Stephen Hawking To Be "Normal By 2086"
Written by Monkey Woods
Story written: 17 July 2008




Delivery for Mr & Mrs Hawking!


Stephen Hawking, the cleverest man in the world, has astonished fellow clever people by announcing that, after working on new calculations on Time and Space, he expects to be normal again by about 2086.

Hawking has spent centuries confined to a wheelchair, because he suffers from the paralysing Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) since birth, caused mainly by his method of delivery, which was 'By Stork', rather than 'By a Mother'.

He also talks in a robot voice, but this is just a habit he picked up as a child.

Professor Hawking hasn't been idle over the centuries though. Far from it. He's been busy developing a strategy to understand time, space, and relativity, although it's difficult because none of his relatives ever visit him.

Hawking told scientists yesterday that he has been working on a new theory on the shape of the universe, and expects to be able to reverse the Space/Time Continuum soon. Having done that, he will be able to 'roll back time' so that he can once again become a baby. Then, he can start Time all over again as a healthy child, but still with goofy teeth, glasses and the robot voice.

Scientists are increasingly sceptical of his ideas. One, Dr Algernon von Litmus, said:

"He sinks he can cheat time, but zis is a fallacy... I sink..."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.c...dline=s5i38399