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Old 07-02-2021, 09:59 PM #1
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Default The agony of Limerence

To begin, a definition:

Quote:
noun: limerence; plural noun: limerences

the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.
An excerpt from a Wikipedia article:

Quote:
Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term "limerence" for her 1979 book, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, to describe a concept that had grown out of her work in the mid-1960s, when she interviewed over 500 people on the topic of love.[1]

Limerence, which is not exclusively sexual, has been defined in terms of its potentially inspirational effects and relation to attachment theory. It has been described as being "an involuntary potentially inspiring state of adoration and attachment to a limerent object (LO) involving intrusive and obsessive thoughts, feelings and behaviors from euphoria to despair, contingent on perceived emotional reciprocation".[2] Willmott and Bentley remark that limerence has received little attention in the scientific literature.[3]

Attachment theory emphasizes that "many of the most intense emotions arise during the formation, the maintenance, the disruption, and the renewal of attachment relationships".[4] It has been suggested that "the state of limerence is the conscious experience of sexual incentive motivation" during attachment formation, "a kind of subjective experience of sexual incentive motivation"[5] during the "intensive ... pair-forming stage"[6] of human affectionate bonding.
Limerence - Wikipedia

Limerence has not been designated as a 'disorder' per se, is not included in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
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Old 07-02-2021, 10:26 PM #2
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Limerence is not fun, even-though the intoxicating feeling of "love" is one part, the anxiety and the horrible lows one experiences emotionally is truly painful.

Early emotional attachment to caregivers is thought to play a role(see Attachment Theory)

Major players: Dopamine and Serotonin

Limerence and ROCD

Love and the Brain
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Old 07-02-2021, 10:39 PM #3
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Limerence and adolescent "crushes" have similarities, crushes are typically of much shorter duration. Limerence can be consuming like an obsession, with constant thoughts about the Limerent Object (LO).
A Limerent Event(LE) can last for several years. I've read that the average LE is typically 2-3 years.

My current Limerent Event started about 7 years ago. Having No Contact(NC) with the Limerent Object reduces the intensity, but Limerence can return if contact is resumed.


More: Limerence | Psychology Wiki | Fandom
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Old 07-03-2021, 01:04 AM #4
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Hey tnthomas,

This is a subject that people rarely talk about but at some level everyone has experienced. Here's my take on it.

I'd never heard of the term limerence but I have endured it. And it is a time consuming, exhausting, ecstatic, painful business. For me the object of my unrequited love was the last thing I thought of at night and the first thing I thought of in the morning. I used to sit on my windowsill just to watch her car drive by!!

The Greeks described the many different types of love,

agape altruistic love, in Latin caritas which gives us our word charity

ludus the playful affection of children and casual lovers

pragma the understanding that exists between an established couple

storge the love that grows between comrades in arms, often depicted in police dramas

mania obsession, often allied with eros sexual passion, the one that corresponds with limerence.

All of the loves of the Greeks are positive connections and bring a sense of self worth except mania or limerence. Sopholcles welcomed old age as a release from the 'tyranny' of sexual desire. As I get older, I'm not sure it works like that, however the Greeks placed friendship between equals at the summit of emotional life.

For me the greatest example of limerence on screen is the Hitchcock Film Vertigo.
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Old 07-03-2021, 12:37 PM #5
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@Atticus, I never saw Vertigo but I get what you're saying, having read the film plot on Wikipedia.

A Limerent film that I closely relate to with my present situation is As Good as it Gets, with my "character" being portrayed by Jack Nicholson, and the lady for which I am Limerent for being represented by Helen Hunt. By no real coincidence, I just received an As Good as it Gets DVD yesterday, that I bought on ebay. I am a bit OCD, but not nearly as afflicted as Melvin Udall(Jack Nicholson).

I have a mental health appointment on July 15th with an LCSW, it is a video chat, I guess like Facetime. I'm looking forward to talking in realtime face-to-face with someone.
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