Hi all!!

I now need your help about another matter. Different people altogether.

I have a friend who lives around the corner. Known her for 17 years. She nips (everyone knows it but we say nothing because she lost her son on 9/11).

However, her husband is an alcoholic. And they do drink and drive.

Well tonight..something happened and I need some input as to whether or not I did the right thing.

Here's what happened.

I'm walking down the block (going back to my home), and my other friend says 'who is in that car, he's been in that car for one hour with the car running".

I said "I'll check it out on my way to my home".

Well, as I pass, I see it's my friend's husband and he's sound asleep in the car (with the motor running and all the windows closed).

I said to myself 'didn't I read where a person is not supposed to be in the car with the windows rolled up and the motor is on??"

I began to walk to my house around the corner when I said "Oh shoot, you can't just leave him in the car, what if he dies".

So I gingerly walked up to the car and rapped on the window. No reaction. I pounded on the door, no reaction. I did it a few times and he opened his eyes and I knew immediately he was completely soused. And I mean completely.

I said brightly "hi there, I just want to make sure you are okay"

He rolled down the window and I immediately knew he had the air conditioner blasting in the car. It's 90 here in Brooklyn, NY. Also, he didn't know me. He didn't know where he was.

I said "please turn off your car" He didn't understand me. I again said "Please turn off your car". and he said "why??"

I then said "well, I don't want you falling asleep again with the motor running, I don't think it's safe, and you might wake up tomorrow with a dead battery".

He just looked at me (he never picked up his head off of his chest), and he turned off the ignition.

He then said 'okay???" and I said 'Terrific". I then said "are you coming, or going??" He then tried to point to his house.

I said 'Oh, you're going inside??" and he nodded.

I then opened up the driver's side door and said 'okay, why not just go into the house and go to sleep (this was 8 P.M.)

He said "okay". I said goodbye, continued walking, and I looked back.

He closed the door again, turned on the car (well the lights were on) and just stayed there.

I honestly did not know what to do.

I know he's okay because the air conditioning was on, and every night his son walks their giant German Shephard, and other people are on this block. It's well trafficked.

I really did what I could.

I won't mention this to his wife, I would never want to embarrass her. She knows he drinks, there are always beer cans all over the house, so EVERYBODY drinks. It got worse after 9/11.

So did I do everything I should have done?

I want to know just in case I run into this again.

Thanks very much.

Melody

If he was in a closed building with the motor running then he could get carbon monoxide poisoning.

Was the wife or a family member home??
Suggest they take him in the house?
And take away his keys....
I would be concerned he might wake up enough to try to drive
Or call police to check on him...it might get him on the road to some help or a wake up call anyway...
I don't know if sitting in a running car & being drunk as a skunk is legal or illegal- cops might think it is illegal as person might try to drive.

Well, it's the next day, and I just walked around the corner and the car was still there and there was NO ONE in front or gossiping (so that's how I know somebody put him inside the house).

Now I have a dilemma. Do I tell the wife? She's a very nice woman who is dealing with a great sadness ever since 9/11. They never got over this loss.

But is it my business to tell her the next time I see her (Hey guess what happened? I found your husband dead drunk in the car).

I don't think anyone would welcome such a piece of news. I know how to speak to a person. I definitely know how to talk as to not to make some one uncomfortable. But I risk her being so embarassed that she'll just walk away and might never speak to me again.

She's a very very nice person who has had to deal with such loss.

I don't want to add to her dismay. She knows her husband is an alcoholic. They all are in that family. They are always bringing home cartons of beer. I see this all the time.

But is it MY business to stick my nose in to someone else's business.

They might say "oh go f yourself, it's not your concern"

See my dilemma??

I once saw the wife coming home from work (she's a para in a school). She parked the car (I was watching to see if she had one too many). Sure enough she staggered just a bit. I know her, I know what she does. I know what she drinks.

But you should not drink and drive. Of course I know this.

She looked at me, smiled and we had a perfectly normal conversation.

Actually I have never seen her when she is completely sober. With the school days over, I guess she has more time to take a nip now and then. I gather this is her right.

She has 2 sons left and a daughter and she has grandchildren who she adores.

But she and her husband are alcoholics and I gather they don't want to stop drinking.

I went to two funerals when her son died. One before they found his body, and one afterwards.

Such sadness in one family is overwhelming, this I know.

But people should never get behind the wheel when they are inebriated...this I know also.

I'm in a quandry here.

Any suggestions are welcome.

Mel

I'd just let it roll off your back. What if she already knows? You never know....

The drinking part is a separate issue, since it sounds they all drink in the family.
It's the drinking/driving issue that is more of a concern to me.

If he or anyone was that drunk and walking the street carrying a gun what would you do?
Just leave him alone or call police?
A car can be as deadly as a gun right?
That's how I would look at the situation if it happened again.

Innocent people could get hit & killed if he tried to drive in the condition he was in.
He might have just gotten home from somewhere or was planning to go somewhere but passed out instead.

That's exactly what I think happened.
So do I tell the wife or do I just chalk it up to a happening that I witnessed and if it happens again, I'll ring the bell and say "uh, your dad is asleep and the car is on".

thanks
Mel

I think Melody that I wouldn't bother with the mentioning of it this time. She obviously knows. The next time though that you happen to find him in that position and not getting an answer on first tries I would quietly open the door, roll down the window if it is hot and turn off the car and ring the bell and let them know or if it is late put his keys in their mailbox. He may have to beat on his door or ring the bell a few times to get in but that is better than him coming to and driving off. Then the next morning just go over ring the bell and very calmly and keeping it brief say I put your husband's keys in the mailbox because I was concerned for his safety and the safety of others. Make his safety first so they will take less offense even if that is not really how we feel. Called soothing egos. Don't stick around, I am sure they will be embarrassed and do not want to confide and will appreciate your discretion.

Wow, Christina.

I never would have thought of doing what you wrote.

How kind of you to explain this whole Soothing Egos to me.

I just passed their house and the wife and son were on the porch. We chatted briefly. I mentioned nothing. I haven't seen the guy for a few days.

So it's their private matter and I would never intrude.

But thanks so much.

If it DOES happen again, I shall do exactly what you wrote.

Thanks so much for the lesson.

I learn stuff every day on these boards.

Stay well.

Mel

I do believe that legally drunk, behind the wheel, car running or not is grounds for arrest.

I guess if you KNOW the person and want to help, if it was me I'd have pushed him over to passenger's side and got in and driven him home THEN leave the keys with his wife.

But that's just me. I always do the wrong thing and get crucified later for it.

Can't drive him home because he was parked right in front of his own house.

Can't drive him home BECAUSE I DON'T DRIVE!!!

And I completely understand you when you say "I always do the wrong thing and get crucifed later for it".

These kinds of scenarios always end up with hurt feelings, people being embarrassed and later on, they can't look you in the face and you wind up losing friendships. How sad when this happens.

But that's life.

We just have to look at each situation and try and do the right thing.

If this happens again, I know what to do.

Let's just hope it doesn't happen again.

Sigh!!!!