I hope you all don't mind if I ask this, but I just want to find out some facts.

Exactly what separates a social drinker from an alcoholic??

I don't drink. I do not like the taste of alcohol. Oh, I've had the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but that's it. It has to be in a pretty glass and I'll probably drink half of it.

I have been told that it would be beneficial to have a glass of wine with dinner because it's good for the heart. I also have diabetic neuropathy and I know that it might inflame the neuropathy so I don't drink any alcohol at all. The last time I had any wine was probably at a wedding 4 years ago. So drinking is not My thing.

But I have friends who sit out at night in the back yard and have some beers. I have other friends who bring out margueritas and dacqueries (spelling, sorry), and they chug a lug them on the weekends (but they all work and don't do this during the week).

As a matter of fact, several years ago, I was at a nighttime chip and dip thing in someone's backyard and they brought out pitchers of this and that and poured them into glasses. I had never tasted margueritas, etc. I found them delicious. But I had maybe one glass of each and that was that for me.

But they were doing this all night long.

Does this make one an alcoholic? Or are these (all women), just gals getting together on a hot summer night to drink ladies drinks??

I really don't know the answer.

I grew up in a household where, on holidays and special occasions, the highballs were served, whiskey sours, 7 and 7's and beer was served. My mother had 10 brothers and sisters, and on various occasions, I would see drinking. Never thought much about it because no one passed out and we all played cards during the night, then had coffee and cake.

I never knew my own mother was an alcoholic. I thought EVERYBODY's mother was sitting at the kitchen table when their 12 year old came home from school, and she'd be sitting there with a glass of scotch. Always scotch, never anything else. She never slurred, I never saw any disturbing kind of behavior. She was a mean person and we never got along, but I never attributed it to drinking.

Only when I was 24 and my parents moved to Florida, did my father call me and tell me "the superintendent of the apartment complex told me I better reign in my wife's drinking, she's getting out of hand". That's when I said 'Mom drinks??? Honestly, no one ever told me anything.

I told him to check for scotch bottles, and empty glasses. I flew there on many occasions, and they had a bar with lots of alcohol. But my mother had family in Florida, and there was ALWAYS people over and drinks were served. I never drank because it's not my thing. Food WAS my thing, but it's not any longer, thank god for that.

I distinctly remember my father singing and playing the ukelele with a drink in his hand on Christmas and on News Years Eve, but that was it for him.

Everybody else drank highballs on the weekends.

So does this constitute social drinking, or was everybody an alcoholic.

I believe my mom was. She was a nurse and worked the night shift, and I was visiting in Florida when I was in my late 20's. She must have been 56 or so. She came home at 7 a.m. and I watched her go to the liquor cabinet and pour herself a glass of scotch. I ran over and said AHA!!!! got you. and she jumped and said 'Don't tell your father, you don't understand, you just got up and had breakfast, I'm just coming home from work, so I have to unwind"

I tried to speak to her but it was like I was wrong and didn't understand and SHE knew what SHE was talking about.

If anyone can give me some answers, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks much.

Mel

alcoholism is an addiction, and as such it isnt a matter of choosing when or whether to drink or how much. one HAS to have alcohol and not having it causes physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms. A sober alcoholic cant risk ever having another drink...nomatter how long they have been sober, because "one drink is too much, and a whole bottle is never enough"

so I guess IMHO there is a very big difference between social drinking and alcoholism, tho many social drinkers might be alcoholics kwim

I found some sites and info on how to tell -

[Do you have to be an alcoholic to experience problems?

No. Alcoholism is only one type of an alcohol problem.
Alcohol abuse can be just as harmful.
A person can abuse alcohol without actually being an alcoholic—that is, he or she may drink too much and too often but still not be dependent on alcohol. Some of the problems linked to alcohol abuse include not being able to meet work, school, or family responsibilities; drunk-driving arrests and car crashes; and drinking-related medical conditions. Under some circumstances, even social or moderate drinking is dangerous—for example, when driving, during pregnancy, or when taking certain medications.]
http://www.medicinenet.com/alcohol_a...lism/page3.htm

http://www.alcoholandfamilies.org.uk...ted_others.htm

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/about/a/alcoholism.htm

http://www.alcoholscreening.org/

Well, my lady friends who go in their backyards (this is only during the summer and maybe once a month at that), I gather they don't have a problem with alcohol because I've never seen them drunk (but then again, even if you don't see a person, that doesn't mean that that person doesn't drink during the day).

Perfect example is my friend who I only thought drank at night, and now she's begun in the day.

I think the best thing is to drink water!!!!

And when you go to a wedding, just take the champagne and offer a toast and that's it.

But I can definitely see how it can be a problem for a person with an addiction.

Do you know I never knew you could be an alcoholic if you only drank beer??

