Oh, my poor grandma. She has always been like a mother to me.
She had her annie clamped, wow 8 years ago. She had a mini-stroke sometime after that - maybe a year or so later? I was in high school at the time, but lived alone with her due to seperate family issues with my mother. So, I was in essence her care taker after her surgery (too young and poorly equipped at the time, but I did my best). That situation really brought us close even though it was probably not the best situation for either of us at the time.

Anyway, without getting into all the gory details...

She now lives in an assisted living facility where she is the youngest one there. I live two hours north, but there is family nearby to visit her often. There are some ongoing issues that I dont know how to deal with


Personality changes:
She used to be typical grandma. Sweet, loving, hardworking woman. Would do anything for anyone. Now she says the weirdest stuff. She goes to bed early and wakes up late, if she could get away with living in the same clothes and not taking a shower, she would.

She has been getting in trouble at the facility where she lives for her behavior. She seems to have taken an (unprovoked) extreme disliking to one other resident in particular, and is getting in verbal altercations with this lady. So unlike her.

I did not expect it to be so hard all these years later. She also has been having difficulty controlling her bowels lately - is this brain related?

I am devasted. I live with extreme guilt that she is even in this situation. I feel like she should be with me, but I am unsure if I am capable or if it is in her best interest. I am 26 years old with a new baby..

I feel like she needs to be re-evaluated but dont know how to go about that. There is lots of family around but I feel angry that no one is doing enough for her yet angry at myself for the same reason.

How can I be the best support and advocate for her in this situation?

Amber, My name is Ging and I can tell you a few important things about your situation. I have an aneurysm and had a stroke while on the table during surgery so you will see words misspelled and words left out . That being said , I will tell you that you are a wonderful granddaughter. You gave all you could and you should not feel any guilt at all.Your Grandmother has changed and it isn't her fault.
I was the care giver to my aunt who live with my husband and I . she was having TIAs and would become combative with me and everone else at times. When she went into a nursing home, she would "hit other residents with her cane and scream and curse them. These personality changes are because of the stroke. This is what the Dr. told us and the staff of the care home. They said they see this very often.
Amber, you should visit when you can and let the other family members know how she is. Don't press them to visit, you do what you feel is right for you.
Ask if you can talk with her Dr. and see if these changes are related to the stroke, ask the staff if the doctor has her on any medication that could cause her to be more combative or angry.
You can find out about what might be causing these problems with very little dective work. List her meds. and look them up for possible side affects.
Good luck honey and enjoy your sweet baby and don't feel guilty for one second.Hugs to you, ging

Hi, this is Junebug. Please don't feel guilty. You did the very best your could for her, and now she needs 24 hour skilled care and be where folks know about her disorder, because she is not the only person that has these issues. I know you miss your sweet Grandma, as you knew her, but just try and remember the good time with her. God bless you and enjoy your baby. You can be proud that as a young person you tried your best, and did the loving thing toward her.