Hi PamelaJune,

Glad your husband has been seen by his GP.

I have always found it exciting/hopeful when family members have made a commitment to face alcoholism, detox and commit to a treatment program.
Sometimes, the same family member was making his/her 4th decision to follow through, and I still found their resolve exciting and hopeful. I feel it can sometimes (probably often) takes more than one attempt at detox and treatment.

It seems there are often subsets of clients whom are not serious about detox and/or treatment and are sneaking in drugs and/or drinking when out on privileges, etc. This can feel discouraging to those with a serious commitment, as the various "games played" often also take from the program for those there meaning business.

I hope your husband's healing, on all levels, will go well.

I have been to many Alanon, Adult Children of Alcoholics and public AA meetings. As I have mentioned, many people in my family have suffered/do suffer from alcoholism. I have always found benefits to attending these meetings.

I hope you will also benefit from the meetings you will be attending.

Is the anxiety about going out alone a new anxiety?
It's truly not "stupid," by the way. Maybe feels stupid to you though?

I have watched a friend of mine become agoraphobic just since her husband has passed on. In her case, the anxiety was based on old issues, again resurfacing in her life. There is often a very good reason for these types of anxieties.

Be ultra-kind to yourself (self-compassion) about this, about everything.

You and your husband are in my daily thoughts and prayers.

Offering support, Love and Prayers,
DejaVu

FYI:
I don't remember the number; but you have to have a certain number of posts before you are able to send/receive Private Messages.


Gerry

When my daughter was in rehab, I had attended sessions for supposes, family, etc. I found them very beneficial. Learned many signs or indicators of the thinking that addicts use or do.
One of the benefits I received during her rehab in 1997 was after many years and attempts; I quit smoking. Both her and I have had success with her last program in 1997.

Very unfortunate your husband had a group of very mature individuals. Often, their parents or part of a rehab program imposed on them. They really can be disruptive because they have no desire to be there or want to quit.

I'm sure you will be grateful for these session. The insight and understanding will be something that will be lifetime information and knowledge that will help both you and your husband in the years ahead.

Prayers are with both of you as you continue this journey.


Gerry

Hi DejaVu, thank you for your strength and support. I shouldn't use the word stupid, what I should have said is it is frustrating and driving me lower and lower. I suffered PTSD after my MVA, I am now a destination person, I only go out if I absolutely have to. Getting back to work was a step forward but lately even that is becoming a bigger challenge by the day. I can't put my finger on the "why" it just is. I used to love to go outside and go for drives, now loud noises fill me with fear and I no longer enjoy the outdoors. I even struggle sometimes to answer the phone and talk to people in fear they will want me to go somewhere. I have looked at and considered agoraphobia and am very aware I could end up a sufferer unless I can address it now. I'm hoping the meetings for DB will lead me a pathway where I can find more energy and encouragement to deal with it now. There is no time like the present. I'm seeing my PM within the next month to deal with the severe pain flare ups and have a referral to a new psych. So much to do and so little energy. Pain mgt is all consuming when it is not under control. I'm also having more blood tests, I have regular vitamin B12 injections but I might be lacking in iron? Just tired, so very tired all the jolly time and fed up with feeling this way. I used to be energetic even when in pain but now zero. I will get through this, I'm determined to be a better me and see in this Xmas without a hospital stint!

Hi Badsport, I didn't end up having a combined Nevro SCS with another brand. It was only briefly discussed and the Nevro rep seemed to be the one pushing for it if I couldn't get enough pain relief with the one lead. It became up to me to track down a surgeon who would do the paddle lead and refer me to another SCS brand, along the way I did some more research and decided I was not comfortable with having another laminectomy. The first 2 hurt for a very long time, the first one still gave me pain years later. Instead I just focussed on finding a surgeon who could thread the 2nd lead in and get it all working as best it could. Sorry to not be of much help. I became very adept at using Google and YouTube in my research and still find the NT site offers the most advice and support. As a former user used to say, only those who have not had so much success keep coming back, everyone else has healed and gone on to live happy fulfilling lives. And FP to them.

Thanks Pam.

Best wishes.

