Love and Family: What more could you ask for?
by Jeff Barr | Kalamazoo Gazette
Thursday December 25, 2008, 8:00 AM

PORTAGE -- He has been slowly robbed of the activities he used to enjoy. Bowling is no more. Basketball is out the window. Golf is gone, and softball is over.

Vital functions are no longer taken for granted. Swallowing is becoming an issue, and his speech is fading fast.

jonathon Gruenke / GazetteJerry Cox, right, of Portage, has ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and has seen an abundance of support from loved ones, co-workers and friends. From the left are his wife Anna and children Sophia, 5, and Ty, 2.
But on this Christmas morning, Jerry Cox refuses to dwell on the things he has lost. ALS has stolen much, but it is his appreciation of life, adoration of his family and gratitude for friends and loved ones that occupy his mind.

"I don't want people to feel sorry for me, and the best way to do that is to live my life not feeling sorry for myself," said Cox, 48, who was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's Disease, the day before Thanksgiving 2007. "There are difficult days, but people have been so kind. When I focus on that, it makes it easier to deal with my situation."

That situation calls for Cox to endure the day-to-day progression of a terminal disease and to realize that his family must face a future without a loving father and husband. His wife, Anna, 38; daughter, Sophia, 5; and son, Ty, 2, will have memories of a man whom others describe as "selfless," "giving" and "one of a kind."

"He's the most amazing man I've ever met, and that's not just because I'm his wife," said Anna Cox, a part-time registered nurse at Bronson Rambling Road Pediatrics. "I try to stay as positive as I can, but he's much better at it than I am."

The golden ruleLisa Norberg 12/24/08 lowercase is cq has guided both Jerry and Anna Cox throughout their lives, individually before they were married seven years ago and as a couple since. They have given to those in need, providing food, clothing, care and patience. Now, after treating others with such kindness, they are being repaid with the golden gift of friendship and compassion.

"I know Anna better than Jerry, and she has an uncanny ability to know people need help even before they ask," said Mary Shira, a nurse practitioner who has worked with Anna Cox for more than a decade -- first at Bronson Methodist Hospital and now at the Rambling Road facility.

"For them to be hit with something like this is so unfair," Shira said. "No one deserves this, obviously, but they deserve it less than anyone I know."

Friends and family have stepped up mightily. More than 300 showed up for a fundraiser at Harpo's Lanes Bowling Center, where Jerry Cox once bowled a 290 game in a most unusual fashion -- 11 consecutive strikes followed by a gutter ball. A swim-athon was organized by Alison and Lauren Lamie -- neighbors and members of the Portage Northern High School swimming team. Portage Central High School golf coach Chuck Shira, Mary Shira's husband, planned a golf outing at Pine View Golf Club. Dinners have been served, and a silent auction is planned.

Funds raised are going toward mounting medical bills that fall in the cracks of insurance coverage. Jerry Cox has owned Sign Crafters on Cork Street in Kalamazoo and continues to work, but his medical needs are more than a middle-class income can handle. As his extremities fail him, he faces the prospect of being homebound. A feeding tube is not far away.

The most immediate need is a Dynavox Assistive Speaking Device, which costs $6,800. A suction device to clear his lungs has been ordered, and more equipment will be needed as the neurologically crippling disease progresses. Some is covered, but much is not.

"So many people have helped, not only with money, but with time and effort and kindness," Jerry Cox said. "And I appreciate it so much. But after being on the giving end of this for so long, it's sometimes difficult to sit back and accept it without feeling uncomfortable.

"But it's becoming easier to accept as I see the joy it brings them and the help it brings our family."

The Cox children also have been on the receiving end of the kindness. Sophia sees an intervention specialist at Mattawan Early Elementary School, where she attends kindergarten. Barbara Manzon answers Sophia's questions about her father's illness.

The Coxes do not hide information from their daughter. Sophia's questions are answered, but only as they arise.

"We are open with her, but we give her what she can handle," Anna Cox said. "Sometimes people slip up and talk about Jerry dying. I don't think she's ready to hear that yet."

Ty attends Farmland Friends Daycare in Mattawan, where day-care specialist Danell Disterheft "goes so far above the normal day care it's unbelievable," Anna Cox said.

Thinking of his family's life without him is a constant presence in Jerry Cox's mind.

"I think about it all the time," he said. "My personal problems are secondary to that."

Still, the Coxes smile in their warm Portage home that has all the trappings of family and Christmas. There is a 9-foot tree with an oversized angel that makes it an even 10 feet. A huge playroom has wall-to-wall toys. Red holly berry candles glow. These are the simple things the family enjoys.

"I have appreciated my life, and I will continue to appreciate my life," Jerry Cox said. "Look around this house. How could I not enjoy everything I have?

"It is Christmas. I have the gift of love and family. What more could you ask for?"

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