This is nothing to do with alcohol and addition recovery, but I imagine it something many will have faced. I'm reliably informed, and in fact it's something they are working hard on here in my home town at the moment. There is a moment in time when an addict says I need help. If they were looking for that moment in this dialogue below than I'm afraid to say they've failed badly before they've even commenced. I've recorded it, because I truly do intend to do something with it. I'm now 6 days post this event, I'm still hospitalised within a private facility and they've just had to do some nuclear imaging as they fear there is seriously wrong with a 1/2 pedicle screw that's been left behind in my spine since 1994.

Here the story in its whole glory; I apologise upfront if I offend anyone. Please note, my own mother trained at this facility 68 years ago in 1949, my sister began her training there in 1971 and was the last intake of combined hands on patient/ combined with lecturing. Prior to her training it was all hands on learning;

1. Paramedics called to home, I was collapsed on the bed in the garage and couldn't move, I was sobbing hysterically and in severe pain. DB and my colleagues who took me home from work insisted on calling an ambulance.
2. On examination I told the paramedics I'd had three falls in the last 12 months twice caused by big dogs, one I had severe abrasions and broken / dislocated middle left knuckle / finger which I put back in myself, the remainder falls I slipped on a wet floor in laundry or over the dog on the wooden floor
3. I told paramedics I've been moving heavy furniture due to house refurb in last month.
4. I told paramedics I'd moved heavy limestone bricks to create a garden bed 2 weeks ago
5. Thursday the queen size mattress and frame fell back against the wall from the middle of the room taking me with it and me landing heavily against it but no actual fall as such. I had to move and straighten up a very heavy base and mattress and re-site them from middle of room to closer to wall to prevent another fall. They were very heavy to move on my own.
6. I told them I suddenly developed a struggle to control my bladder & will wet myself if I don't go as soon as I have the urge. This is a new sensation. Post having had epidurals earlier this year, these will be well worn off by now. I explained on Thursday morning on arising from bed in the early hours I had wet myself involuntarily.
7. The paramedics tried to insert a canula for pain control but couldn't get a vein, they gave me instead the green pipe thing to suck/ inhale.
8. Arrived at ED, paramedics handed over all the detail I had told them and suggested I get something for my pain quite quickly as they were unable to control it in the ambulance.
9. Paramedics also told the nurses I needed to go to the toilet & I was worried about incontinence.
10. So from the moment I arrived I spoke to the nurses & told them I needed to go to the toilet as when I get the urge I'll wet my pants if I don't go. I explained this is new, I've had it previously after epidurals but I've had none since early April. I went to the toilet 3 times while in ED. I told the nurses I wet my self getting out of bed early Thursday morning the day before
11. I told the nurses my right leg kept buckling when I was walking, I said it won't hold me up
12. I said I have temgesic and oxynorm at home, it's not controlling the pain, this is not my normal chronic pain it's something new and it's acute. I've had to come to hospital for help because I can't control this at home with the medication I have and I feel there is something really wrong.
13. The nurse was very compassionate she said she'd get the doctor as she believed I would need a canula so I could get IV pain relief. She also said I'd have to have an X-ray to see what was going on.
14. The ED doctor arrived, she told me (repeatedly) ED aim is to control and minimise patients pain so they can go home. I asked her outright, are you suggesting I should go home. She said well you have plenty of drugs there so why not.
15. The ED doctor reported on the discharge letter 5mg oxynorm given in ED I said had provided relief. I queried this and told the administrator - The nurse asked me if it had and I said no it hadn't. It's definitely not true, it provided no relief at all. I would have said if it did.
16. The ED doctor was angry when I said I can't take Voltarin, I explain it causes terrible high solar plexus / stomach pain & I get enough pain with all my bowel obstructions so I've been told Not ever to take ant inflammatory drugs.
