Father and son face challenges with love
Divorce, debilitating illness bring parent and child closer together
Judy Bastien • jbastien@theadvertiser.com • June 15, 2008


Chris Avel chats with his son Christopher II, 16, on Wednesday at their home in Estherwood. Christopher Avel takes on many of the responsibilities of caring for his dad who was diagnosed with ALS in 2003 and is confined to a wheelchair.


Fatherhood is a challenging profession. And, Chris Avel has faced greater challenges than the average dad.

The first challenge came in 2000, after his divorce, when his children, Victoria, about 12 at the time, and Christopher II, about 8, went to live with him full time in his Estherwood home.
The second challenge arose in 2003, when Avel was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, better known as ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease, a degenerative condition that affects the nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.

Catastrophic events can tear a family apart, but in this case, it seems to have brought father and son closer together.

Christopher, now 16, still lives with his father, while his older sister lives in Crowley, working in Lafayette and attending vocational school in Abbeville.

The bond between Avel and his son is obvious, as they exchange good-natured jibes, each trying to outdo the other.

Christopher is quick on his feet with the gentle insults aimed at his father, but the National Honor Society student at Crowley High School, like most teens, seems to squirm and tries to change the subject whenever his beaming dad brags about his accomplishments.

The bond between the two began to strengthen when Avel became the full-time caregiver to his children.

"I became Mr. Mom," said Avel, who admitted he was ill-prepared.

Until his kids moved in with him, he had concentrated on his job.

"His mom used to take care of (them) a lot, because I used to work a lot in a management position, which required me to be away from home," Avel said, adding that his job took him out of state about once a month. "I had to step up to the plate and be there. I had to juggle work and get home and take care of him, make sure food was on the table, be there as a dad - things I took for granted."

The little chores of daily existence proved to be the most challenging - things like doing laundry, cooking and cleaning.

Christopher learned to do his share.

"He had to learn at a younger age to do things his mom did. He learned to cook at an early age; he learned to make sure the trash was taken out without anyone telling him to. He had to grow up faster than a normal child has to."

Even after he married again, Avel continued in his role, while his second wife, Rhonda, worked full time and went to school full time.

"I was picking him up from school, bringing him to baseball practice - all those things," Avel said.

It continued even after he was diagnosed with ALS at the end of 2003, while he could still get around with a walker and could still drive.

But, in 2004, it was Christopher's turn to step up in a way most teens never have to.

"I went disabled at the end of '04," said Avel, who has been confined to a wheelchair since 2005.

The whole family, including Avel's parents, Janis and Ronnie Coignard, rallied together to cope with his illness.

"It was eye-opening," said Janis Coignard of the new world into which they were plunged.

When Christopher was about 13, he began helping to take care of his father. Now, home health professionals take care of Avel's needs during the day, but Christopher continues to be his father's caregiver at night.

"He has been my everything - my caregiver, my best friend, my nurse, my muscles. It's very humbling for him to do all these tasks for a parent - making sure his dad is in bed. He has to dress me. He does more than just a regular child would," Avel said.

Avel and Christopher have been living in the Coignards' home, while their own house next door was being remodeled and equipped for Avel's special needs. They are scheduled to move back to their home this weekend.

This summer, in addition to teaching Bible classes to younger kids at First United Methodist Church in Crowley, Christopher has taken his first summer job at a project at the LSU rice research station in Crowley.

"He's saving for a vehicle," Avel said.

The adjustments haven't always been easy for Avel, from learning how to be father and mother to coping with a debilitating disease.

"It's been very hard, when you're coming from being very independent to having to rely on other people to take care of your needs," Avel said.

But, it has all contributed to the relationship between father and son.

"I loved it," Avel said, referring to his role as principal caregiver to his children. "I got to know my son more. We've bonded so much more in the last eight years than if it had been a different way - even more so, now that I'm sick, because he has catered to me in a way no normal child would."



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