The Mother Of A Friend Has Just Been Diagnosed With Alzheimers
And He Doesn't Know Anything About It - His Mother Is 81 And His Father Is 82 (with Parkinson And A Bad Heart). His Mother Just Had Back Surgery And Has Gotten So Much Worse Since She Came Home.
He Still Allows Her To Drive And She Refuses To Have Anyone Come To The House. Everyone Is In Denial - If They Dont Deal With It Then It Will Go Away. I Am Scared To Death What Could Happen.
Any Advice. I Have Given Him All Kinds Of Information But He Refuses To Look At It. Half The Time She Dosn't Even Think She Is In Her Own House.
How Do I Get Him To Face This Disease And Deal With It -
Even The Doctor Told Him He Has To Be The Bad Guy And Deal With It
But That Didnt Do Anygood.
These Two Are Not Checked On At All

Hi queenbee,
wow, what a very difficult situation.

They sound as if they need a full time carer around and it sure does sound dangerous especially if the mother is driving a car if she's doing as badly as it sounds.

Have you ever met any other relatives of your friend? Sisters, children? You've given your friend information as I'm sure the doctor has done as well. The situation seems somewhat drastic to me just from what you've written.

I'm not really sure what to even suggest 'cause I'm not sure if your friend is a full time carer staying and caring for them at home, or if they're totally on their own.

Does your friend stay at home to care for his mother and father or are they living on their own there??

Keep plugging away with the information. Print out some info. and give it to your friend even if they say they don't want it. Please let us know what is happening, it sounds very worrying indeed.

I was just sitting here thinking about what I'd do in the same situation. Sheesh... hardly something one can stay in denial about for too long although it's understandable. I can also understand that the mother might be in denial if she's been told... that is IF she's been told. Maybe she's not be told about her diagnosis yet??

If you can't get your friend to understand then I'd probably contact one of the Alzheimer's Disease Associations and ask for some advice from your perspective as a friend trying to help out.

I thought there would be something on these sites specifically regarding "denial" but I'm so tired and having trouble finding what I want. If I do find something specific later, then I'll post it as well.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/j...jsp?nodeid=571
Family Caregiver Alliance
Alzheimer's Disease, Early Stage

Some great information on that site above. The info. on that one page seems specifically tailored for the person who has just been diagnosed rather than a relative, but there is a section on driving which might be good to give to your friend. Also some contact resources and there down the bottom of that page.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/j...jsp?nodeid=989
Caregiver's Guide to Understanding Dementia Behaviors

There's also a Caregiver's Forum here at NeuroTalk. Perhaps if you copy your post over there as well, someone else will see your message and have some advice for your situation there.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/fo...aysprune=&f=56
Caregiver's Forum - NeuroTalk

Thanks What You Have Given Me Means A Lot To Me. I Am At Wits End, No She Hasn't Been Told - It Is A Sore Subject That No One Wants To Deal With. I Can't Believe It. I Have Approached It 1,000 Differant Ways And If I Keep It Up I Will No Longer Have This Friendship. I Just Don't Know What To Do

Hi again. I was actually thinking more about the situation overnight. (I'm on diff. timezone in Australia).

It's a shame they have such a communication problem there.
I think if it was me (and I've thought about this a lot because of close family history of relatives who have developed Alzheimer's Disease) then I'd want to know as early as possible.

Surely their doctor must have some responsiblity in all this. Maybe he's not aware of this lack of communciation and lack of care that's going on. Maybe your friend's mother has been coping all right for so long in her life that her son thinks everything is going to continue that way.

When I was reading some sites last night for you, I saw a lot of mention of such better quality of life if everyone can get organized early as possible.

My thoughts are with you. Tough situation. If you can't contact any other relatives of your friend to discuss your concerns with then maybe you need to take more drastic measures like contact community services in your area for advice or even talk to your own Doctor and ask her/him what can be done in the situation.

I'd probably do that first.

btw,
I do know that my old auntie lived on her own for a while after being diagnosed and she did very well with regular visitors checking on her and doing certain chores and shopping etc., but that was in the very beginning and she was doing alright for a while. Then as she deteriorated of course, that was no longer possible so she lived with her daughter for ages until her decline progressed too far and that was around the same time that her daughter burned out from exhaustion.

My auntie's mother, [my grandmother on my father's side], also had Alzheimer's and she lived at home with her daughter and the family for years and years until her death. Both of them always had someone around checking on them and making sure that they were still able to live safely and not leave stoves on or wander off and become lost, and they were certainly able to do that for a while very safely, but they weren't also caring for their spouse who was already ill themselves... like your friend's mother and father situation. Eating was a big problem I remember. Forgetting to actually eat and care for themselves properly. Hygiene etc. Fortunately they had relatives who cared who could do all that, otherwise it would have needed to be community workers or carers doing all of that.

Lara,
Thank you for all your advice.
She hasn't been told. If they tell her then they have to face it and I guess they can't.
If she were my mother I would have gotten everything organized to make her life easy and simple.
I went for two weeks to see them everyday. First thing in the morning to make sure they made it thru the night, took thier medicine, made lunch and dinner. Picked up medicine, helped shop, tried to get her to bath.
All day no one called or stopped to check on them.
Doctor told son to tell his mother but they are looking for someone else to do it, they even tried to get her surgeon to do it.
The mother does not want me coming up anymore, she says her sons can handle anything she needs. I really adore her and we had a great friendship
and in my heart I really do not want to lose that but even more I do not want anything to happen to her or her husband. They are so adorable.
She has left the stove on, doors unlocked, she will tell me she took medicine
and when I count the pills she didn't.
Thank you again