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-   -   not sure what to do to help father... (https://www.neurotalk.org/alzheimer-s-disease/36945-help-father.html)

AJ49 01-27-2008 05:12 PM

I felt like I was reading my own story...and then I saw the RRMS on the signature line and my heart sank even lower. I am SPMS and I see kicker with PPMS.

It's difficult to deal with the loss of what our parents are living through while trying to combat MS at the same time.

Somehow we will make with the help of boards like this and good friends!

Fresco 07-06-2008 07:24 PM

Hi Punk Dizzle,

I'm very sorry that your father and your family are going through the pain that Alzheimer's disease causes. It is a terrible illness that takes an huge toll on everyone involved, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and every way... But try to remember that you don't have to deal with it alone. There are a many people who have been through it and can offer you support and advice. I don't know where you live, but there is probably an Alzheimer's caregiver support group in your area. The social worker at a local hospital could help you find one.

Having more knowledge about coping strategies, and having more support around you can help reduce the stress on you and your family tremendously. Site's like this one are also a valuable resource for finding information and sharing experiences with others in the same situation.

I don't know what else to say, except that my thoughts are with you and, and I hope that you find the strength to get through this...

Kendyll 07-21-2008 10:28 AM

I am here with this right now.
My Dad is still in the hospital getting diagnosed, but we're all pretty sure that it's some variety of dementia or Alzheimer's. I've been worried about it for a long time. Most everyone else just got annoyed with him because he was so "scatterbrained". No wonder he didn't tell anyone about the hallucinations...

I don't know how to move forward with this. Even worse, I'm 270 miles away. Nothing I could do. Not sure I could do much anyways. I've got my own mental problems that give me enough trouble. I'm unfit to be a caregiver, and I know it. I don't know if my mom knows that she may not be fit, either. I saw the way she treated her own mother, and I can't let her do that to my Dad.

I want to take his guns away. I don't know if I can legally do that or not. He doesn't need them now and I don't want my mom or my sister to just throw them away or donate them to somewhere or something stupid. I'm one of two people in the family who is supposed to get them anyways. I just don't want my Dad wandering around confused, unable to recognize anyone, with a loaded firearm!

Sometimes, he knows us. Sometimes I can tell he's just playing along. Sometimes he's completely lost. I don't know what to do or what to think or even how to feel. In some ways, my Daddy is already gone. And what is left is trapped in a brain that is slowly ceasing to function. How do you guys bear it??

rumpled 07-22-2008 10:09 AM

I think something that may be easier to do although hard is to stop offering options.
When my MIL started to go downhill, my FIL still wanted her to decide, and it was very hard to get him to stop getting him to ask, but just to do. Do not ask milk or OJ anymore - just make the best decision now.
The hard part is that all decisions have to be made - from clothing to food to all - and I have to say is that a schedule helps. Schedule meals, bathing, activities, and make things very simple for your father.
Just make sure that you get help. This is a very rough thing to do alone. The mood swings are bad and very taxing and once the more physical issues (incontinence) come along, you will need more help. It is very hard to keep an adult clean. Infections are not fun.
Contact the local alzheimers chapter and get support and help you need. We got a case manager. Unfortunately for us, my FIL did not follow any of the advice and my MIL suffered for it.

Twinkletoes 07-22-2008 11:27 AM

How are you doing, Punk? And how is your dear Dad?

Seems like once they get Alzheimer's, they're on a slippery slope. Which isn't to say there will never be anything good that happens.

It wasn't until Mom had been in the care center for several months that I ever heard her sing! I was at the piano playing some church hymns and she began singing! When I was a kid she wouldn't ever sing in church b/c she didn't think she had a good voice. But she knew all the words and sang on key! Amazing to me.

And she made a friend. No one else knew what they were talking about, but they understood each other. It was great to watch them smile and laugh together!

It isn't easy having a parent with dementia, that's for sure. I feel for you and your parents. I hope you are well. Give us an update when you can, K? :hug:


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