DM:

Thanks very much for what you wrote. I've been KEEPING MY WINDOWS ROLLED UP FOR OVER 7 YEARS.

And the suicide threat thing? It's his way of manipulating others to get what he wants. Since he knows that if you call up 911, that by law, they have to pick you up, bring you someplace, feed you, take care of you, etc. etc., well, he's learned that he doesn't have to GROW UP, BE ACCOUNTABLE, or whatever words I'm trying to find to express his thinking mind-set.

He told me this 7 years ago, when he started the getting on buses and getting off of buses and calling 911. The only time it backfired was when he landed in San Francisco. You see, every other time he got off of a bus (with his suitcase), he would call 911, and some paramedic or firemen would show up, put their arms over him, bring him to a crisis center, or a psych ward and he would get a place for the night (or sometimes up to 2 weeks), he would then phone me (he used phone cards at the time). I would then get a phone call from each social worker in EACH psych ward that he ended up in.

But when he did this in San Francisco, the cops showed up in a patrol car and handcuffed him. They brought him to the ER and when they saw he was no danger to himself, they un cuffed him. He phoned me and said "wow, I never knew they arrest you when you call 911". I said "haven't you learned ANYTHING BY NOW"??

I got so tired of all the phone calls that I typed up his whole background (from when he was a kid), and every time a new social worker from a new hospital would phone me I would interrupt them and say "Hold on, give me your fax number, I'm going to fax you all the info".

I must have done this 20 or more times. He did this from Arizona through California.

He finally settled in Bakersfield CA.

Oh, a poster on this forum asked me if GA was where he got his education. GA stands for GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS. This is where I believe he should be attending meetings.

He grew up in Brooklyn NY, and was put in Special Ed classes from first grade through 3rd grade, whereupon he informed us "Mom, I don't want to be in Special Ed any more, I want to be in regular classes". I then said "with your compulsive behavior, do you think you can manage being mainstreamed?" (Just imagine having this conversation with a kid in the 3rd grade, because I forget his age when we had this conversation.

He told me "don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing".

HE DID!!! the Special Ed department started mainstreaming him in regular classes. He did just fine. He went into full regular classrooms in the 4th grade.

How did he do in the 4th Grade? Never got less than 100 on anything and had no tantrums. His teacher told me "I never think he's paying attention because he looks out of the window all the time, but then the test results come in and he gets 100%".

Then the Citywide Math tests were given. He scored in the 98 percentile OF ALL NEW YORK. So we know he's smart. He just has no soul. He sold it by the way on EBAY 7 years ago for $15.00. He drafted a document saying "This document contains the soul of ....." Some idiot bought it.

I have no way of knowing if he was gambling before the age of 20 because he was always on his computer in his room. But then, there could have been THE INTERNET GAMBLING, RIGHT?

What parents do not know is THAT THEIR KIDS ARE DOING STUFF AND THE PARENT'S HAVE NO CLUE. No clue at all.

My friend has a 30 year old beautiful daughter who parties all the time. She lives with men, then breaks up and finds another one. She drinks. What did the mother say? "oh, I know my daughter likes to drink now and then, but I know she doesn't do drugs". OH REALLY? Then what did I find when I walked into a backyard party one summer evening, (quite unexpectedly) and the aroma of Pot was everywhere and I said "oh my god, your grandma is right behind me, put that stuff out" And they were waving all the smoke around.

No one had a clue. I did not say anything because these people were 30 years old and who would believe me anyway?

And one night, I was over at a friend's house and the grandma was there, and they had asked me about my son, so I told them the latest developments. the grandma said "but he's your son, you don't send him money?" and I said "now why on earth would I send a gambler money"???

And the response? She walked over to me, patted me on the arm and said "Because he's your son".

I then countered with "If a 2 year old is walking with his parents and wants to jump off of a building, do you let them?" and she said "of course not" and I said "how come?" and she said "Well, it would hurt him, and we have to protect them".

I then said "so that same two year old is walking with you 5 times a week and every time you take him out he wants to go on the horsey ride and it costs you one dollar. And you do this 5 times a week. Then you are out of money, and you say "no" to the two year old. What do you think the 2 year old is going to do?"

She said "oh, he'll have a fit, a temper tantrum, etc." I said "now why is he doing that". And she got a lightbulb moment and said "oh, because he got used to going on the horsey ride so many times that week".

I said 'BINGO"

Now translate that to a grown up person being enabled by their parents, given free room and lodging and the parents say "but he's my son, we owe him".

She shook her head sadly and said "I could never be so strong, I would have given him all the money he wanted".

I said "thank god, he's not your son".

I'm telling you, I learn new stuff all the time just from speaking to people.

People are afraid of losing their grown children's love, and the kids know this, and they prey upon it.

Not right.

Okay, I'll get off of my soap box.

But it was really good to share all of this information with you. If this even helps one parent to put on some boundaries and say "no", once in a while, and when the kid looks at them incredulously and says" "what do you mean, NO, you can't say NO to me, I'm your child".

The parent should say "That's exactly why I'm saying NO"

Melody