[emmy]

Nearly 14 years ago i was involved in a car crash and literally in that split second, this problem appeared out of nowhere. I was 9 at the time and to suddenly have major issues like this was very distressing.

From that point on i hated people sniffing, coughing, swallowing, tapping, wagging their foot, biting their nails etc etc, you name it, it annoys me. Its not jus a general annoyance that everyone may think they have and that its a normal thing, its not. These noises etc annoy/anger/upset me so much that i hurt myself and will do anything to release the anger and emotions i'm feeling inside. Its a regular occurence, i'd say 22hours out of 24 are bad for me. i'm constantly on edge.

Only my immediate family, my boyfriend and a couple of friends know about it. i mean lets face it, its not something you shout about.

I've never actively done anything about it, nor will i but just to give you a sense of gravity of the situation, either commiting suicide or making myself deaf have both crossed my mind. Its a living hell. whats even worse is to have these feelings against the people you love the most and to make them feel as though they're in the wrong when all they've tried to do is help you.

Until last week i honestly thought i was a freak and that i was the only one with this problem that there is no cure for because docs dont even know what it is! Someone mentioned ADD to me so i started researching and today i came across Misophonia! I finally have a name for my condition, which is such a relief, and also knowing i'm not the only one feels so gud! i actually cried when i was reading peoples accounts because it struck every chord in my body.

I've seen so many docs etc over the years but nothings worked. I've got to the point in my life now where i'm starting to think about having kids (i want kids and a family more than anything in my life!) yet i have all these thoughts in my head: what if i resent them for making noises that annoy me? what if they get the same condition to? can i really be so selfish to bring them into the world knowing i have this?

I really desperately need some help and need to start looking again now cause i can imagine it'll take a while. If anyone has any cures or treatments that have helped them cope with it, please tell me. i realise a cure may be impossible but coping would be brilliant.

Or if anyone just wants to talk about it, it'd be so good to talk o someone who actually understands what i'm going through. i'm still convinced that when i tell certain people, they think i'm jus overreacting or making it up!


Thank for reading this