DB experiencing panic attacks and mental exhaustion. Sleeps deeply and struggling to concentrate. Has bouts of anger over nothing, then feels anxious and sad. This coming months isolation is looming and he is frightened he won't cope, even though he knows the group of people he will be there with it is still daunting. Think he is afraid he won't like the person he will become and that's fearful when he already doesn't like the person he is. Lots of old stuff coming up, things he has never dared face. My heart breaks for him, this coming 4 weeks will be our first ever in 25 years with no contact at all, I'm frightened too.

Oh Pam...what a terrifying situation for both of you.

One thing that popped into my head when you said he may be fearful of the man he will become....can you put together a shoebox or album of hardcopy photographs from early on in your relationship or marriage, say the first few years, for him to take with him? I think that is a time in a marriage when everything is new and sweet and loving. Perhaps it will be a reminder of the good times and the good man he was then and maybe he can return to that man? If nothing else, they will be positive beautiful memories to get him through. Also, when my husband and I have been apart for a stretch, we hide notes, cards, letters, trinkets, in each other's socks, shoe, jean pockets, toiletry bag, etc. It really makes one feel loved and thought of. Note sure you can do that at rehab though.

Also, the communication hiatus may be emotionally difficult but, I think it will make him stronger as he will learn to deal with his issues minus alcohol and minus you. Think of that strong man who will be coming back to you. What he has been through all ready is just amazing. They will have docs and psych help and he will be well cared for.

Pam, maybe use the time to focus on yourself. You have had so much going on with your Mom and hubby and your job and health issues. It will be like a gift to have time just for you. And a month to deal with the new anxiety that has become an issue when going outside.. Maybe the full court press of stress these past months have taken their toll on you....Lessing the stress with your husband and Mom away may be just the break you need to deal with your own issues.

Well, I'm getting droopy, it is 3:20am and my Ambien is finally kicking in.
Sorry if my post is a bit rambling.
Just want to say I think you are both way stronger than you think, and you will
fare well through the 4 weeks.

I will be cheering for both of you.
Love, D.

Hi Pam,

My heart goes out to you both during this time of transition.

Your husband is still going through withdrawal and emotional detox.

I can honestly write: Most people I have seen go through alcohol/drug treatment programs access additional coping skills and become stronger people.

Some go through some degree of an "identity crisis." Sometimes, this depends upon when (at what age or stage of development) someone became "dependent upon" alcohol/any substance, and if they had time to form a firm identity prior to taking up heavier types of drinking.

Most, if not all, go through all kinds of emotions, including lots of anxiety.
Alcohol is known for it's emotion-numbing effects. When we detox, the old stuff, including lots of emotions, come up to be dealt with. The full detoxification is an emotional detoxification, as well as a physical detoxification.

When someone goes through alcohol and/or drug treatment programs, many people around them also experience some anxiety. This often creates a major shift in life and will also create a major shift in your relationship with one another. I think it's a shift you will each like/prefer. It may take some getting used to, however, as we all tend to interact with partners in a habitual manner.

Issues of "addiction" -- whether alcohol, drugs, food, other -- are issues of "dependencies." Any of us having lived with others with addictions may have our own addictions and/or, in the least, have likely played some degree of a co-dependent role in life.

In close relationships, if one person shifts (changes), room is made for another (or others ) to also shift.

It's "normal" for both individuals in a marriage to feel the marriage/relationship is potentially somewhat threatened when someone goes through a treatment program. This may be felt on a conscious or subconscious level.

I don't know of a program requiring a month of no contact with a spouse or with family. However, I do know some programs make this requirement.
A month of no contact can feel like a very long time.
Diandra has offered some wonderful ideas on ways to be "in touch" with one another without breaking the rules.

My husband and I also do similar things -- leaving notes and small gifts around the house or in suitcases/clothing when we must be apart for lengthy times. We have fun with this.

(((((( Pamela ))))))
(((((( DB ))))))

We are here for you.

Love and Prayers for you both!

DejaVu

Diandra seems to have come up with some very good ideas. DeJaVu as well. 4 weeks without contact does seem like a long time.

Hopefully this is the right program for his recovery. Trust in yourself as well as him the outcome will be successful. One day both of you may look back on this with fond memories. Your relationship becoming stronger.

Are you still employed? It would appear to be next to impossible to handle working; but possibly you are able to have had time off with the ability to return. This might really help get thru the upcoming weeks ahead.

Thoughts and prayers are with both of you.

Gerry