Originally Posted by Chemar

because "one drink is too much, and a whole bottle is never enough"

Originally Posted by Wiix

Obviously this guy in rehab hasn't reached HIS bottom yet.

Personally, I don't believe in rehab. I think people go into rehab FOR other people and not for themselves. Forget Outpatient rehab, what a joke that is.

He is an Alcoholic Period. He has to want to stop for HIS Own reasons not for reasons fed to him by others.

It's nice that people love him and care about what's happening to him but really that has nothing to do with the little person inside his body who CRAVES Alcohol. That little person is calling all the shots as long as he drinks. His little voice is louder than anyone outside him.

Let this guy fall. Leave him alone. Stop giving him advice, he isn't going to listen anyway. You are just wasting your breath. HE has to come to this decision on his own BY himself. If he does drink himself to death it's not his fault, he is an Alcoholic. Like I have said before, there are some people who just never get it, they can't grasp the concept of "Just don't drink TODAY".

If you do speak to him again just ask him: "Can you go ONE day without a drink?" See what he says. Pouring alcohol down his throat IS the problem. Stop that and things will improve. Things are just so much worse DRUNK.

I will add in case you didn't read this before, I am in my 16th year of Sobriety and I drank for 20+ years daily. So I DO know what I am talking about.

Originally Posted by July63

Wow, I agree with a lot and disagree with some.

First, I disagree with letting anyone fail.

I do agree that people have to have their own reasons to stop.

I believe anyone can stop an addiction if others pay attention to them during the moments they will do their addiction. I mean, if someone is a drinker, but they are around someone who wants them to change, the person with them should be with them at the time the addiction would take place. (Example: If someone drinks at 8pm, and you do not want them to, be with them at 8pm and express to them not to drink). Okay, they may do their thing, they will be uncomfortable doing it, and after time will they really want to to uncomfortable? If someone is alone, this is tougher, but if someone has someone, there is no reason an addition cannot be fixed, it just takes a friend. Being alone, or enabling, is usually the problem, if you love the person, just fix the alone part and don't agree to them doing something around you.

Of course, they can do what they want, but come on, if you are with someone telling them to do other things, not drinking, and they drink, they aren't addicted, the are disrespecting, because if it was 9am they would be drinking, so at 9pm they don't have to do it either.

I'm done, and I have my issues, but with loved ones (when not alone) I think I do act different (and I cannot explain it)

Originally Posted by MelodyL

I hope you all don't mind if I ask this, but I just want to find out some facts.

Exactly what separates a social drinker from an alcoholic??

I don't drink. I do not like the taste of alcohol. Oh, I've had the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but that's it. It has to be in a pretty glass and I'll probably drink half of it.

I have been told that it would be beneficial to have a glass of wine with dinner because it's good for the heart. I also have diabetic neuropathy and I know that it might inflame the neuropathy so I don't drink any alcohol at all. The last time I had any wine was probably at a wedding 4 years ago. So drinking is not My thing.

But I have friends who sit out at night in the back yard and have some beers. I have other friends who bring out margueritas and dacqueries (spelling, sorry), and they chug a lug them on the weekends (but they all work and don't do this during the week).

As a matter of fact, several years ago, I was at a nighttime chip and dip thing in someone's backyard and they brought out pitchers of this and that and poured them into glasses. I had never tasted margueritas, etc. I found them delicious. But I had maybe one glass of each and that was that for me.

But they were doing this all night long.

Does this make one an alcoholic? Or are these (all women), just gals getting together on a hot summer night to drink ladies drinks??

I really don't know the answer.

I grew up in a household where, on holidays and special occasions, the highballs were served, whiskey sours, 7 and 7's and beer was served. My mother had 10 brothers and sisters, and on various occasions, I would see drinking. Never thought much about it because no one passed out and we all played cards during the night, then had coffee and cake.

I never knew my own mother was an alcoholic. I thought EVERYBODY's mother was sitting at the kitchen table when their 12 year old came home from school, and she'd be sitting there with a glass of scotch. Always scotch, never anything else. She never slurred, I never saw any disturbing kind of behavior. She was a mean person and we never got along, but I never attributed it to drinking.

Only when I was 24 and my parents moved to Florida, did my father call me and tell me "the superintendent of the apartment complex told me I better reign in my wife's drinking, she's getting out of hand". That's when I said 'Mom drinks??? Honestly, no one ever told me anything.

I told him to check for scotch bottles, and empty glasses. I flew there on many occasions, and they had a bar with lots of alcohol. But my mother had family in Florida, and there was ALWAYS people over and drinks were served. I never drank because it's not my thing. Food WAS my thing, but it's not any longer, thank god for that.

I distinctly remember my father singing and playing the ukelele with a drink in his hand on Christmas and on News Years Eve, but that was it for him.

Everybody else drank highballs on the weekends.

So does this constitute social drinking, or was everybody an alcoholic.

I believe my mom was. She was a nurse and worked the night shift, and I was visiting in Florida when I was in my late 20's. She must have been 56 or so. She came home at 7 a.m. and I watched her go to the liquor cabinet and pour herself a glass of scotch. I ran over and said AHA!!!! got you. and she jumped and said 'Don't tell your father, you don't understand, you just got up and had breakfast, I'm just coming home from work, so I have to unwind"

I tried to speak to her but it was like I was wrong and didn't understand and SHE knew what SHE was talking about.

If anyone can give me some answers, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks much.

Originally Posted by MelodyL

Hi there.

You wrote:

"
I believe anyone can stop an addiction if others pay attention to them during the moments they will do their addiction. I mean, if someone is a drinker, but they are around someone who wants them to change, the person with them should be with them at the time the addiction would take place. (Example: If someone drinks at 8pm, and you do not want them to, be with them at 8pm and express to them not to drink). "

Doesn't this mean that one person has an influence over another person's compulsions? I was under the impression that the addict has to be responsible for HIS own addiction. If he sincerely wants to stop doing whatever he is doing, he must own up to it, ask for help, get help, apply the help, make amends, and go to AA meetings.

I really don't understand what you mean when you say "anyone can stop an addiction if others pay attention to them during the moments they will do their addiction" People have been trying to stop their kids from drinking, drugging, WHATEVER, all to no avail. The person who is the addict has to make that decision (for himself) not for anyone else.

It's like when an overweight person is going to a wedding 6 months from now and someone tells her "I'll pay you $1000 to lose 100 lbs for the wedding' The person says "no problem", starves herself, loses the 100 lbs, goes to the wedding, and the next day starts eating like there is no tomorrow and gains the 100 pounds back AND MORE. She lost it for the wrong reason. And I personally know a person who this happened to.

It's very hard to overcome any addiction but I really do think that the addict themselves are the ones to be responsible. And not because anyone makes them. They have to really want to do it.

Just my opinion.

Melody

Originally Posted by stevem53

I have been sober and going to AA meetings for 22 years..I also went to Al Anon for 7 years..and I have seen and heard alot....And I can tell you from experience that you are as powerless over someones drinking as they are..Making them feel uncomfortable will just cause them to do their drinking somehow or somewhere else

Anyone who drinks at 9:00 am has got a problem

My ex wife used to argue everyday about my drinking, and I just went about my business, and started an argument if I had to, so I could go to the bar..At the end of my drinking, I just walked out of the house without saying a word..I could have cared less what she thought about it

The alcoholic/addict has to come to their own decision, in other words, it HAS to be their idea to quit, and get help, and unfortunately, most die as a direct result of this disease, rather than with it

I dont mean to be harsh, but this is the reality of addiction