[MommaBear]

My son can be too easily suggestible and can have poor judgement, even though he is actually quite intelligent. His speech therapist says he is getting a little better with each session about communication, and I have definitely seen this every time, but only for the day, then the next day he is "incommunicado" again. She says he is doing amazing and is very bright, but it will take a very long time for him to "open up" and get his thoughts out.

The last 3 nights he has been taking 3 mg of Melatonin to help him sleep better. It seems to make him groggy though and naps all day. So today I found him a sleep aid with 1.5 mg, and a bit of lemon balm, lavender. Welllll the box says take one. He took two! Why?? Because... the box goes on to say "take another IF DESIRED." He desired another one simply because "the box says so"!!!

He's used this kind of unsafe "reasoning" a few times. Scares the bejeebies out of me! He also still thinks he is ready to go back to work. If he does, he'll be fired and lose his insurance.

He is so resentful of me watching over him and he is trying to shut me out. I understand that it's "not cool" to need taking care of and he just wants to be normal. He just wants to think nothing is wrong with him. Denial...

I'm trying so hard to not upset him that I don't talk about things much with him. I've never been much of a talker anyway. I've no idea how to get things across to him, or even WHAT to get across to him, without him rejecting what I say just because I'm "mom". He doesn't want to trust me. I'm standing in his way between him and the rest of the world. We're both sliding into depression. His doctor is awful and it takes 3 weeks to get an appointment with another.

I'm terrified that some day, sooner or later, he's going to make a very bad judgement about something based on some inappropriate "concrete" suggestion, e.g. seeing something on TV, and do himself a lot of harm. Or that someone will offer him drugs and he'll take it. Bound to happen here in Northern California! And I think someone at his work was his MJ source before his accident. It's just too "easy" around here. I also worry that this may be why he's so anxious to go back to work.

I'm realizing that he really does need a more controlled environment, that I cannot always provide for him, not by myself. I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. We are totally alone, there is noone else to look after him when I do. The only good thing is that I work evenings so hopefully he'll wind down and go to sleep at dark instead of escaping and finding trouble... which I'm afraid he'll do anyway sooner or later.

I wish I could just up and scramble outta here, but I'm tied down to the house and job and relocating would take several months. And if we did, WHERE TO?!?! Not to mention that it would probably be too late.

If something does happen to him, it will be alllllll on me for overlooking something. Just like when he hit his head and couldn't tell me, and I missed the signs thinking he was just drinking and hungover -- which he was and it masked his symptoms. I will never ever ever get over that pure scalding unthinkable horror and guilt!!!!! And to think that something else is likely to eventually happen again!!!!!!!

Whaaaat am I going to do??? I'm gonna lose him someday, again, and totally... How can either of us survive this?? How do I handle my son's bad reasoning and poor judgment?? I am sooooo terrified!

[Johnhogan1010]

Originally Posted by wendroo

My son can be too easily suggestible and can have poor judgement, even though he is actually quite intelligent. His speech therapist says he is getting a little better with each session about communication, and I have definitely seen this every time, but only for the day, then the next day he is "incommunicado" again. She says he is doing amazing and is very bright, but it will take a very long time for him to "open up" and get his thoughts out.

The last 3 nights he has been taking 3 mg of Melatonin to help him sleep better. It seems to make him groggy though and naps all day. So today I found him a sleep aid with 1.5 mg, and a bit of lemon balm, lavender. Welllll the box says take one. He took two! Why?? Because... the box goes on to say "take another IF DESIRED." He desired another one simply because "the box says so"!!!

He's used this kind of unsafe "reasoning" a few times. Scares the bejeebies out of me! He also still thinks he is ready to go back to work. If he does, he'll be fired and lose his insurance.

He is so resentful of me watching over him and he is trying to shut me out. I understand that it's "not cool" to need taking care of and he just wants to be normal. He just wants to think nothing is wrong with him. Denial...

I'm trying so hard to not upset him that I don't talk about things much with him. I've never been much of a talker anyway. I've no idea how to get things across to him, or even WHAT to get across to him, without him rejecting what I say just because I'm "mom". He doesn't want to trust me. I'm standing in his way between him and the rest of the world. We're both sliding into depression. His doctor is awful and it takes 3 weeks to get an appointment with another.

I'm terrified that some day, sooner or later, he's going to make a very bad judgement about something based on some inappropriate "concrete" suggestion, e.g. seeing something on TV, and do himself a lot of harm. Or that someone will offer him drugs and he'll take it. Bound to happen here in Northern California! And I think someone at his work was his MJ source before his accident. It's just too "easy" around here. I also worry that this may be why he's so anxious to go back to work.

I'm realizing that he really does need a more controlled environment, that I cannot always provide for him, not by myself. I have to go back to work in a couple of weeks. We are totally alone, there is noone else to look after him when I do. The only good thing is that I work evenings so hopefully he'll wind down and go to sleep at dark instead of escaping and finding trouble... which I'm afraid he'll do anyway sooner or later.

I wish I could just up and scramble outta here, but I'm tied down to the house and job and relocating would take several months. And if we did, WHERE TO?!?! Not to mention that it would probably be too late.

If something does happen to him, it will be alllllll on me for overlooking something. Just like when he hit his head and couldn't tell me, and I missed the signs thinking he was just drinking and hungover -- which he was and it masked his symptoms. I will never ever ever get over that pure scalding unthinkable horror and guilt!!!!! And to think that something else is likely to eventually happen again!!!!!!!