17. ED doctor said well you can have Celebrex, I said no, I'm not allowed that either; she got angrier still & rolled her eyes when I said I'm not allowed Celebrex, both my father and I were told not to take it. I think it had something to do with the heart but I can't remember it was so long ago. I didn't say it as a tablet I'm allergic to as I'm not, it's in the same category of anti inflammatory tablets, I've just been told not to take them but I'm not allergic as such.
18. I said I'm allergic to omnypon it makes me swell, turn pink and itch, maxalon makes me lactate (another eye roll) tramadol makes me projectile vomit and elastoplast itches and when removed leaves a mark that looks like an angry burn.
19. I asked if I was going to have an X-ray the ED doctor said no there is no need to and she doesn't think I have a fracture, it's just my chronic pain condition and I need to see my specialist not attend ED.
20. The ED doctor walked away and minutes later a man came to take me for X-ray, I think it was arranged by the previous ED doctor or nurse before she went on handover.
21. I had the scans, I got told I have a 6mm spondylolisthesis on L5, it also looked like the 1/2 pedicle screw left behind may have moved some, no doubt both of them causing the pain.
22. I returned to the ward and the ED doctor arrived, she angrily discussed oxynorm and she said she would only give me a short supply, when I said I don't have enough at home, like only 3 left, she said she couldn't give me anymore, I said that's ok I understand, she reappeared with a discharge letter which said discharged with IR oxynorm & IR buprenorphine script. I queried this discharge letter with one of the nurses because the ED doctor had come to me and said here is a script for short supply 10 tablets buprenorphine & I'm to take 1or 2 every 4 hours. I showed the nurse the discharge letter and said this needs to be corrected if I need the oxynorm my doctors won't give it to me as it says here you have given me a script and you haven't, they will think I'm a liar & won't give me a script for oxynorm.
23. ED doctor then told me abruptly there is no obvious fracture so I can go home, the purpose of ED is to treat & minimise pain. She has said this 4 times. It was obvious I was exasperating her. I was discharged in as much, if not more pain than when I arrived. The nurse looking after me was due to go on his break he said he will tell the ED doctor I need a wheel chair to get out, it's too far for me to walk when I couldn't even walk to the toilet without collapsing or crying.
24. So the time came for me to leave, I asked a nurse to help me dress as I couldn't do it myself, I asked where was the wheelchair the other nurse said he'd get for me. I was told ED doctor said I don't need one and I'm to walk and move as much as possible. I was discharged in severe pain and agony down a narrow corridor where it looked like they had all their ER stock stuff. I was made to walk to the waiting room over 100 yards unaided without a stick or wheelchair, hanging onto the wall with every step and just a young thin nurse holding my arm. We came through to the waiting area & I was told to sit & wait for my husband in the hard grey chairs by the sliding entry door. I was just left there sobbing not even an offer of tissues.
25. The nurse who had accompanied me then went over to the triage nurse and loudly told the triage nurse to leave me alone, I'm there waiting for my husband. I felt that was unnecessary unless she was implying just ignore me. (Which the triage nurse then did despite me crying).
26. DB arrived and was shocked to find me in the lobby, he had to virtually carry me to the car. Triage ignored us and no offer of help.
27. I feel as if I was labelled a chronic pain patient with a history of medical interventions and I was attention seeking and at most more or perhaps better drugs. I was shocked when the the ED doctor rolled her eyes in exasperation when I said I can't take Celebrex.
28. The nurses all thought I should have a canula put in for pain relief, so did the paramedics but the paramedics tried and couldn't get a vein. The ED doctor didn't think I needed it at all, she offered me Panamax and on discharge told me to take Panamax every 6 hours and the the nurse who walked me out told me to walk as much as I could sitting or standing still wasn't doing me any favours.

