally falling free. Went to the Park this afternoon and had lunch in the cafe there, he felt very agitated with everyone drinking around him, we had lunch and a lemon lime n bitters each, then went for a stroll through the park and home. First time out in months. Small steps.

Small but good steps are the way to go I think :).

Bone breaking off
 

Apparently it is possible after trauma such as a difficult wisdom teeth removal, the bone can die and it make its way to the surface. I don't know how much more DB can take, it will have to be surgically removed, we hope from the dental chair and not hospital! We are going on a small holiday in 24 days, a 7 night cruise, supposed to be! Fingers crossed DB gets some relief soon. Still sober!

It is good that DB is still sober.

Maybe you could post on the dental forum (http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum89.html).

I have the impression that Bryanna is the resident NT expert there - she has wise things to say.