[BobbyB]

Mother, daughter face struggles together
11/21/2007 11:45:43 PM
By Linda Hanson



Duluth News Tribune

DULUTH -- As a nurse slides a finger next to the letters of the alphabet. JoAn Falardeau blinks when the nurse gets to a letter she wants.

W. Blink. O. Blink. N. Blink. D. Blink.

"Are you spelling 'wonderful?'" nurse Susan Lucas asks.

JoAn smiles.

"Wonderful" is the word Falardeau chooses to describe her petite, white-haired, 101-year-old mother.

Evelyn Williams, sitting next to JoAn in a wheelchair, places her hand on JoAn's leg and gives her only child a pat. "We're real close," she said.

JoAn, 72, is unable to talk or move because she suffers from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also known as Lou Gehrig's disease. With JoAn's decline in health the past few years and Evelyn's advanced age, they have become even closer.

Evelyn believes the reason she has lived so long is so she could be there for her daughter. "Neither one of us is giving up," Evelyn said. "She's hanging on, and I'm hanging on."

JoAn lives in the Interim HealthCare Vent Care Residence in Duluth, which serves people who need a ventilator to help them breathe. The residence is tucked into a quiet lot at 4730 Matterhorn Circle. It can accommodate up to 15 people, including people who are there for long-term care, such as JoAn, and those who come to be weaned off a ventilator after a health crisis such as a heart attack. It's the only residence of its kind in the Midwest. Because of the advanced state of JoAn's disease, she must use a ventilator 24 hours a day. The tube that connects her trachea to the ventilator is her lifeline.

Living with ALS

In his book "Tuesdays with Morrie," Mitch Albom described ALS as a lit candle that melts your nerves and leaves your body a pile of wax.

The ALS Association describes the disease this way: It's a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord and eventually destroys the body's motor neurons. When the motor neurons die, the brain loses the ability to initiate and control muscle movement. In later stages, patients might become totally paralyzed.

Diagnosed in 1999, JoAn has lost almost all voluntary muscle movements. But she still can smile and blink. And her senses and her mind are as sharp as ever.

Her husband, Duane, cared for her -- with some help from others -- in their Grand Rapids home until she moved into the Duluth vent care residence three years ago. Duane visits JoAn every week.

JoAn has many close friends who continue to visit, call and send mail. One of her closest friends, Sallie Bush of Fargo, N.D., calls every day to share what she's doing.

One of JoAn's longtime friends, Gladys Binette of Duluth, said JoAn always has been a positive, generous person with a wonderful smile. "Even in junior high and high school, whenever you saw JoAn she always had a smile for you," she said.

As JoAn's health worsened, she thought ahead and asked a friend, Terry Donnelly, to help Evelyn. Binette also helps out.

Supporting each other

Evelyn lived independently until March when she developed pneumonia and was hospitalized. After her illness, she needed help and couldn't go home alone. Interim HealthCare's management team made an exception to allow Evelyn, who doesn't use a ventilator, to live in a room near JoAn's room.

Being able to live there and see her daughter every day is "the most wonderful thing that could have happened," Evelyn said.

Mother and daughter give each other support.

Every day they watch a TV game show or two together. JoAn likes to send such things as teddy bears to her mother's room to make her happy.

"She's taking care of me, and I'm taking care of her," Evelyn said. "If not for JoAn, I wouldn't be here."

Evelyn said JoAn was always a good girl.

"She's got a real good head," Evelyn said. "She still does."

JoAn smiled. "She has the nicest smile of anyone I know," Evelyn said.

Making things livable

JoAn, who graduated from Duluth East High School in 1953, taught kindergarten in Fargo, N.D., for 35 years until her retirement. Every month, her former principal sends a pillowcase made with festive fabrics. JoAn shares them with her mother.

Evelyn took out a note on lavender stationary that JoAn sent her last month, shortly after Evelyn turned 101. Evelyn was one of 17 centenarians honored at a celebration last month at the Duluth Entertainment Convention Center. She attributed her longevity to dancing until she was 90.

It has been hard on JoAn to live with the disease, and it's been hard on Evelyn to watch her daughter's physical demise. But they both try to be upbeat.

When asked what gives her hope and keeps her going, tears filled Evelyn's pale blue eyes.

"Everything I do, everything I think is for JoAn," Evelyn said. "I live for JoAn."

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