Despite gloom, real blessings are all around
by Laurie Roberts - Nov. 26, 2008 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic

The economy is in mid swan dive, and jobs are circling the drain, and life savings right along with them. Every day, we are bludgeoned by bad news.

Foreclosures are up and bankruptcies, too, and everywhere you turn, you can feel it - the fear, the uncertainty - and oh, by the way, tomorrow we're supposed to be thankful.

Given that, I thought it might be a good time to consult with one of the world's leading experts on loss.

Stuart Bridges lies in a bed in a big green room on a street called Granite Reef. Day after day, he lies in that bed. Hour after hour. Minute after minute. He knows that he will never leave it yet he refuses to feel sorry for himself, refuses to give in to despair or bitterness.

"Life isn't all bad," he tells me, "if you're still writing thank-you cards."

I met Stuart nearly three years ago and whenever I feel like my balance sheet - blessings to bad stuff - is out of whack, I go see him.

Stuart has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Lou Gehrig's disease. Inch by excruciating inch, it has stolen away pieces of his life to the point he can no longer walk, no longer move, no longer breathe without help. But still he has a voice, which is a miracle, I think, and a blessing.

"When you're the most scared, that's the time to write a thank-you card," Stuart told me the other day, his weakening voice now amplified by a speaker. "It makes you think about the other person as opposed to dwelling on your own problems. You can become saturated with your own problems. When things are at their worst, I think this is the true measure of the human spirit, to reach down inside yourself and come up with a thank-you card."

A decade ago, Stuart was a tax auditor with the state, an amateur athlete who played tennis a couple of times a week. At the time of his diagnosis in 2001, he was certain he wouldn't be able to handle what was to come.

"I thought all the joy in my life would be gone," he said. "However, I was wrong."

Stuart was 42 when his diagnosis was delivered. Last week, he celebrated his 50th birthday and every day, he still finds something that makes him happy, whether it's a visit from a friend or a memory from a better time or a stranger's letter.

It's the letters that are the most astonishing thing. Last Thanksgiving, I wrote about Stuart and asked readers to drop him a line (P.O. Box 3772, Scottsdale, AZ 85271). I was hoping people would dash off a quick card, something to carry him through a day. Instead, they thanked him.

The ailing veteran who read his story and found the strength to get out of bed. The single mother who realized that her problems weren't so awful after all. The Sun City woman who had retired not just from her job, but from life. Having learned about Stuart, she began volunteering at a hospital and found not only something to occupy her time, but her heart.

All year,people have asked me about Stuart. Ruth Harrison Cohen called me just the other week to see how he was doing.

"He has made my life a thanksgiving," she said. "Any time things get tough, I think of him."

Stuart would call that the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. Things you once thought were important may slip away. Jobs and stock portfolios may disappear. Mere muscle and sinew may fail you.

But if you stop and look around, he would tell you, the essential things - the real blessings - remain.

"When I feel bad," Stuart told me, "I write a thank-you note. It makes me think about not what I've lost, but what I still have."


Reach Roberts at laurie.roberts@arizonarepublic.com or 602-444-8635. Read her blog at robertsblog.azcentral.com.

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