Whaaaat am I going to do??? I'm gonna lose him someday, again, and totally... How can either of us survive this?? How do I handle my son's bad reasoning and poor judgment?? I am sooooo terrified!

Hi, I came across your post and I may not have great answers for you but I have pcs from playing college baseball last may and some of the things your son are going through I have experienced.

I didn't realize I had a concussion until this last September but my symptoms kicked in hard core and have brought me to see some of the darkest days of my life. It has taken my mind places that I thought were not possible.

I don't have problems talking or going into zones where people can't talk to me but I've definately know all about the anxiety and psychological problems it has caused me.

I've take melatonin most nights to help me sleep and I would say that really works for me. I saw you mention something about that.

I also saw you say your worried about bugging him cause he doesn't want help and he tries blocking everyone out. I recommend you keep trying to help him in all ways even if he doesn't like it. I'm 21 and I have to say without my mom and other family members supporting me and pushing me, there's no way I would have made it. I tried blocking my friends out of my life due to depression because I couldn't accept I have this injury and couldn't understand what I did to deserve it. Most of my depression came from realizing my lifetime goal of becoming a potentially professional ball player was going to have to be put on hold.

Once I started to realize that I was in this for the long haul, the more I started to improve in small ways. I'm still very far away from being completely healed, but I know with good family support and self motivation that I'm going to get better at some point in my life even though everything has been taken away from me in the most part.

I realized getting worked up about things only make things much worse.

About the doctor your seeing, I've seen 30 different specialists that have either stopped helping me or have told me to do unrealistic things. Keep trying to find the right one, it will come. I have recently started seeing a psychiatrist that helps with head injuries and I would recommend trying something like that. He has helped motivate me to do things throughout each day and in time they get easier.

I still have my good share of bad days, but I'm starting to see more good days pieced together in a row.

I'm not sure if any of that helps, but I saw your post and thought I'd say something and hopefully it helps. Your son will start getting better, it's just slow and hard to notice at times, but I hope it happens soon for the both of you.

Good luck and hopefully something I said can help.

[Mark in Idaho]

wendroo,

I am sorry you are struggling so. I have three adult children who are similar in age to your son. It is a losing game to hold yourself responsible for his behavior. Your chance to influence his behavior ended at least 15 years ago.

He needs to stand and fall on his own. Whether it's alcohol or mj, he needs to make those decisions. It he can get mj or other stuff at work, tell the authorities and let them handle it. OSHA may be the authority to call. Or the WC carrier or Cal Dept of Labor.

But, you are Mom. You have no power.

He may need to spend a night in jail or some other uncomfortable place then be held accountable by a Judge or drug court.

Either way, he needs to make the decisions.

I wish there was a solution to soften the impact his behaviors has on you, but there are not.

So, you have a choice to make. Are you going to take control of the things you can control? Your life. Your future. Your retirement. Your household.

By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better condition to help when he decides he wants help.

Hope you can find the strength to stand up for yourself.

My best to you.

[EsthersDoll]

I was very suggestible after the injury I sustained too. It slowly started to go away - I am still more suggestible than I was, but I try yo watch out for it. Before the injury I sustained I wasn't suggestible at all - quite the opposite! It's been interesting to see what it's like to be suggestible, but also somewhat scary. In my position at work, suggestibility is not a good thing, so I'm lucky that it's nowhere near as bad as it was.

I returned to work a little over a year after the injury I sustained. I think if your son thinks he's ready, then you should let him go. If he doesn't do well, they'll just send him home. I work in a somewhat dangerous field and I didn't think I would be able to return because I didn't have the wherewithal to pay attention enough to not get hurt, but you know what they did for me? They put me on "light duties". I didn't have to do the all the same things that I did before the accident - I only had to do things that I could do. I think some employers are even able to give people completely different duties until people get better. And returning to work helped lift my mood a GREAT deal - which I'm sure has helped me to recover a great deal. I was so anxious and worried I'd lose my job before I was able to return. AND I believe it's been therapeutic and rehabilitative for me. Everyone at work agrees too. I'm doing much better now than I was when I first started working. I'm even able to drive myself to and from now - I had to get rides to and from for the first four months. I started working 12 hours a week, four hours MWF. Before the accident I worked a 4-10 week, 4 days of 10 hours each day at this job and 15-30 hours every weekend at my other jobs. I was able to increase my hours to 20 hours a week in Dec. My FMLA ran out, but everyone can see the progress I'm making and the FMLA doesn't seem to matter, especially since it looks like I'll get all better - everyone at my work is rooting for me. And I'm able to feel even a smidge productive and that makes me feel better too.

If your son is taking FMLA - it's only 12 weeks of protection. If it's important for him to have that, and he takes all 12 weeks off completely, then when he returns he'll have to work 40 hours a week. Or he could take 6 weeks off and then work 12 weeks part time and be able to build up his strength better before he works full time again.

I think if your son feels ready to return and his Dr. thinks it's ok, then you should support him to go back. He might fail and have to return to resting at home, or it might speed up his recovery like returning to work has done for me. You'd be surprised what being required to think about things at work does for reconnecting neuronal pathways.

[HeadStrong]

I can't begin to follow the advise already given, but I wanted to send good thoughts your way :-) Being a parent is difficult at any time, but when it's complicated by injury or illness, it's even more challenging.

Best Wishes to you and your son.