The Sandwich Generation: Life for a Mother and Daughter Living with ALS


Kathryn Wills and her mother Roberta



Kathryn Wills





By Angela Spears
First Coast News

CLAY COUNTY, FL -- It isn't easy taking care of an aging or sick parent. But, it is something many people have to deal with. It's called the "sandwich generation," caring for your children while taking care of a parent.

Kathryn Wills doesn't have children, but she is now the caregiver for her mother. Plus, she works full time.

Her mother, Roberta Wills, was an educator for 37 years. She was a Reading Specialist. She loves kids. In October 2005, she got a diagnosis. One that has changed her life.

Mom and daughter have always lived together. Kathryn says her mom is still fun, but "she was big time fun. We used to do spontaneous things together, go on day trips."

Now their contact is limited. Everything Roberta does is from a chair in their living room. Kathryn has to play the role of parent. "My mother likes being in control. I think that's been the most difficult part of her becoming ill is her having to allow other people do things in her mind she's capable of doing, but her body doesn't allow it."

Roberta has Lou Gehrig's Disease or ALS. She can no longer walk or talk. Kathryn says, "We used to have good girl talk. I miss walking in and her asking how's your day been."

Roberta is able to communicate her thoughts on pen and paper. She talked with First Coast News about her chair that basically has become one of the only things she can sit on. She wrote, "In this chair, I even sleep in this chair."

At 32 years of age, life has changed for Kathryn too.

"I have no social life."

She has a lot of responsibilities when it comes to the care of her mom. "I help my mother take a bath, change her clothes, use the bathroom. I fix her meals for her."

This disease is taking its toll on both of them. Roberta says she misses so many things. For example, she misses the interaction with her four-year-old granddaughter. But the one thing Roberta says she misses the most, "I miss being around children."

Kathryn says there are words she repeats daily to herself.

"I want to make sure that if this is the last day (God forbid), I wouldn't have any regrets."

She just wants her mom to be happy and comfortable.

She told me they talk everyday about what is happening and what will happen. She promised her mom she would not put her in a nursing home.

It's not easy for Kathryn or Roberta. When Roberta really got sick, Kathryn said she would go to work and then come home 2 or 3 times throughout the day to check on her.

She finally got some help. She and her mother say Jesus sent them Linda for Christmas. That's Roberta's caregiver. Kathryn realizes she, and others in her situation, can't do it alone.

Related article:

The Sandwich Generation: Taking Care of Parents and Children at Same Time