Just as an extra point to note, I was collapsed sobbing on my bed at my home unable to move when the ambulance was called. There were 3 people who witnessed that along with the two paramedics.

I feel my whole experience in ED at RPH was humiliating, being made to walk out as I did sobbing for over 100yards trying desperately to hang on to the wall with every step, my hair all over the place, tears and snot running down my face & then just left there completely on my own in the cold draft of the opening sliding doors. I genuinely believe I was being made to feel like I was there just for drug seeking as a chronic pain patient. As a 56 year old, I have never ever been treated so appallingly.

The ED doctor told me to see my pain Mgt specialist or my doctor on Monday. It is highly unlikely I will get into either at such short notice. She would have to have been aware if that, I genuinely believe she just wanted me out if there.

The pain remains as severe with no abatement. The Right leg is still collapsing on me when I go to the toilet which is every hour and my mother has phoned my husband to discuss taking me to a private hospital where I won't be treated in such an appalling manner. Is this how we treat people less fortunate?

Saturday morning I spoke the my mum by messenger, she said she will be there within 20 minutes, she and DB have taken me to a private hospital I've been her now for 5 days and it seems the nuclear testing they did this afternoon has shown there is a significant problem.

I hope I get some printable results I can fax the the head OF RPH with attention the ED doctors name. I don't care how tired she was or is. I'm a human being, if made the mistake of thinking of me as some sad old sad grey old hag she is in for a rude shock. Sad old Gry hag I may be. But I've got a brain and I've got the support of a big business benind me. Happy days are coming to you lovey, happy days indeed. If only I didn't feel so bad, I do believe I'd manage to crack a smile. I do hope I get the chance to take a photo of her face as she realises her lack of compassion and discrimination has come home to roost...


Admin, I do hope I'm allowed to post this, please feel free to remove it's it's to inflammatory, it highlights the injustice so many of us face, but I understand if it's too confronting.

I am so sorry
At that same age
I am so sorry
So fin angry
So angry
Just so fin angry
I will pray for you
I will pry
Me
Note
Having many horrible experiences
And not letting them push me around
I was ask by every person in the er room who was the doctor who's name THEY DID NOT RECOGNIZE
talk done to me
Never to happen
Ever
What is wrong with some of these so called professionals
Are you kidding me

So my hips are (both) lit up like Christmas lights where the titanium all but what has been removed, but due to various problems bits and pieces (thin shavings, 1/2 pedicle screws etc were left behind) So, not only do I have bone and arthritis problems, it seems I may have a touch of titanium blood poisonining thank you very much. No wonder I feel like death warmed up so much, no wonder I don't get good consistent blood results every time. So today I had to have an AWAKE nerve injection. They assured me it will be ok, they neglected to tell me I will have to lie on my stomach for over an hour ( I struggle with 15 minutes) so, in the end in tears, I consented. They must think so little of us older ones addled in pain, I thanked the lovelady who could see just how bad a state I was in while in the SKG room. She handed me tissues, she helped regulate my breathing, she held my hand and in general squeezed me when the pain was so bad I let out an involuntary low moan. In all the procedure (targeted injection under fleuro) took well over an hour, that's over an hour of me lying on my stomach awake. As you all know I struggle with 10-15 minutes. Normally I'm would have been be sedated. But today, for whatever reasons, school holidays probably, no one was available to knock me out. They gave me 10mg Valium, 40 minutes later they realised nope it's not working, I don't even look like I'm nodding off in anyway.

They huddle again and agree to give me alprazolam, my dreaded drug, how I dislike it. Anyway, it soothed me a little, but in no way knocked me out. I felt even the peircing injections including those that are supposed to provide numbness and then the large (super large) needle as it threaded itself into the bone, I felt it makes its way all the way in. So here I am back in my room. I'm quiet, I'm in shock I think. DB stayed for a while but he fell asleep and I said with this weather you're best to go home. He has apparently in the last two days moved all the furniture back into the house and a friend has been and helped him put the beds together. The windows and grooves have been cleaned. All that needs doing now is the screens replacing where the cats have destroyed them, but that's a different day / conversation, he's tried his best to put me back into the house so I have somewhere safe and warm to sleep. Isn't that nice of him.

I'm going to get the doctor who did the procedure today, I want her name so I can write her and thank her, I so think it is importnant those doctors who so often are forgotten due to sedation get some form of thank you and recognition.

I have also name of the doctor from last week at RPH I'm going to wait until I'm walking a little better and I'm going to take my X-ray results and asked her to read them. If she won't, I'm going to give them a copy of my letter addressed to her with a copy to her boss. I'm thinking of contacting the news as well. She deserves to be ashamed of herslf. I know they face drug addicts all day long, but we are not all drug addicts, some of us are genuine. I wonder if I had been so subdued by her and her treatment and taken taken her at face value how much damage today blood poisoning would have done, I wonder if I would be walking today.

To the lady of RPH - I bet you are sleeping well at night, I want you to know sleeping well is a luxury, and I hope for you there may be perhaps 25 years more luxurious sleeping (but for the grace of god) there may be you in 25 years time if you succumb to the young leading doctors of their time who promise the world; who seem to promise health and happiness. Notice I didn't say wealth. Wealth never factors into it, I just wanted a good life, able to come home from work and provide for my family. I didn't get that, I got instead broken promises, lies and more lies. Mostly from people just like you there, that familiar treatment with disdain. I will well remember your face young lady. I hope your future family don't remember it as I do, the look of disdain and horror as you wished someone would just take me away from your space, I was embarrassing you with my tears of agony. You didn't want to know me, you were not remotely interested, I was an inconvenience. Poor poor you.

