My father has been dealing with Alzheimer's for a few years now.. but it really only started to become very noticeable in the last year..
seems that in that time he went from being "Dad" to "who is this guy!"

please keep in mind i am just calling it as i see it and not trying to bash my father i love him very much but i have to tell it in words i understand not medical jibberish..


his memory is horrific.. he will ask the same question over and over which i will answer over and over until i leave.. he can not retain anything short term.. becomes a big problem when he can't even remember who he just got off the phone with or what he did 2 min ago..


his long term memory is also failing.. he gets lost on roads he has traveled all his life... the roads he drives daily or once a week ( how to get to the grocery store or church) he still remembers..

this past summer i happed to run into him at the grocery store and walked up and said "hey dad hows it going?" he turned over to look at me with the most confused stare i have ever seen on his face.. almost like the gears wanted to turn but had to wait a little bit for the wrench to fall out.. took him a good 30 sec to realize it was me.. (this would seem normal if i was someone he had not seen in years.. because it happens to me now and then when an old school buddy i have not seen in 10yrs says hey and i am like "who are you?" lol... but i visit my parents at least 3 times a week.. so he sees me lots)


his decision making has gone down the pooper.. simple little things like "do you want juice or milk to drink?" can turn into a 1hr nightmare for both him and myself or my mother while he tries to decide..we try to be patient with him and give him time to decide.. but then he will forget what we offered him to drink a number of times we tell him again what his options are and again he cant decide.. then forgets.. (vicious circle) usually we just give up and hand him what we think he will like.. he never argues about it because he forgets we asked him anything..


i am not sure about this one.. or what would cause it but the other day i got a call from my mother asking me to come over.. my dad went out to change the fuel filter on the tractor they use to plow their driveway.. apparently he got out there in the freezing cold and forgot how to change the filter so instead of coming in he just stood there looking at it for 1/2 hour.. by the time i got there he was chilled to the bone.. so i had to talk him into going into the house to warm up.. while i changed the filter.. this is a very simple task as it is just 2 hose clamps you unscrew and pop out the old one put the new one in and tighten it back up.. something he has done for years but that memory is gone i guess.. he really wanted to fight me on going in the house .. i know he did not want to give up trying to figure out how to change it... but at that point i was willing to just drag him in kicking and screaming if he didn't listen... it was that or have a frozen dead father and i was not having that.. just glad he figured it was probably better to go inside on his own..


it seems as though he has reverted back to being "child like"
he throws tantrums for no real reason.. he has to be reminded to shower and change his clothes or he wont.. he has to ask for help for simple things i know he use to know how to do..he has some repetitive actions he does over and over. ( similar to OCD checking) but he has no idea why he does them, unlike OCD where the action is done for a reason and the person knows why they are doing it..


what really creeps me out is he will have moments of total clarity where he will remember things from the past and hold a complete conversation with me... he has even said in these moments that he knows something is wrong with him.. and he does not want to end up like his mother (she was very bad remembered no one could no longer take care of herself and had to be put in a home) now id imagine that has to be the worst to remember that and fear even for a few min that the same "could" happen to him..


i don't know what i am really looking to get out of this post... i guess maybe some info/advice or just to have someone say.."i know what you are talking about".. maybe i just needed to get it off my chest.. i am not sure.

Hi punkdizzle, good to see you found your way here!

My Grandmother also has Alzheimer's or dementia, there's really no way to no the difference. It is very difficult to handle. This began about 6 years ago. She was around 79 years old when we realized what was happening.

She lived alone, my grandfather passed away 20 years ago, we had to move her into an assisted living community. My gram started to go outside when it was really cold and forget to go back in the house. My parents live next door, luckily, and would see her outside. It just got to be too much for my mom to try to take care of her.

She recognizes her kids most of the time. Well, she pretends to anyway, she's gotten quite good at that. She knows she should recognize them. She thinks my brother is my dad. She is happy in her new "home" although it took a while. She was extremely upset when taken out of her environment, which is completely understandable. She is very child-like now. It's like she's reverted back to being an obstinate teenager; sometimes even like a 5 year old. One of her symptoms is having a lot of anger and saying terrible things to others. She can't help it. Try not to take anything your dad says or does personally. He probably shouldn't be driving anymore. I don't know if your dad is anything like mine, but he would not take that well at all.

This is one of the hardest things to deal with, when someone you love starts to forget everything. Can he talk about it? Will he take one of the medications like Arricept?

I feel so bad. You are just too young to have to deal with all of this. How is your mom handling it? I know my mom, her sibs, and all of us grandchildren have all dealt with it in different ways.

Btw, I'll be starting Ty soon and I plan on starting a log here. There doesn't seem to be one right now.

If you want, you can pm me anytime you want to talk.

thanks Joelle

he is taking Aricept but its really not doing much.. he has only been on it for a 2 months.. but i am not sure how long it takes for the med to start working if it is even going to.. my father will be turning 78 this year and up till this point he has been so indestructible its shocking to see him like this.. i mean this is a man that would do anything at anytime.. be out working on the car at 1am if it needed fixed.. climb 20ft up a tree to saw off a limb without flinching.. get a cut on his hand and just wipe the blood on his shirt and keep working.. i am sure you know the type.. (and he passed that personality quality on to me lol) and it seems (to me anyway) that over night he became afraid of everything... and i hate to say it a little paranoid about some things..

now if he gets a little cut he runs to my mother unsure of what to do.. an we are talking like a scrape with maybe a dot or 2 of blood..


