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Not ready to give up
Andrea Domaskin, The Forum
Published Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Leaping dolphin figurines make a quiet but strong statement in Alan and Shelly Grossman’s living room.

There is a story behind them, says Shelly, and of the dolphin and cross tattooed on her leg.

It’s a story of faith that has guided the family for more than nine years as ALS stole her husband’s body bit by bit.

What started as a tingling in the West Fargo man’s left hand and arm has left him paralyzed but for his eyes and some facial muscles.

His disease, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, is often called Lou Gehrig’s disease. It’s a progressive disease that affects nerve cells, and there is no cure.


Shelly Grossman breaks out in laughter after her husband, Alan, relays a joke through his computer at their home in West Fargo. Despite losing his voice and motor skills to ALS, Alan is able to communicate through eye movements and using voice software from his on-screen computer keyboard. Photos by
But Alan, 48, hasn’t given up living as his body gives out. Instead, he and Shelly rely on their community and their beliefs.

Dolphin signs

The dolphin connection started in 2000, when Dakota Supply Group, where Shelly works and Alan once did, sent the couple and their two sons to Florida for one last family vacation.

One evening, Shelly stayed at the hotel to wash dishes while Alan and sons Mike and Matt swam in the ocean.

Alan could still walk, though he no longer had use of his arms.

Suddenly Matt and Mike pounded on the hotel room door, alerting Shelly that they thought sharks were swimming near their dad.

By the time she arrived at the beach, a crowd had gathered.

Alan stood in the water, tears rolling down his face. Dolphins, not sharks, swam around him.

The night before, the couple had watched a show about dolphins.

The mammal can tell when someone is sick and will protect that person, Shelly says.

“It was at that moment that Alan and I knew we were going to be OK,” she says. “It was like God sent us a sign saying, ‘I’ll take care of you.’ ”

Friends and family

The Grossmans were a typical family before Alan was diagnosed with ALS.

Their kids, 12 and 14 at the time, loved sports. Alan enjoyed golfing and doing yard work. Their involvement at West Fargo’s Faith Lutheran Church was important, too.

Initially, Alan thought he had carpal tunnel syndrome. Shelly thought her husband would get a brace and the problem would be fixed.

“But it wasn’t,” she says.

However, Alan’s descent into ALS has been more gradual. While the average life expectancy is two to five years, he has lived with the disease since his diagnosis in December 1997.

“They said it was a slow progression, so we tried to battle it and live as normally as possible,” Alan says using a computer to speak.

Help came – and comes – from family and friends.

Neighbors shovel the driveway, for example.

After Alan retired in 1999, friends brought their lunches to his house to eat with him. As his disease progressed, they fed him, Shelly says.

Several of those friends still visit, Alan says.

At first, Shelly says, everyone wanted Alan to see his son, Matt, graduate from high school in 2001. Then the goal became watching his younger son, Mike, graduate in 2003.

“Now, maybe a grandchild,” Shelly says, adding with a laugh that they’d like to see their sons married first.

Living with dignity

These days, ALS has overtaken most of Alan’s body.

He uses a ventilator to breathe. Because he cannot speak, he communicates by blinking – one blink means yes – and using his computer.

To speak, he wiggles his forehead, where a reflective dot communicates with a camera connected to his computer. Then a computerized voice speaks Alan’s words.

“The biggest frustration is having to explain things with an alphabet board if I’m not at my computer,” Alan says.

He needs round-the-clock care, provided by Shelly, other family members and several nurses.

Until last year, Alan used his computer to maintain Faith Lutheran’s Web site. When he could no longer do so, the church named him webmaster emeritus.

The Rev. Peter Schmidt, senior pastor at Faith Lutheran, says the Grossmans have been active in the church for years.

“It’s their own faith that has enabled them to be positive and powerful on this nine-year journey they’ve been on,” Schmidt says. “I’m quite inspired by them. I try to be their pastor, but they also minister to me.”

Shelly says some people tell her that ALS takes everything, especially a patient’s dignity. She disagrees.

“To me, I don’t think you can take away a person’s dignity when they choose to continue in their life with having almost everything taken away from them,” she says.

Readers can reach Forum reporter

Andrea Domaskin at (701) 241-5556
http://www.in-forum.com/News/articles/156385