I thought it had to be hard liquor. Goes to show you how much I know about the subect??

My friend's son only drinks beer. BUT A LOT OF BEER.

And I have a former friend who has a husband of almost 40 years and I've never seen him sober. On any holiday or occasion, he's passed out on the floor with beer cans next to him. Someone remarked to her "do you know your husband has a drinking problem?" and she replied "listen, he works hard during the week, what's the harm if he likes his beer??" Now how to do you reply to a comment like that, especially when the guy is passed out two feet in front of you??

You don't.

I didn't.

I've learned much from this forum. And I thank you.

Melody

you don't have to get drunk to be an alcoholic.

There is a term used to describe an alcoholic who functions with all daily activities. They are called functioning alcoholics. They can drink and function just as someone who doesn't drink. It's still a disease no matter how you term it imho.

A social drinker in my other opinion is one who drinks occasionally and does not abuse it. I hardly ever drink but I do on occasion, but never get wasted. Maybe a beer here and there. I grew up with alcoholics so my fear of becoming one helps me turn away. I also think to drink because everyone else is can become a problem. Saying no is OK. Many times you'll find me sipping a coke while others are drinking.

Curious:

You said: "you don't have to get drunk to be an alcoholic".

I never knew this.

Mel

it is true melody.

i have uncles who were alcoholics. drank pretty much everyday. i can say i only saw 1 drunk 1 x. he went to go get dried out not long after that.

some get so used to the alcohol, it's like they have a tolorence to it. takes so much for them to act any different. my x's grandfather was that way. drank everyday.

it's that they can't and won't give it up. they will say..oh i can..but i don't want to. i'm not an alcoholic..i never stumble around..yada yada.

i am a non drinker by choice. very very rarely will hubby and i have a glass of wine at home. never ever away from home. i have poured out more bottles than we have drank.

i'm very passionate about parents drinking infront of their kids. ticks me off more than i can say.

especially at picnics or family gatherings. they are going to get into a car and drive those kids home.

my x's family is big on doing that. one reason he is an X.

I do not have alot of time tonight but wanted to pop in.
I have been sober almost 8 years now and I was a daily drinker....26-40oz of tequila per day. That sorta separated me from a social drinker right there!!
There are many factors in life that can open the doors to alcoholism. Those same factors could drive a non a non alcoholic to drink excessively....even habitually...however the alcoholics need for drink if so intense willpower rarely wins out.
I AM SOOOO tired right now and need to crash. Will post more tomorrow.
I am really enjoying the action on this foum....so different....so nice!!!!!!!!!!!

Dorrie:

My friend just phoned me. It was at 10:30 a.m. this morning. She said "my husband is crying, our son gave us a hard time last night at 4 am.".

She explained that her husband was crying in his sleep. She woke him up to make him hot milk, when she noticed all the lights were on in the son's room, and he wasn't there. All the lights were on downstairs. She thought someone broke in. She went to the front door and she saw her son outside at 4 a.m. talking to a woman driving a very expensive car.

The husband came downstairs and she said "there's our son, outside, it's 4 .am. and he's talking to a woman in that car".

The guy came in the house, took one look at his parents and blurted out "I can't stand you two. I hate you, you are really not my father (don't forget he's adopted), and he looked at his mother and said 'but I do have a bit more respect for you". "I just want you to know I'm going out with this woman". Then the parents went back to bed, the guy went back outside, and right now he's sleeping".

Now you all might think I'm nuts, but this is what I told my friend.

"There is no reaosn on the face of this earth that anyone has to go out at 4 a.m. unless they are doing or conducting business that is NOT ABOUT DRINKING". And she said "oh you are talking about drugs". And I said 'DUH!!!"

She didn't say a word, she just cried. She said 'His stomach is all swollen, he's going to wind up in the hospital again, I know it, and I'm not buying him any more food, and (well the husband doesn't have the best communicative skills, and lately he's been saying to his son" 'you're no good, you're a bad seed, you are not my son any more". He's frustrated, I get this.

So I really think there's bit more going on than the beer. I could be wrong. But I don't think so. This guy's a trainwreck waiting to happen.

Oh my friend said "And I don't care, I'll do whatever I have to do not to let him come home, because he's killing us". I then said 'that's exactly what you have said the last 4 times he's been in the hospital." "you don't follow through".

She said "you know you're right, but this is killing my husband".

I said "let me tell you one thing. I know you love your son, but if this winds up killing your husband, you'll never look at your son the same way again".

She said "yeah, and he was a great father". I said 'of course he was, I know this".

But the frustrating part is when the father says stuff like "you're a bad seed, you are not my son".

good lord, these people better get some communicating skills.

No good is going to come out of this.

thanks for the good input. Much appreciated.

Melody