Okay, here's where I NEED YOUR EXPERTISE.

I have a son who I haven't seen in 7 years. He is a compulsive gambler (been diagnosed with Aspergers). He graduated college on a full scholarship, moved out at 20, maxed out his credit cards, and began a journey visiting various casinos from Arizona to California.

He settled in California and applied for SSI which he got. One psychiatrist said "you have aspergers". All the other specialists diagnosed him with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

To me and Alan, it really doesn't matter because he is toxic, selfish and does what he wants. For the first 2 years in California he was in and out of psych hospitals (just to get a bed (he admitted this). he would cry "suicide" and they would pick him up, feed and house him and he would say to me "Mom, they will walk over your dead body but cry suicide and by law they have to pick you up and take care of you". I checked, he was correct.

To say this gambling, and narcissistic behavior nearly destroyed us is putting in mildly. But we persevered, (Alan and I), grew closer, and formed a bond. It was us and only us.

I would maybe hear from my son 4 times a year. He used to ask for money. I went to gamanon meetins (and learned a great deal). I never sent him any money except on his birthday once a year and that was $25.00.

He got on SSI, they housed him in various board and cares, and various places and he gambled the rent (two times) and both times they took his payee status away. He won the right to be his own payee and he controlled his own money. He lost two apartments by the way. He would say things like: "gambling gives me hope", etc. etc. I'm depressed".

He has been on various meds (not when he lived at home).This all happened after he moved away.

For the past 4 or so years he has lived in a virtual reality world known as Second Life. This virtual reality game is extremely addictive and many marriages, relationships, etc, have been lost due to this addictive environment.

I have joined in forums where families discussed their family members being addicted to Second Life.

So my son has TWO things going on (that I know of), Second Life and the gambling. I really haven't had a conversation with him in a LONG time because I refuse to be a co-dependant and listen to the scams he pulls.

We thought he had settled in years ago, but it seems there has been a new development. Oh, by the way, he has cable tv, dsl lines, computer, dvd players, 3 meals a day (he does not cook but uses a microwave).

I've been down this road so many times I cannot tell you. I distanced myself about 2 years ago when the Second Life thing was consuming him 24 hours a day. I had spoken to his Social Workers, and they completely understood.

They told me years ago, "he doesn't do drugs, that's not his thing, his thing is gambling".

He only cares about himself (that much is painfully obvious).

So, after not hearing from him (his duty phone call I would refer to it), it's been about 5 months, the phone just ran, and there was a 702 area code.

It was him. I said "what are you doing in a 702 area code, you live in California."?

And he said "I'm in a Las Vegas Hospital". I said "you're what???"

And he said "I'm on suicide watch". You see, this is how he lived for 2 years after he left us. He would get on and off buses and call 911 and he would be picked up, fed, housed, etc. He would say "All I need is to get on SSI, then I'll be set". Guess he's not set?

So on to our conversation. I said "Oh, you're doing the sucide thing again?"

And he said "well, it's a lot more complicated now, I can't get home".

I said "why not? and why are you in Las Vegas?"

He said: 'I won money in Second Life, and thought I could win big in Vegas".

I said "But you've been doing this for YEARS, you haven't learned yet, THAT YOU CAN'T WIN??"

He sighed and said: "Listen, it's complicated, the reason I gamble is that it gives me hope". I said "but you're extremely intelligent, and you found out a long time ago that it doesn't work that way, you've lost it all before, and you had every chance to go for help, but you never did".

He said "Listen, I have no way to get back home (from Las Vegas to California), he takes the Greyhound.

I said "what do you want?" (I thought from the way he made it sound that he wanted $20 for the bus ride home).

He said "Well, with the bus ticket and some groceries (remember he doesn't need to cook because they supply him with 3 meals a day where he lives). He said "About $200 would do it" I said "oh, how sad, your dad and I just came home from the food pantry and we get our food there"

I then said "why don't you do what you did before, call the Kern Linkage Program and they'll pay for your bus ticket home (they do this).

He said "How about $150". I said "sorry, we have no money".

he said "oh, okay, I'll call you when I figure out what to do".

Okay people. I used to feel quite nothing when I thought of him (I've learned to do this).

I don't want my feelings waking up. He scares me. This is not a warm fuzzy mommy feeling that I now have. I lost that A LONG TIME AGO.

He's an addict. He knows it (but he makes excuses because of the aspergers ) which frankly, I do not believe he has. He's a con man and a manipulator.

He did this suicide bit YEARS AGO, and it got him whatever he wanted.

He's brilliant but he has never had a job in his life. He always said (after he moved away). I knew I would never work, besides, you gave birth to me, so you owe me". You have to try and picture my response to this.

We never use bad language, we never raise our voices. We try and be diplomatic but honestly, he's toxic and I don't want Alan to go through any more. He has enough health issues.

We've actually been quite happy for the past few years and I'd like to continue.

So I need your good wisdom.

Do I keep the phone on voice mail and do what I've been doing for years.

I know what I want to do. I don't know what I should do.

You see, I've done the research. Many young men who cry suicide actually die from fake attempts (because they think people will take care of them, send them money, WHATEVER!!!

I am prepared for this. The first time he did this 7 years ago, I remember being on the phone with the sucide hot line for 5 nights in a row till 3 a.m. and they sent a (I think it's called a PACT team). to his apartment, to find him perfectly fine and laughing. He said "mom, I didn't mean it".

To say that I don't want him in our lives is putting it mildly.

I'd appreciate any advice you would care to give.

And I hope you don't judge me.

Melody

P.S. If anyone wants to PM me, that's fine