Admin feel free to remove if to imflammatory.

Pamela, as ever I was moved by what you wrote.

I respect you way too much to offer you advice but I reckon that seeing the doctor at RPH and contacting her boss if needed is a good plan. At the very least she needs an urgent reminder about the importance of professional doctor-patient relationships.

Terrible shock, after the funeral in the last fortnight people feeling vulnerable. Now one of the girls has just live posted heavily under influence of either alcohol or drugs attempting to take her life with knife at the wrists. DB and others frantically trying to ring her, no answer, have phoned ambulance and police to her but no one knows where she actually is, trying to ge the hospital to release her last known address. The live feed has dropped out, last vision her sobbing, head hung low and blood dripping. How has the world come to this, her cry for help so obvious, I can only pray primary responders have reached her in time. DB on group conference call right now, everyone distraught. No one fit to drive anywhere and psych has told everyone to stay put. It puts everything into perspective, I pray she is reached in time, I pray this group are faced with no more this week, this month, this year. DB birthday tomorrow. Our celebration cancelled nothing prepares you for this. My troubles are nothing in comparison. Heart breaking for her parents, they have gone through so much and now this. Say a prayer with me please. DB not a praying kind but he is out there now in shock praying to any god who will answer him, please let her be found in time. Felling heartsick.

I really really hope that the girl is found and is safe.

Please remember (both you and DB) to look after yourselves first - it took me a long time to understand that is not a selfish thing to do.

Any news?

Yes, it is much more upsetting having to see it happen "live". On the other hand, the small silver lining is that it gives a tiny chance to the people who can save her. If it happens in a dark room, nobody will know about it until it's all over.

It might be a good idea to look at the possibilities of counseling for everyone who happened to see that. Suicide is crushing enough, and having to watch it/not knowing it will be OK is more than most can humanly bear. Some might be in shock and develop a trauma from this. I don't know if there are orgs who work in this field near you, but I suspect there are. Please do call them and ask for help.

They got to her in time, close call but she is safe now and her family all there.

The group had an online debrief with their primary psych and those not working this week requested to attend day facility. DB has gone off to work, sadly for him with his job he's seen it many times, not that it makes it easier, I guess he just compartmentalizes. DB will go to tonight's group. I'm more shocked at the live streaming, but I guess that was her way of having that tinsey hope she will be found in time and her cry for help will be heard.


QUOTE=Wide-O;1247345]Any news?

Yes, it is much more upsetting having to see it happen "live". On the other hand, the small silver lining is that it gives a tiny chance to the people who can save her. If it happens in a dark room, nobody will know about it until it's all over.

It might be a good idea to look at the possibilities of counseling for everyone who happened to see that. Suicide is crushing enough, and having to watch it/not knowing it will be OK is more than most can humanly bear. Some might be in shock and develop a trauma from this. I don't know if there are orgs who work in this field near you, but I suspect there are. Please do call them and ask for help.[/QUOTE]

I'm truly glad they got there in time. So often it is a cry for help, or a moment of despair, rather than the absolute will to die (that happens too, but not often).

I was just reading up on this. In my country suicide is the first cause of death for people 14-24. Especially females in that age group are most at risk. However, many of the survivors, with good help, go on to lead happy or at least normal lives. Some can't even remember why they did this after a few years. Some do very well, and it's pretty sickening to see that sexual abuse is very often not far away. Not saying that's relevant to this girl's case BTW, just an observation.

Anyway, like I said, glad she lives.

Here for DB endoscopy, will be about 3 hours and so they've put me up in the waiting room on the comfy recliner chairs. I've nodded off twice and they've just bought me tea and biscuits. What a wonderful hospital. Praying for a good result for DB, he is so stressed over this Barrett's, I'm praying it's just GERD, I know that sounds terrible but it's a much easier alternative to manage. He's quite shocked being told he's not to drive for 24 hours following sedation. It looks like it's a good thing I'm still off of work ill as it will be me taking him to work and going back to get him 8 hours later as he won't take the day off.