We got you....my wish is that you will never, ever, feel ashamed to post. I bet that a couple of us would even PM (or text) with you in your down times if that would be beneficial.

I, for one, am proud of you.

SC, I want to echo Icehouse on this.

It is almost always a matter of "two steps forward, one step back". I think you are doing really well .

If ever you want to talk with me in private, you know where my PM box is .

Never hesitate to post, and if some things feel too personal, I see a few PM invitations there!

Also, don't think that you *have* to immediately improve. From what I can tell, you are in a lot of stress, in a volatile situation, lots on your mind. Stress affects us on so many levels, even scientists are still amazed about it. It's not just a "feeling", there are so many hormones triggered by it, it can be easily measured with a simple blood panel. Cortisol- a hormone - is a prime example. Its production is triggered by stress, and to put it bluntly, too much cortisol makes us "stupid, tired, and fat"). I'm also pretty sure it makes PN (feel) much worse.

For a funny read-up on how that works, there's this. How Stress Can Make You Fat | Mark's Daily Apple Not saying I agree with everything he says, but it's a good primer to understand the role of stress.

I know, you can't just avoid stress like that. Stuff happens, and it drives us crazy with stress. But trying to find a way to handle that stress, carving out some time for you to relax, meditate (even 5 mins/day). That mood journal kiwi talks about often? It's one way of slowing down the day and look back to see what happened, how it made you feel, and how to deal with it better next time.

So, recovering (or simply not feeling worse) may take a bit longer for you. (or not, you don't really know yet). Remember, I was at my worst after 8 months sober. But I somehow used my stubbornness ("I will *swearword* beat this!") combined with acceptance ("Hey, but if it doesn't work, tough luck, I gave it my best") and slowly ... there were some (small) improvements.

Furthermore : don't forget, our mind plays tricks with us. When you get a bit better, and then have more pain again, if often feels like you are back to zero. Often that's not the case at all, it just feels like it. It is indeed, like kiwi says, a 2 steps forward, one (or even one-and-a-half) step(s) back.

Even I still fall for that sometimes. I get up, feel a lot of pain, and think "damn, it's just as bad as 6 years ago!". But then I think about it a bit more, about how much worse the pain actually was back then (like, 10-fold...) and realize I'm just falling for the old negative thinking again.

Your post is a good lesson for me as well: I should avoid inadvertently giving people the feeling that they *have* to immediately feel improvement, and somehow "fail" when they don't. Needless to say that is not the case. There is no fixed time line.

So in short: when you feel bad, post that you feel bad. This is not a good news show. We are not selling anything to anybody. We're just saying: don't give up hope.

You guys are the best!!!

It's been quiet here. Hope you all are out and about and living life. As for me I will need force myself to get up and out as I need food. I will see how that goes but likely that will be all I get accomplished for today.

I have found that even limited physical activity brings on worse discomfort in the evening and also the fear of falling is always present so I find myself being very sedentary. I know I need to push myself a bit more. I save my strength for the things that need to be done on a given day but I know that if I am going to improve I will need to get some circulation in my limbs going. Perhaps a simple short walk a day should be my highest priority. Perhaps it was all Icehouse's walking that lead to such a miraculous recovery?

I am FAR from a miracle...I am just a guy that takes it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other (unless I walk backwards, can't do that yet) and I refuse to let life tell me I can't do something.

But, walking helps for sure! I have to admit that I live in an amazingly beautiful part of the USA and having the Blue Ridge mountains in my backyard is quite the motivator....

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Wow Icehouse, you live in a beautiful part of the world .

SecondChances, I think that starting with a short walk every day is an excellent plan. You can then, slowly, build up from there.

I am so glad alcoholism chose this part of the US for me! I am not sure what would of happened if I had woken up in Detroit, LA, NYC or <gasp> West Virginia...

Too bad the booze did not choose Hawaii....oh well.

Try Belgium.

I was offered a new job this week (damn head hunters), so don't be surprised if I show up in Belgium one of these days. Hope you have a spare bedroom....