Went to the carers session last night, sharing of stories with a mixed group of parents with Ice addicted teens/adults in various stages from"happy users" to phases of recovery, spouses and or parents of alcoholics. The 4 week down south seems to be very very positively received not only for the hope it brings but for many the release and break from the ongoing trauma many of these people are or have been living with daily. Heartbreaking stories with so many consequences and many relapses.
DB has been in contact and is eating healthy and exercising, we are allowed to exchange messages daily by IPad but they recommend no face booking etc. They had their first outing yesterday with many experiencing strong cravings incl DB.

Pam,
 

Thank you for sharing.
It appears this is a good experience for you. It is so important for family/close friends to share their experiences, as well as getting guidance. So good to learn hubby is really putting a real effort in this program.

Both of you are in my prayers daily.


Gerry

Fish n chips outing
 

They had a day trip out to the beach and fish n chips. Too cold for swimming, most exp anxiety and kept close.

Amazing bravery....breathe....support is here and out there
 

:hug:

Pam ~ Thank you for being so open and candid. This will help someone when they need it the most. This is very brave of you and I am super impressed.

Have you looked into joining an Alanon group? There are quite a few that go there that are dealing with people who are not just addicted to alcohol. It is just something that I found that helps because it is face to face every week (if you go to multiple groups then as often as you like) and a support group to help you during those hard times almost immediately....they are only a phone call away, day or night. They help me with day to day issues, other family member problems, and myself.....the myself part is the hardest and it gives the best results.

Good luck to you on your journey, here's praying for calmer waters!

42 days
 

DB still in rehab, 42 days sober and seems to be immersing himself in all available treatment. His journey to sobriety and self discovery has come at a costly expense.
Hard to believe he will be home in less than 10 days, the time has flown by. All the things I had hoped to do while he was gone remain undone; move the limestone retaining bricks for the wall out back, move the paving bricks to where they need to be put down, sort out the reticulation, repair the hole in the pond and blow vac the back yard. I told my work colleagues and they looked at me wordlessly, I went on to say I've grown up a lot lately, I realised I'm not well enough to do those things myself, in fact physically not at all. They looked at me in relief, big steps for me to really and truly admit I am no longer physically able to do these things, but I confess I did get the trolley out of the garage ready to begin the jobs.
Little wonder DB has felt like he has a load on, he has been wanting to do 3 of those jobs for the last 5 years. Imagine looking at those bricks and pavers everyday for 5 years wishing he had the energy but instead the energy went to fighting his demons, dealing with work, the animals, my shitty health and running round after my ever demanding family. Sinking into alcohol oblivion must have looked ever so inviting. Once he is back at work and we have some money coming in again, I am going to get the retic man in and a handyman for the yard jobs. DB is a perfectionist and perhaps he might enjoy giving the handyman a helping hand. Either way, they have to be done.

Pam,
 

While you may not have accomplished the jobs you assigned to yourself; you seem to have taken on a whole new view of yourself, as well as what your husband has gone through these past years. Supporting him is #1 on your list of things to do.

Praying both of you have the love and strength for continued success of the "road to sobriety".


Gerry

Pam,
 

It sounds like you are making leaps and bounds in your part of the journey. This is loads of work and it is not an easy thing to do. It would wear anyone out. I know from experience. I have been there and I have survived. You can do it too.:hug:

Pam,
I'm sorry but l laughed when I read your post.
We have you beat, a pile of bricks for our "new" front walk piled next to the garage going on 8 yrs! A tree fell thru our deck 2 yrs ago...we had the debris removed but the damaged railings, etc still there.

We all have that stuff around...you were so sweet because it is love for your husband that made you want to complete those tasks...so he wouldn't have to face them when he gets home. Pam, maybe accomplishing those tasks is the therapy he needs when he gets home. He is not going to have his old "crutches" and maybe being outside, doing tasks like that will be really helpful.

You have both gone through so much....both have grown and you are smart and know, his coming home sober, will be like a new life for both of you, and I can only imagine there is a lot of anxiety for both of you as you move into this new phase of your relationship.
Time to pat yourselves on the back for what you have been through.
I hope the center where he has been is helping families deal with the transition.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
What date is he coming home? Want to be praying for you both that day.
My best,
D.

Hi D, he gets home on the 12th. I'm so looking forward to seeing him. Thank you for the photos I love looking at them. :hug:

Home tomorrow
 

DB gets home tomorrow night Sunday 11th. I'm so looking forward to seeing him and hearing his voice. The animals will be beside themselves with joy as well.

I've been told I need to do at least 4 things differently, they don't have to be big, but have to differ from past ingrained behavioural patterns and I need to make time for myself rather than being ever vigilant to prevent an inevitable fall.

Relapse is said to be high and to be expected and I have to let him learn from it rather than prevent or protect him from it. Apparently all those times I saved him from losing his job in the early years by getting up and out and doing it for him meant he was able to carry his burden longer and not face it. I can laugh over it now, I thought I was doing the right thing for us both, but instead I prolonged the agony. Now I have to let him make the mistakes, even if it means he drinks, drives and hurts someone. How hard it is to think that, but, I have to let him go, I have to let him learn so he faces the hard facts if he does relapse. It is not going to be easy. I can live in hope that he has tried sobriety before and relapsed, they say he may actively remain in maintenance phase because he has more to gain this time round, ie his health. I hope and pray he is selfish enough to put good health ahead of the bottle this time, rather than being selfish and putting the bottle first.

I'm so frightened, I don't know what to do differently, I'm not physically well enough or mentally well enough to take on going out by myself, meeting up with people. I am going to try and see a psych one who does hypnotherapy and see if I can overcome my PTSD and crippling fear of going outside. I'm still only a destination person, go somewhere only if I absolutely have to and can't wait to get back home. Nothing like I used to be, loved going for a drive or a walk, kick boxing, to the gym. How can I be different when I'm already different?