[braingonebad]

She's my exDIL. Not my favorite person, not that I hate her.

But still, I don't want to see her do something she won't be able to live with.

She's the mother of my adorable granddaughter. She loves her little girl dearly. She's had at least 2 miscarraiges, maybe 3, and each was devastating. Now she is pregnant again, BF is dumping her and demanding she gets an abortion.

Her family is no support. Her mother refused to talk to her the last time she got pregnant, she was so mad at her.

And true, she never got her high school diploma, trying to get her GED. She does need to grow up and get her life together, get a J-O-B. Not have a baby with ever guy she meets.

But still....

She's a lot like me (I HATE admitting that, LOL!) and although she knows she can't afford this baby, and how hard it's going to be, single mom to 2 kids, no place to live for the moment, I know this is the last thing she wants to do.


Everyone is telling her this is the ONLY way. That she has no right to bring another kid into the world that she can't take care of.

I so want to tell her she should listen to her heart, and somehow things will work out. That guy doesn't care about her or that baby. He just doesn't want to get stuck paying child support. Why should she do this and feel horrible the rest of her life to suit him?


If I thought for one minute she was okay with this, I'd respect her decision. But I know this is killing her. I hate that. I don't know why I care, but I guess I hate to see anybody in that position, with nobody on their side.

This is NOT about whether abortion is right or wrong - this is NOT the place for that. It's about someone who has nobody to support her and has to make a decision that will affect the rest of her life.

That decision could be any tough choice, anything you had to do that you knew in your heart you could never recover from. Put yourself in that girl's shoes.


I feel so badly for her, but what can I do? Would you say something? Should I?


Or should I just shut up?

The reason I'm asking is because there was recently another young woman I knew in similar circumstances. I kept mum, she had the abortion. Now she's a mess. I feel like I should have spoken up.

[AfterMyNap]

Oh, Brain, you care because you're good people. It's human to care, and despite the zoo in which you live, you are really one of us.

It is a dilemma for sure, and you're right, there is no easy answer. I won't bore you with the usual lecture about how many couples wait for a chance at adoption, but I am curious about whether it is something she has/would consider. Many couples can give her a financial boost during the pregnancy if the circumstances are right.

I wish I knew the answer, I'd give it to you for free. Is there a story in all this for you to give the world?

[Abbie]

I'm not in your shoes.. nor in you ex-dil's...

I just know that my best friend and her hubby are trying and wanting a baby so bad.... that the thought of abortion just chokes me up.


I'm not saying it's right or wrong.... that's not my choice to make...


I'll just sit back and send up prayers that your ex-dil receives the strength to do what's best for her. Also, sending up prayers to help you find strength to do whatever it is that you need to do.


Abbie

[braingonebad]

Thanks, guys. Abbie, that was one of my thoughts too.

I don't know if that would be any easier, but it's worth a mention.

I don't think I can hold my tongue on this. I'll tell her she can hit the ignore button if she wants. Wish me luck.

[MelodyL]

You want to know if you should tell her not to have an abortion.

Tell her NOT to have an abortion. Tell her that there are thousands of people who would take that baby in a minute, and love it to death.

All of my friends have adopted. All of them.

Many of them could not have kids, so they went the adoption route.

One of them had an abortion when she was young, and found out later that she could not have any more kids. So she adopted.

If anyone would have asked me if abortion is right or wrong 30 years ago, the old Melody would have gone on and on about it's a woman's body, and it's a woman's right, and it's legal. Yeah, I know.

But (and this is only MY opinion), your ex DIL should have been using birth control, I mean, what was she thinking???

But honestly, because there are other options, I think it's perfectly fine to run it by her that she can give this baby to a loving home.

I remember my friend (30 years ago), who had had a miscarriage. She tried to adopt so many times. She met up with a guy who demanded $20,000 up front. She brought her diamond earrings. She gave him her diamond earrings. She went back the next day and the whole office was gone. He had set up a scam and took her for everything she had. She didn't care. She just wanted a baby. She finally adopted one and I'll tell you, that was the happiest thing I ever experienced.

She would call me up at 7 a.m. and say "Melody, there's an apple in bed with me". I would say "are you out of your mind? (this was a Saturday). She would say 'come and bring bagels".

I would get up, bring over some bagels, and she'd get out the cream cheese, and there I was on the floor with her son, rolling this big ball. She got him at 3 months old. He was the chubbiest little thing.

Why am I against abortion?? Because I saw the film "The Silent Scream".

Changed my views on abortion big time.

But it is still a woman's right to do what she wants with her body. And it is legal. I don't know why it's legal. But it's legal.

So whatever decision she ultimately makes, well all we can do is say 'best of luck", and whatever you do, well, make the best decision you can make for yourself.

She is the one who has to live with any decision she makes, right??

I just can't believe, that with all the birth control out there, young women are still getting pregnant.

What a shame.

I wish her well.

[Twinkletoes]

I can't wait to meet my grandson when he turns 18! Just 11 more years!

Adoption is such a great option. Good luck to you and your XDIL. I'm sure she'll appreciate receiving guidance from you and knowing that you care.

[PolarExpress]

There are no easy answers in a situation like this. For anybody..All you can do is say what you believe, let her know you care and you don't want her to make a decision that will haunt her for years to come. Then let it go. Ultimately, the decision's hers, but you will feel much better knowing you expressed what you felt. My heart goes out to both of you. I adopted a baby girl when I was single and 21. She met her birth family the year she turned 18, and they still keep in touch. She's gonna be 27 this summer, and would have been a tremendous loss to so many people in so many ways had her birth mother decided not to have her. She was in a similar situation, just divorced, 3 kids already, on welfare, and had a tubeligation not long before my daughter was conceived. Talk about determination! Things can and do work out in amazing ways. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

[Kitty]

You care because you're a compassionate person. It would be hard NOT to care - especially when a precious little baby is involved.

The first thing I thought of was adoption. It seems to be the perfect solution and one that would benefit many people - most of all the child. What better gift than to give this child the chance to be a part of a loving family that wants him/her.

No decision here will be easy - but you owe it to yourself, the mother and most of all the baby to speak your mind.

Thanks for listening to your heart. . . it won't steer you wrong.

[TheSleeper]

Cathy, my second oldest daughter was a problem child, two abortions before she was out of high school, a prison stay, a failed short lived marriage. My kid, I love her, I will never understand her or her decisions and in no way feel obligated to pay for them or worry about them.

We taught her better, if she can`t follow the program? Ya can`t change the world if it`s not interested.

[GIGI69]

Take her to lunch or dinner or someplace where she is removed from the stresses of her daily environment. Tell her what you just told us (it was so filled with concern).

Go through the options with her and help her come up with a plan that she can live with. Once she sees the steps in front of her maybe she will feel like she can handle this major decision.

Good luck and keep us posted.