i do try to not take stuff he says to personally.. and if it gets to me i just leave rather then argue with him.. at this point i feel there is no point... since he cant understand.. you wouldn't know it from some of the stuff i have said in the past .. but i am a very patient person when it comes to someone that has problems they cant help... now cut me off while i am driving and i turn into road rage hulk.. lol

my mother i think is still a tad in denial about it all.. but she is coming around and realizing that fighting with him does no good.. and i hate to say it... but tricking him into getting him to do what needs to be done is much easer then fighting with him..

my mother and i have talked about him no longer driving.. but since he really does not go anywhere far or in heavy traffic.. we are waiting it out before one of us has to take the keys.. and if he does have to go somewhere that we know would cause him problems one of us drives him.. but i dread the day we have to take the keys.... that will be a fight.. but it will be a fight that has to be done..

i actually feel it is best this happened when i am younger and still in good enough health so i can help them out.. not really take his place but pick up where he had to leave off on things like yard work, fixing things, ect..




i think i am also going to start a TY log once i start ( probably a video log if they let me bring a camera in the infusion center) other wise it will just be video updates after the deed is done..

PunkDizzle - I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this, it is a heart breaking disease.

My very first job (I was 16) I worked in a Skilled Nursing Facility where the majority of the patients had Alzheimer's. It sounds like your dad is in the worse part of the disease (not that there is a better part) where he is aware of what he wants to say or do but just can't get there (if that makes any sense).

You may already be doing this but someone needs to be with him 24hrs a day. If he tries to cook something he could forget it's on the stove or in the oven and possibly cause a fire. He could walk off some where and get lost. I definitely wouldn't let him drive if at all possible, hide the keys, hide the car, whatever it takes. If someone should pull out in front of him or a kid run out in front of him he may not be able to react in time if at all. If he's anything like my grandfather, it will be very difficult, he was blind and still insisting he could drive.

I went to a geriatric specialist last summer because of memory issue's I've been having. I was diagnosed with slight dementia(I'm 40!). The doctor told me that aricept wont reverse the damage but it could keep it from getting worse. The doctor told me the most important thing was to keep my brain active.

You and your family should play little memory games with him, look through pictures of people, vacations that he has taken, or places he has been and discuss them. (remember that time we went to .......) When something needs to be done at his house maybe you could go over and do it and ask him if he could help you. Make it so it doesn't sound like your doing it for him but he is helping you to do it.

My mother is also showing signs that something isn't quite right. She keeps chalking it up to old age but she isn't that old, she's only 65. She talks to herself from the minute she wakes up right up until she falls asleep with out stopping. The only thing she will make herself is a bagel in the morning, if I don't make her something to eat after that she would go the rest of the day with out eating. I don't know why I haven't thought of it before your post but I'm going to get her in with the Geriatric specialist for a consult.

I know this is all very basic and you are probably already doing a lot of it. I wish I had some magic words that would help but I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Teresa

Sorry, I must have started my post before you made your second post.

Alz is a horrible disease that destroys not only the brain but relationships that has been built over the years. When I am in the presence of someone in this condition I have learned to accept that it is painful, to accept they do not know me, that it is not their choosing.

I also tell them who I am and become their friend once again, it is often strange, but at times they remember me more as their friend rather than the person they have known for a lifetime.

Some things you can do to make sure your father makes it back home if he wanders off course is to have his name and address on him with a phone number. Inform your local law enforcement that this happens and if they do see him acting strangely would they please assist him. You can also do this with the places he visits regularly, especially if you live in a small area.

I'm not sure this will help you or give you peace, but I will keep you and your family in my thoughts for good will.
Love N Hugs
Patricia

There really isn't anything more I could say but want you to know I do understand. This disease runs in my grandmothers side big time. All the sisters have it or had it. It scares the bejesus out of me to think I could be affected as well. My aunt who lives near has it and she seems fine when I am around but I see it in her eyes. I tell her who I am and her voice says she knows me but her eyes can't hide the truth.

Punk Dizzle,
I have no answers, went thru this with my Dad and his dementia. He'd ask the same question over and over. Sitting in my brother's house, he'd keep asking "where am I?".

As it got worse and his second wife (He had lost my mom to cancer years before) got older too, he went to a locked ward in an assisted living. He had his own room, the place was expensive, don't think we could have him there for a long time. One of my brothers died (cancer again), we all went to the funeral, Dad was sad, but not sure he really understood. Not getting impatient with him helped some, he became not my father I knew but someone else I didn't really know. Don't know if it helped him any, but it was important for me to never forget that he was my Dad, no matter what. He's gone now. it's the good years I try to remember.

This is just one of the awful times we have to get through.

thanks everyone for the replies.. it is rather comforting (but also sad) to know that others have had to go through this with someone they love.. it is also good to read that what i am seeing in him is pretty common with this horrible disease.

PunkDizzle,

I'm so sorry you're going through this - it is a horrible disease for anyone to have or have to watch someone struggle with. My mother had it for almost ten years before she passed in 2005. My sister has it, too (she is only 57). It's so hard because you end up losing someone you love twice - while they are still here with us and then again when they pass.

The first time my mother didn't remember me was heartbreaking. You Dad needs lots of love and most of all patience. I remember my Dad arguing with my mother because she thought he had not closed the garage door. I finally told him to just go and pretend to close the door and she would be fine. He did - and she was - and totally forgot about the incident three minutes later.

My sister is in bad shape right now - I posted in the MS Social Chat about her. It never gets any easier to watch loved ones suffer. I'll keep you and your Dad in my prayers - your Mom, too, because she's got a hard job right now.