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DB journey to sobriety

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Old 10-10-2015, 01:58 AM   #31
Kanna
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Pam....

There's a whole network of people that can help you. Look up codependency on the internet. There are groups that have online meetings for people who for any reason can go out to a meeting. They are anonymous so you don't need to worry about your stuff being shared outside of the group. You can also reach out to these people and they can talk to you on the phone. I wish that I lived closer to you because I could come to you. I know that you feel so alone and lost. You are not alone. There are loads of us out there like you.

I would like you to think about things you can do for yourself. Read a book, do some gardening, take a bath, take a time out to craft or talk to your friends. Even a 5 minute phone call to a friend can do wonders to change a bad day. Also, grownups need timeouts just as much, if not more, than children do. Naps are another way to take some time for yourself and daydreaming works too. The possibilities are endless but you need to choose something because this is for your well being.
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Old 10-10-2015, 08:44 PM   #32
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Default Thankyou

I so cherish the wonderful people on this site, people who have become loved cyber friends. I've just been reading another thread that left me with tears coursing down my cheeks as I read the comments and statements and in some instances just testing of the facts to suit their own thought patterns. English Dave, I well remember Shipman, I lived in the UK then. I just want to say thanks on this forum thread for all the support I have received as DB and I grappled with his journey.

My dilemma to find 4 things different to do is not that I don't do anything, I do garden and water every day (even in winter), I walk the dogs and play with them as much as I can, brush the cats and enjoy them, read books actively, take long baths with candles to relax and on Friday invested in a bath caddy so I can lean back and read instead of struggling to hold the iPad above water lol. I Skype my friends now rather than landline calls so I can see them, I love that! I watch movies and follow many tv series, I record them all and watch when I can, I've gone back to work 3 days a week and deliberately don't talk about my work at home.

I guess I say I'm frightened about what I need to do differently when I'm already different is because I'm not the active person I was before. To do something different is hard, I've already made so many changes to accommodate my declining physicality. I'm worried that anything I do differently won't be perceived as such by DB because I have already changed much in my life and he won't see it as different.

The one thing I can see I need to do different is I really need to get myself up and out that front door just for the fun of it, not because I have to go for work, shopping, dog care or destination only reasons to leave the house. To do this I need help with my PTSD and that's why I'm thinking hypnosis. Loud noises outside set off panic attacks, screeching car tyres, loud revving cars, or swiftly accelerating cars all set my heart racing.

My attention span has gone to ..... I struggle to concentrate or focus on any one thing and I flit around the house doing one thing or another. It's why I started having baths again, it meant I had to sit still in there for a bit.

I've been you tubing a lot lately, the how to do videos are great, I've created a brilliant vertical wall garden out of recycled water bottles and it looks fabulous. I hope DB will like it and I blow vacced outside yesterday, took me well over an hour and I did bits of weeding along the way. But the yard looks clean and tidy, the dogs are happy and the inside of the house is spotless in readiness for his return so he needn't feel overwhelmed with having to do things.

Anyway, it's not long now till he is home and I have a roast pork dinner to cook. Hugs and thanks to you all as you have accompanied me on this journey.
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Old 10-12-2015, 07:10 PM   #33
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PamelaJune,

I hope you are not Skypeing your friends while you are in the bath The run-on of the 2 sentences read like that til I did a double take.

Dave.
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Old 10-16-2015, 07:31 AM   #34
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Default 63 days

Seems a lot and then you say 2 months and it seems not so much. For DB it's been an enlightening journey, lots of energy while in rehab, back home for a week and none whatsoever. He is in for a wellness meditation / yoga etc this weekend which I hope will soothe him and he found the men's group he attended Tuesday night good value with an agreed focus on communication. Still early days, returns to work on the 24th, it will be the tester. We are both hanging in there and trying hard with our separate but entwined joirney.
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Old 10-16-2015, 06:16 PM   #35
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63 days on a difficult journey like this can seem endless, it is a remarkable achievement and, counting it as 2 months, another milestone worth noting.

I wish you both the strength and courage you need to forge ahead.

Dave.
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Old 10-26-2015, 11:22 PM   #36
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Default Faced work head on

Faced his first days back, was very nervous, I reminded him they all missed him for the 8 weeks he was gone and they clubbed in to buy him a brilliant gift and signed a card. The challenge he faces is he works with a group of people who moan constantly how bad the employer is. That atmosphere brings everyone down and its constant. Don't get me wrong, there are many who enjoy working there and provide moral support but overall negativity seems to be rife. I've said to DB if he has to leave, then that's ok, leave. We will get by.
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Old 10-27-2015, 11:05 AM   #37
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Pam,
These are some rather monumental steps that you are both taking. Pats on the back to both of you for what you have both conquered and new challenges you both face every day. He is back to work after rehab and you both endured that. You had gone back to work with many difficult factors to overcome but you did it AND you dealt with his rehab...WOW.....and now, you are going to pain clinic.
Please take a minute to breathe deeply and savor your efforts and your accomplishments. I know there are still tough roads ahead but, you two have both proven you are up to the task. You inspire me Pam. God Bless you both as you endeavor to make your lives everything you want them to be.
D.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaJune View Post
Faced his first days back, was very nervous, I reminded him they all missed him for the 8 weeks he was gone and they clubbed in to buy him a brilliant gift and signed a card. The challenge he faces is he works with a group of people who moan constantly how bad the employer is. That atmosphere brings everyone down and its constant. Don't get me wrong, there are many who enjoy working there and provide moral support but overall negativity seems to be rife. I've said to DB if he has to leave, then that's ok, leave. We will get by.
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:08 PM   #38
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Default 102 days

I am so grateful to my beloved. When we married, I took my vows seriously, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer etc. DB the same, here we are all these years later, many ups, many downs, but together nevertheless. Pooh to Alenon and those that say you can't help an alcoholic, help yourself and just leave. I get that, I so get they have to help themselves, but to just leave without trying to stay? What if he had left me in my shitty health debacles.

Even now I have some still say you should leave, and in the carers group, there are many who are in the process of leaving, surprisingly while their partner is now in recovery mode. I get love can die, but it can be rekindled. Marriage is a partnership of love and life, I'm not helpless in my love for DB, I'm grateful to my love for him, it helps make me a better person, to see and hear the emotional pain and trauma he went through and ultimately what drove him to "self medicate" is so understandable.

I'm rambling, I'm sorry, this journey is enlightening to us both and I'm in awe of his strength. Many in his group relapsed in the early days, Those in My group are warned and told be prepared for it, we are told there can be no denial, relapse is to be expected but, they say it doesn't have to be permanent. So long as they can commit to the long term program there is hope.

I'm hopeful and I'm in it for the long term, in sickness and in health.
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Old 12-04-2015, 11:55 PM   #39
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Lots of anxiety this week, DB very depressed and zero energy, it's all he can do to drag himself out of bed to go to work. It's the festive season, everyone is partying and drinking, we are not. We passed by a summer street party last Sunday, he has struggled since, sadly his weekly psych appt yesterday got xld at short notice only he didn't get the notice & he turned up for his 6.45am appt to find all locked up. He says his inner strength is wavering, drink is on his mind every day.
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Old 12-05-2015, 07:33 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaJune View Post
He says his inner strength is wavering, drink is on his mind every day.
This is the hardest part of maintaining sobriety. Keep the mind preoccupied with games, books, movies, volunteering, cooking, walking, exercise and any other activity that can temporarily overcome those thoughts. When the end of the day comes and sleep ensues then the battle is done for the day.
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