[Alffe]

I am a huge believer in support groups...a good support group can keep you breathing after a suicide loss..unfortunately there are a lot of bad ones out there and it's been a pet peeve of mine to recommend them only to see the person devastated and running out the door.

Here is what the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention says...

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page_i...6C210657168295

[Burntmarshmallow]

I think your great Alffe mom thanks for this tid bit! I wanted to bump it to the top Once you start to share with others that have or are dealing with the same issue you do become connected that is so very true...and it is why I call all of you my family
PEACE
BMW

[Nik-key]

Thank you Alffe

I have been spending a great deal of time on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website these past few weeks.
I am doing tons of research and reading anything I can get my hands on, I am searching for something... I don't yet know what it is! Or if I will ever find it.... but I am learning a great deal along the way.

Back to the AFSP, did you all know they have a walk?
http://www.outofthedarkness.org/
They are called "out of the darkness" They have overnight walks in a couple of cities, or smaller community walks. There are 2 walks right here in lil ol New Hampshire coming up this fall. I am trying to decide if I am ready yet to participate. If not this year than perhaps next year. What better way to honor my dad?

Also did you all know they also have a huge sections on Surving Suicide Loss?
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...84379C813F8D93

In that section they have a section on Survivors of Suicide Day .. this year it will be held on Saturday, Nov. 22. I just registered to watch the program on my computer.

it is a great site

[Alffe]

Originally Posted by Nik-key

Thank you Alffe

I have been spending a great deal of time on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website these past few weeks.
I am doing tons of research and reading anything I can get my hands on, I am searching for something... I don't yet know what it is! Or if I will ever find it.... but I am learning a great deal along the way.

Back to the AFSP, did you all know they have a walk?
http://www.outofthedarkness.org/
They are called "out of the darkness" They have overnight walks in a couple of cities, or smaller community walks. There are 2 walks right here in lil ol New Hampshire coming up this fall. I am trying to decide if I am ready yet to participate. If not this year than perhaps next year. What better way to honor my dad?

Also did you all know they also have a huge sections on Surving Suicide Loss?
http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...84379C813F8D93

In that section they have a section on Survivors of Suicide Day .. this year it will be held on Saturday, Nov. 22. I just registered to watch the program on my computer.

it is a great site

You keep seaching Nikki...it's part of the healing process. My sister wanted me to walk in last years Madison, Wi. out of darknesswalk but I'm just too old to walk that far. *grin I said I'd sponser her!!

There is a wonderful man who's son took his own life and he writes for the newsletter and is very active in organizing Madisons walk...I'll try to find the article...have collected so much "stuff" about suicide over the years that I have trouble locating it when I need it.

[Alffe]

I finally found the article about Dennis Gates, who lost his son Justin to suicide but it's too long to post...and since it's old, I'm having trouble finding the link. Still trying.

this isn't the link but good "stuff" here.

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseac...1B55D56C229A75

Still looking.......

[Alffe]

http://www.hopes-wi.org/SurvivorsGuide/its_okay.htm

[Nik-key]

Originally Posted by Alffe

http://www.hopes-wi.org/SurvivorsGuide/its_okay.htm

Thank you Alffe I have been to these pages before... but I only read until I am overtaken. What I had never read before was the section on …Asking the Question Why? The cup analogy….. It clicked with me and I bookmarked it. Thanks

[Alffe]

Nikki you are on a rollercoaster ride with your emotions...love, hate, anger, guilt. How I wish I could give you a real life hug because it "takes one, to know one".

My friend/neighbor is on the same ride...she just expects it to end a lot sooner then it's going to. Please remember that we are all here for you.

We care and we understand how hard it is. (and then throw in a husband with altzheimers, and the state of your physical health...well, you are remarkable.)

[Nik-key]

Thank you sweet sweet Alffe It IS a rollercoaster, and damn it... no one will stop the ride so I can get off I think of your neighbor alot..
I think it is because her loss is fresh like mine, and I can't help but wonder how she is coping. Poor soul All of us.........so true ... it "takes one, to know one".

You know, I was reading that cup analogy, and something just clicked with me. I have forgiven him, honest and truely. But, one can't help questioning why. He HAD survived melanoma, he HAD survived colon and stomach cancer.... he had survived 23 years in the military, been in two wars for Christ sakes!! WHAT could be so damn bad to make him end it all, and on that day... just 3 hours before he was to go to the doctors........WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Cup Analogy
There is a cup of water sitting on a table. It is so full, it is rounded at the top. One or two drops of water are added to the cup and it spills over. What caused the water to spill? We want to blame the last one or two drops, but in an empty cup it would not spill. It was not the water in the cup prior to the drops being added, because if left alone, it would not have spilled. It was a combination of all the drops of water in the cup that came before and the last one or two drops that caused the water to spill.

In a person's life, the water in the cup is symbolic of all the hurt, pain, shame, humiliation, and loss not dealt with along the way. The last couple of drops symbolize the "trigger events", "the last straw", the event or situation that preceded the final act of taking one's own life. Often we want to blame the trigger event, but this does not make sense to us. Like the water, these events all by them selves would not cause someone to end their life. It is the combination of everything in that person's life not dealt with and the last one or two things that caused our loved ones to lose hope.

Well there is light bulb moment! A big ol DUH! So obvious, yet! When in deep grief, sometimes you just can't see through the pain... to see it. I don't know how long this will satisfy me, but for today... it has helped. Again, thank you!!~Nikki

[Alffe]

I've always loved the cup analogy because it makes so much sense. Take whatever helps, for however long it helps but expect that you'll be "on the floor again" and that's normal. Since I was already down there, I spent a lot of time on my knees...raging at the man upstairs...that's normal too.

It will get better Nikki and stay better for the most part but it's going to take a long time. I'm glad your reading everything you can get your hands on and I'm glad you're talking to us about what you are feeling.

If they had known what it was going to do to us....well, there it is again.
They didn't know...their depression overcame them. ~sigh